Exploring Buddhism

[Deidre]

I'm @ work right now, but just read your last two posts and cannot thank you enough. I can't wait to watch the video when I'm off work!

 

You might not realize, but you have helped me learn a lot here. Your explanation of clinging has helped me see why I "fail" at so many relationships. I tend to push people away, in fear of losing them. If I push away, then I won't lose them. That's it. I need to stop fearing loss and then I will be able to enjoy love.

 

Without clinging or fearing loss. This is probably the hardest thing for me to put into practice though, Antlerman. :-/

[Antlerman]

Isn't it funny how that the first thing that present itself to you was your fear? Layers of an onion.

[Deidre]

Yes...

I was just going to say how hard it is to change who we are, but "fear" is not who I am. It's a behavior I've carried around for whatever the reasons.

 

Frankly, I think that's what I've been clinging to...fear. You can convince yourself that even destructive habits can serve u well, if u do them long enough. But it hasn't served me well at all.

[Antlerman]

When you get to the source of that fear is when it gets really interesting. It's actually like a thin line the width of a hair, and incredibly simple to cross over, were it not for the fact we see it as an impassable chasm. It's one of those things when you step over you look back to see nothing but level ground. The gateless gate, as the Buddhists call it. We'll have a discussion about that later.

[Antlerman]

hey the outer layer of an onion Is less bitter and less likely to make your eyes water (cry)

Haha! Yes, that's true! You can get pretty teary-eyed in those inner layers.

 

part of detachment that is so important is that the things that you are attached to are not necessary for your happiness and peace. you might say if I lose all my money and all my friends I'm not going to be happy. that means that you are dependent on them for your happiness.

One thing to add here, I'd be careful about calling it 'detachment' as that carries the connotation of an emotional distancing. That's not the case at all. And as I said before, our emotional connections will increase as a result. We love more, because we love for the sake of the other, for love's sake, and not self-gain. But it's really 'clinging' that we're talking about and not our fondness of another. Fondness is good! And part of our fear prevents us from truly connecting to another for fear of loss, for fear of living, for fear of meeting ourselves in the face of the Abyss.

 

once you are an enlightened one, you can lose all of your money, all of your assets, and all of your friends, and you will be just as happy and peaceful as you were before, because your happiness no longer requires those attachments or is affected by then one way or the other. its called freedom.

I don't think anyone who is enlightened does not feel pain and loss. Most certainly they do. They're not detached from feeling. But to repeat there is a difference between pain and suffering. Pain is what happens in life. Suffering is when we inflict torment upon ourselves. We create our unhappiness this way. But it is true that in the midst of storms, there is a peaceful center. This is very true.

[Deidre]

But I don't want anyone to hurt me anymore. This is why I fear certain situations and romantic relationships. If I hold onto fear it keeps me from letting someone hurt me.

 

This makes more sense in my head than when I read it back. Lol

[Deidre]

 

But I don't want anyone to hurt me anymore. This is why I fear certain situations and romantic relationships. If I hold onto fear it keeps me from letting someone hurt me.

This makes more sense in my head than when I read it back. Lol

don't let people hurt you. don't let them use you . don't let them rob you of your energy.

Yep, I'm done letting such types in my life.

[Orbit]

RE: Gods

What I meant is there's no equivalent of gods that say "worship me or else"; Deities are symbolic, and as far as I know, not meant to be taken literally, My particular practice is rather eclectic, and deities aren't part of it.

[Antlerman]

But I don't want anyone to hurt me anymore. This is why I fear certain situations and romantic relationships. If I hold onto fear it keeps me from letting someone hurt me.

 

This makes more sense in my head than when I read it back. Lol

Layers of an onion. When you no longer fear being hurt, you are free to love. When you no longer fear, you are free. At this point, you know yourself and are at Peace with your being. That's when you are Free.

 

I hope this doesn't cause any triggers for you, but it's got a really good message that gets to this philosophy of the heart like this, but it uses mythological themes like an angel of God talking to him and whatnot. Those are merely vehicles for the underlying message of coming to know and love who we truly are, behind all the masks. It's very Buddhist themes in Western symbols. I think it works really well as a vehicle, personally, and hopefully will be something that speaks for you. BTW, don't watch this at work unless you're okay crying at work. (Also, listen to it with headphones, if you have them).

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0aQslMHDYCs

[Deidre]

Human, those are some great points. I don't know how to really be without fear.

 

It's stopped so many of my dreams. It stopped me from being a writer, from following certain career paths, from love, from traveling, from getting a masters, from so much more. It's so stupid to let your dreams get squashed by fear. It's hard to imagine my life without it.

I don't know how to make decisions without first being fearful.

 

I mediated for an hour tonight with music. And I cried through it. When I decided to take Buddhism further, I didn't expect all this stupid self discovery. It fucking sucks on some days, tbh. :/

[Orbit]

Fear is often really the reaction to the need to control. One thing that my journey has taught me is to let go, to stop clinging to control. The reality is that we aren't in control anyway, it's just an illusion. Fear is often really the fear that you won't be able to control outcomes. The answer is trust. Trust your own efforts, your own judgment. The self-discovery is really a benefit, it shows you are growing.

[Deidre]

Fear is often really the reaction to the need to control. One thing that my journey has taught me is to let go, to stop clinging to control. The reality is that we aren't in control anyway, it's just an illusion. Fear is often really the fear that you won't be able to control outcomes. The answer is trust. Trust your own efforts, your own judgment. The self-discovery is really a benefit, it shows you are growing.

It is, I know. And you are right about control. If you don't engage, then you can't lose anything. You know that saying. "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?"

 

I disagree. Why is life supposed to be one endless painful "lesson" after the next? That's life? :/

 

I hate that saying. I did love and lose and it only made my fears worsen.

 

I need to stop whining.

 

 

 

I'll just say what they always say at AA meetings

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

have you gone to AA, Matt?

 

 

Christianity was nice because I could hand all this shit to Jesus. I know it was all a farce. Jesus isn't there and I have to heal these parts of my life, on my own. Well, I'm in good company considering all the Buddhists who paved the way.

[Deidre]

Hugs to you Human. You say good things. (most of the time)

 

I needed a smile, thank u.

[Deidre]

 

But I don't want anyone to hurt me anymore. This is why I fear certain situations and romantic relationships. If I hold onto fear it keeps me from letting someone hurt me.This makes more sense in my head than when I read it back. Lol:blush:

Layers of an onion. When you no longer fear being hurt, you are free to love. When you no longer fear, you are free. At this point, you know yourself and are at Peace with your being. That's when you are Free.I hope this doesn't cause any triggers for you, but it's got a really good message that gets to this philosophy of the heart like this, but it uses mythological themes like an angel of God talking to him and whatnot. Those are merely vehicles for the underlying message of coming to know and love who we truly are, behind all the masks. It's very Buddhist themes in Western symbols. I think it works really well as a vehicle, personally, and hopefully will be something that speaks for you. BTW, don't watch this at work unless you're okay crying at work. (Also, listen to it with headphones, if you have them).https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0aQslMHDYCs

I don't know what to say to you except I wish I could thank you in the way you deserve. Repay you somehow for all of your help. That video. I don't know what to say. Maybe u are that angel.

Thank youuuu <3

[Deidre]

Quote of the day:

 

"You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway."

- Steve Maraboli

[Deidre]

SpiderMan: I'm well aware that I'm not Christian anymore. And what I've held onto isn't "petty."

You don't know me at all, who are you to judge me?

[Deidre]

the quote doesn't just apply to you and wasn't a personsl attack. We all sometimes in life try to pick up and carry crosses that we shouldn't.  All of us have had petty worries and fears throughout the day that Dominate our mind and prevent us from being the best version of ourselves.  I'm not belittling you, I know you're a much better person than me and very happy for you that you are on this journey and making progress.

okay. and thank you. That means a lot to me.

[Deidre]

In thinking about that quote and the video clip that was posted by Antlerman, today was a hard day. In the video for those who didn't view it, there is a part about how there is a war that we have going on in us. I guess this need to be in control. Not of others, but of ourselves. And before I started looking further into Buddhism, I wouldn't have thought that was such a bad thing. To be in control of your life. But how we define that typically is ...we think we need to cling to controlling our lives, but the opposite is true.

 

You're really in control when you finally let go of needing to control.

 

Today was a stressful day and the reason it was had more to do with trying to control things around me/happening to me at work etc...instead of just letting go and letting it all flow.

 

I saw an interview with a man who practiced Buddhism most of his life and he was in his 80's and very healthy, both physically and mentally. The interviewer asked...what is your secret to living a long happy life?

 

He replied...I've learned to manage stress and not let it manage me.

 

I sometimes think if I had a less stressful career or if I met this perfect man, etc...that I would manage stress better but the truth is, I'm still looking outside of me to change ...me.

 

We have to find a way to stop fighting ourselves throughout the whole journey. That journey being our lives.

 

I wish I could rewind today but that is the greater lesson. No rewind buttons. There's only right now.

And it all cones back to fear. Fear of letting go.

[Orbit]

In thinking about that quote and the video clip that was posted by Antlerman, today was a hard day. In the video for those who didn't view it, there is a part about how there is a war that we have going on in us. I guess this need to be in control. Not of others, but of ourselves. And before I started looking further into Buddhism, I wouldn't have thought that was such a bad thing. To be in control of your life. But how we define that typically is ...we think we need to cling to controlling our lives, but the opposite is true.

 

You're really in control when you finally let go of needing to control.

 

Today was a stressful day and the reason it was had more to do with trying to control things around me/happening to me at work etc...instead of just letting go and letting it all flow.

 

I saw an interview with a man who practiced Buddhism most of his life and he was in his 80's and very healthy, both physically and mentally. The interviewer asked...what is your secret to living a long happy life?

 

He replied...I've learned to manage stress and not let it manage me.

 

I sometimes think if I had a less stressful career or if I met this perfect man, etc...that I would manage stress better but the truth is, I'm still looking outside of me to change ...me.

 

We have to find a way to stop fighting ourselves throughout the whole journey. That journey being our lives.

 

I wish I could rewind today but that is the greater lesson. No rewind buttons. There's only right now.

And it all cones back to fear. Fear of letting go.

You're just starting. It takes time, but you'll get there. Don't give up! Listening to Alan Watts on youtube really helped me when I went thru that stage.

[Deidre]

 

In thinking about that quote and the video clip that was posted by Antlerman, today was a hard day. In the video for those who didn't view it, there is a part about how there is a war that we have going on in us. I guess this need to be in control. Not of others, but of ourselves. And before I started looking further into Buddhism, I wouldn't have thought that was such a bad thing. To be in control of your life. But how we define that typically is ...we think we need to cling to controlling our lives, but the opposite is true.You're really in control when you finally let go of needing to control.Today was a stressful day and the reason it was had more to do with trying to control things around me/happening to me at work etc...instead of just letting go and letting it all flow.I saw an interview with a man who practiced Buddhism most of his life and he was in his 80's and very healthy, both physically and mentally. The interviewer asked...what is your secret to living a long happy life?He replied...I've learned to manage stress and not let it manage me.I sometimes think if I had a less stressful career or if I met this perfect man, etc...that I would manage stress better but the truth is, I'm still looking outside of me to change ...me.We have to find a way to stop fighting ourselves throughout the whole journey. That journey being our lives.I wish I could rewind today but that is the greater lesson. No rewind buttons. There's only right now.And it all cones back to fear. Fear of letting go.

Deidre,You are quite an eloquent philosopher. (Don't let that inflate your ego. haha. I know it won't.) Seriously, these are very helpful words. I know too well this struggle to let go. It's such a paradox. We cannot control situations and people anyway. Why do we try so hard and worry so much about doing that?When we have a difficult day, we are tempted to feel disappointed in ourselves. We wish we could rewind. But as you say, there is no rewind button. There are no do-overs.When we remember that, it makes the very next moment more significant, more meaningful.The subject of trying to control and the need to let go is very apropos to what I am studying and writing about tonight.I appreciate your message here and the timeliness of it.Thank you.Human

 

 

Oh Human! You are a great supporter and encourager! You have offered great advice. Looks like we all struggle with similar things. Thank you for chiming in as you do here.

 

 

 

In thinking about that quote and the video clip that was posted by Antlerman, today was a hard day. In the video for those who didn't view it, there is a part about how there is a war that we have going on in us. I guess this need to be in control. Not of others, but of ourselves. And before I started looking further into Buddhism, I wouldn't have thought that was such a bad thing. To be in control of your life. But how we define that typically is ...we think we need to cling to controlling our lives, but the opposite is true.

You're really in control when you finally let go of needing to control.

Today was a stressful day and the reason it was had more to do with trying to control things around me/happening to me at work etc...instead of just letting go and letting it all flow.

I saw an interview with a man who practiced Buddhism most of his life and he was in his 80's and very healthy, both physically and mentally. The interviewer asked...what is your secret to living a long happy life?

He replied...I've learned to manage stress and not let it manage me.

I sometimes think if I had a less stressful career or if I met this perfect man, etc...that I would manage stress better but the truth is, I'm still looking outside of me to change ...me.

We have to find a way to stop fighting ourselves throughout the whole journey. That journey being our lives.

I wish I could rewind today but that is the greater lesson. No rewind buttons. There's only right now.

And it all cones back to fear. Fear of letting go.

 

You're just starting. It takes time, but you'll get there. Don't give up! Listening to Alan Watts on youtube really helped me when I went thru that stage.

That is true. I need to be patient with the process, yes? I've looked at some other things of AW, he's just too kewl for words.

 

Hugs to you guys!

 

 

Quote of the day: "Our lives improve when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." ~ Walter Anderson

 

When will it be my turn to be so wise?

[Antlerman]

In thinking about that quote and the video clip that was posted by Antlerman, today was a hard day. In the video for those who didn't view it, there is a part about how there is a war that we have going on in us. I guess this need to be in control. Not of others, but of ourselves. And before I started looking further into Buddhism, I wouldn't have thought that was such a bad thing. To be in control of your life. But how we define that typically is ...we think we need to cling to controlling our lives, but the opposite is true.

 

You're really in control when you finally let go of needing to control.

 

Today was a stressful day and the reason it was had more to do with trying to control things around me/happening to me at work etc...instead of just letting go and letting it all flow.

 

I saw an interview with a man who practiced Buddhism most of his life and he was in his 80's and very healthy, both physically and mentally. The interviewer asked...what is your secret to living a long happy life?

 

He replied...I've learned to manage stress and not let it manage me.

 

I sometimes think if I had a less stressful career or if I met this perfect man, etc...that I would manage stress better but the truth is, I'm still looking outside of me to change ...me.

 

We have to find a way to stop fighting ourselves throughout the whole journey. That journey being our lives.

 

I wish I could rewind today but that is the greater lesson. No rewind buttons. There's only right now.

And it all cones back to fear. Fear of letting go.

You are an amazingly quick learner. As I started reading this I was thinking to help direct you to understand what this 'control' means, but as I read further you said exactly that. There's a quote that came to mind from the Buddha I thought to share here. You'll get it in light of this. "More than those who hate you, more than all your enemies, an undisciplined mind does greater harm."

[Deidre]

 

In thinking about that quote and the video clip that was posted by Antlerman, today was a hard day. In the video for those who didn't view it, there is a part about how there is a war that we have going on in us. I guess this need to be in control. Not of others, but of ourselves. And before I started looking further into Buddhism, I wouldn't have thought that was such a bad thing. To be in control of your life. But how we define that typically is ...we think we need to cling to controlling our lives, but the opposite is true.You're really in control when you finally let go of needing to control.Today was a stressful day and the reason it was had more to do with trying to control things around me/happening to me at work etc...instead of just letting go and letting it all flow.I saw an interview with a man who practiced Buddhism most of his life and he was in his 80's and very healthy, both physically and mentally. The interviewer asked...what is your secret to living a long happy life?He replied...I've learned to manage stress and not let it manage me.I sometimes think if I had a less stressful career or if I met this perfect man, etc...that I would manage stress better but the truth is, I'm still looking outside of me to change ...me.We have to find a way to stop fighting ourselves throughout the whole journey. That journey being our lives.I wish I could rewind today but that is the greater lesson. No rewind buttons. There's only right now.And it all cones back to fear. Fear of letting go.

You are an amazingly quick learner. As I started reading this I was thinking to help direct you to understand what this 'control' means, but as I read further you said exactly that. There's a quote that came to mind from the Buddha I thought to share here. You'll get it in light of this. "More than those who hate you, more than all your enemies, an undisciplined mind does greater harm."

Thank you! I'm learning from those who've paved the way.

If we could just hang on long enough to let go...we'd all be on our way.

 

Thanks for that quote. You're a great teacher. Serious.

[Deidre]

Hmmm...I'm guessing but think of what I've learned so far, it's basically that pain is inevitable in this life, but suffering is an option. A choice. Your attitude towards the pain you experience, is a choice. That attitude will determine your suffering.

 

It's a challenge, no doubt.

[Deidre]

Unshakeable inner peace comes from patience and work. All those "spiritual giants" have that many people don't, is that they know that there are no detours to enlightenment...to nirvana.

 

I'm realizing that and on the days when the journey sucks, I'm reminded that everyone's journey sucks, sometimes.

 

Today, is a GREAT day...in a deeper way. Enlightenment (to me) is a daily thing. No finish line. When we stop seeking the finish line, that's when we know we're growing. If that makes sense.

[Deidre]

most of the people here are quite impressed with how far you've come in such a short time. I'm so glad that you have found a spirituality without having to be a theist. you need something more than people and things in your life because the things you own and the money you make, and the temporary pleasures that disappear, will never last, and the people that are in your life will always disappoint you.

I repeat, the people in your life will always disappoint you no matter who they are.

You are choosing the path where you no longer have to depend on people or worldly possessions or circumstances and you are choosing a life that is not shallow , because worldliness and all that it offers is cheap and shallow, so never give up on this journey, and stay away from the shallow life because shallow is not you and Deep is calling the deep away from the shallows where they do not belong. thank you for responding to the call.

And, this advice is good for you too. I read your high school thread. I don't think bad of you, Matt. But what I or anyone thinks of you, is not as important as what you think of you. You need to find out who you are, without clinging to what others think of you. That's hard. I used to use men as mirrors but...it's fleeting and leaves you empty. Be thankful for all of your friendships, but perhaps you need to be friends with yourself ...that's the most important friendship of all.

 

 

TY for your kind words here.