Boring Post Thread

[Brother Jeff]

I just walked to the convenience store in a t-shirt in 51 degree Fahrenheit weather to spend $5.50 on... caffeine-loaded but sugar-free energy drinks. I will probably be up late tonight in the chat room, after the football game is over. Sister NZ, I am beseeching the Lard, asking Him to magically cause you to be there! Glory!

[Brother Jeff]

The sun is shining.

[Brother Jeff]

I need to mow the lawn... tomorrow.

[seven77]

 

 

 

Today I boiled and peeled some eggs. 40% of them were difficult to peel.

 

 

Put them in a bowl of cold water. The eggs will shrink away from the shell and be easier to peel. Cooking tip I got from my mom a while back... Glory!

Thanks, will try that. I might start running some more of my everyday problems past you, lol.  Glory!

 

Bless the Lard, Sister! Happy to help if I can... Glory!

Contributing to boring egg talk...tips from a kitchen bitch.

 

1) do not let your eggs sit in hot water after you remove them from heat.

2) put eggs in a ice bath. Add salt to the ice bath for extra chill.

3) let eggs sit in cold ice bath for awhile. At least 20-30min, maybe longer.

4) roll your eggs on a hard surface to crack shells. Use a light touch or you will tear eggies.

5) peel top down, trying to remove the shells and membrane in strips.

6) if preparing mass batches, add a damp paper towel to the bottom of your container. Then add eggs. This keeps the outside of the eggs from drying out and getting gummy. Also salt your eggs ahead of time too, this will cut down on moisture a bit.

 

Source: I worked in kitchens for years. Was a prep line worker and salad bar stocker. Used to boil and peel several dozen eggs a day. Whoooooo. However, despite the experience, I still fuck up hard boiled eggs from time to time. Omega 3 enriched eggs are always bastards to peel, in my experience.

[DissentOfMan]

I made this video! How Exciting!

 

[ContraBardus]

 

 

 

 

Today I boiled and peeled some eggs. 40% of them were difficult to peel.

 

Put them in a bowl of cold water. The eggs will shrink away from the shell and be easier to peel. Cooking tip I got from my mom a while back... Glory!

Thanks, will try that. I might start running some more of my everyday problems past you, lol.  Glory!

 

Bless the Lard, Sister! Happy to help if I can... Glory!

Contributing to boring egg talk...tips from a kitchen bitch.

 

1) do not let your eggs sit in hot water after you remove them from heat.

2) put eggs in a ice bath. Add salt to the ice bath for extra chill.

3) let eggs sit in cold ice bath for awhile. At least 20-30min, maybe longer.

4) roll your eggs on a hard surface to crack shells. Use a light touch or you will tear eggies.

5) peel top down, trying to remove the shells and membrane in strips.

6) if preparing mass batches, add a damp paper towel to the bottom of your container. Then add eggs. This keeps the outside of the eggs from drying out and getting gummy. Also salt your eggs ahead of time too, this will cut down on moisture a bit.

 

Source: I worked in kitchens for years. Was a prep line worker and salad bar stocker. Used to boil and peel several dozen eggs a day. Whoooooo. However, despite the experience, I still fuck up hard boiled eggs from time to time. Omega 3 enriched eggs are always bastards to peel, in my experience.

 

 

How I make Hardboiled eggs.

 

I use a pin to put a small hole in the fat bottom part of the egg. This prevents the "air bubble" from forming at the bottom and results in perfectly round eggs.

 

Place eggs in bottom of a pot, fill with water at least one inch over the top of the eggs. For every 3 cups of water or so add 1/2 Teaspoon of Baking Soda. This makes the eggs easier to peel later.

 

Put the eggs on high heat and once the water reaches boiling let them cook for one minute. After that, turn the heat off, cover the pot and let the eggs sit in the hot water for ten minutes.

 

Fill a bowl with salted ice water and place the eggs inside for 5 minutes. Don't wait for the eggs to completely cool, you want them to be warm to the touch. They should peel easily. Roll gently on a hard surface with a small amount of pressure to crack the eggs, tapping lightly also works but be thorough and make sure the shell is completely shattered to make peeling easier. Be careful as to not damage the egg whites and they should come off pretty easily, sometimes there might be one or two that give you a bit of trouble still, but overall you shouldn't have any problems.

 

As Seven77 mentioned use a damp paper towel in the container if you're making a bunch. Salt eggs ahead of time as recommended as well.

 

There you go, guaranteed perfect hard boiled eggs every time. No gray green stuff around the yolks, no smell, no pits in the whites. Devil them, eat them whole, make egg salad, whatever, just be proud of your awesome skillz.

[Orbit]

I throw the eggs in a pot and boil them. Then I peel them. No egg ninja here.

[Brother Jeff]

The football game is at halftime. I am bored.

[Orbit]

The football game is at halftime. I am bored.

aw. no one's in chat...

[ContraBardus]

Here are some incredibly boring recipes. It's all a bunch of effort and hassle and lots of steps. Food tastes good though and knowing how to do these boring things has done more for my sex life than anything else I've tried.

 

This works especially well if you have a gas stove.

 

Take some bell peppers whole with the top and seeds still intact and put them directly on the burner, crank it to high and let them blacken. Turn them so that the entire skin of the pepper is burned on all sides with a pair of tongs.

 

Once done, remove the peppers, place them in a container, and cover them with plastic wrap or a lid. Let them sit for an hour. This steams them a bit.

 

Once they've sat for a while take them out, and you should be able to easily rub off and discard the skin. Remove the top and seeds, cut the interior ridges off and dispose of the waste. Slice the peppers into strips and put them in a container with 1/2 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp pepper, 2-3 tbs extra virgin olive oil, and 1-2 tbs basamic vinegar.

 

Chill and they'll hold for about a week. Eat them on their own as snacks, use them as a vegetable side in a meal, put some cottage cheese on them, they're versatile and awesome.

 

Here's what I make for breakfast instead of lame ass omelets for the ladies.

 

4 large eggs

2 tablespoons full fat Greek yogurt [Plain]

3 Tablespoons coconut flour

1/4 teaspoon baking poder

1/2 cup shreddec cheese

Kosher salt

Ground black pepper. [i never get the preground stuff anymore, fancy = sexy.]

Optional 1/4 cup cooked and chopped bacon, don't use bacon bits, unless you're a cheap lazy slob.

 

Preheat the oven to 375 F

 

Whisk eggs, yougurt, and a little salt into a medium sized bowl and whisk until blended. Then add coconut flour and blend until smooth. [Also easy to look smooth doing this.] Then add the cheese and ground pepper [and bacon] and stir.

 

It's best to use greased paper cups, for the best results use a little melted coconut oil. A greased non stick pan will work as well, if you're lazy and not as sexy.

 

Bake em for 20 minutes, rotate the tray after 10. Muffin tops should spring back when you poke them with your finger when done.

 

Let them cool a little and serve and a repeat visit from your lady friend is all but guaranteed.

 

How to get laid in the first place.

 

Side starch...

 

4 large Idaho potatoes

1/3 cup milk

1 1/2 stick of butter

2 cloves garlic finely diced [2 large cloves or 3 small ones]

1/2 tsp salt and pepper

1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

[Optional] 1/4 cup diced chives

 

Preheat oven to 400 F

 

Peel the potatoes and dice into 1-1 1/2 inch chunks. Boil for 15-20 minutes or until soft in a large pot with salted water that covers the potatoes by about an inch.

Put into a large mixing bowl and add butter, salt, pepper, and mash. Once butter is mixed in add milk and continue to mash until smooth. Use a mixer for that sexy super smooth texture. Potatoes should be smooth but firm, not loose. Add diced garlic and cheese and most of the chives. Set some aside for garnish.

 

Take mashed potatoes and put into a baking pan in a layer of about 1 1/2 inches. Bake for 10-20 minutes until the top is golden brown.

 

Remove from oven and serve. Use an ice cream scoop to put on plate. If you really want to be sexy and the potatoes are smooth enough you can use an icing bag with a large shaped decorating tip, caution this can get a little hot but shouldn't burn. Sprinkle with remaining chives.

 

Main entree

 

1/2 pound baby spinach, fresh.

1/4 cup water

1 1/2 pounds flank steak

1 tsp Kosher Salt, divided

1 tsp Black Pepper, divided

4 thick slices of bacon diced

1 medium bell pepper diced.

1 small green zucchini diced.

1 teaspoon of chili powder...diced.

1 garlic clove, pressed.

2 tbs coconut oil.

Optional 1/4 cup of mild white cheeze shredded, provolone or mozzarella work best.

 

Preheat oven to 400 F

 

Heat large saute pan over high heat until very hot. Add spinach and water and cover. Steam about 2 minutes uncover and allow spinach to cool. Drain and press spinach to get the water out.

 

Butterfly the flank steak with the fibers running parallel to your hand, do not cut into two pieces. [it's not a huge deal if you do, but it's much sexier and comes out better if you do not.]

 

Season inside with 1/4 tsp salt and pepper.

 

Heat another saute pan over medium heat, add bacon and cook for 3-4 minutes, then toss in peppers and zucchini, cooking for 3-4 minutes. Add chili powder, garlic, and the rest of the salt and pepper. Stir it all together, cook until veggies are tender [3-4 minutes tops] and remove from heat to cool.

 

Spread the cooled mixture over the seasoned flank steak, top with cheese if you're using it, and cover with the steamed spinach, put the spinach on top as it helps keep the veggie mix in place.

 

Roll the flank steak up and tie with butcher twine. Season outside with salt and pepper to taste, about 1/4 tsp works well.

 

[Optional, but recommended] Refrigerate for 12-24 hours. Remove from the fridge for about an hour to bring it up to room temp before continuing.

 

Heat a large saute pan over high heat, add coconut oil [olive oil works well also] let the oil start to smoke a bit and sear all sides until golden brown. Place in the oven and cook until the internal temp reaches 120 F, about 20 minutes. Up to 30 if you want it less rare, but medium rare is the target for this dish. Let it rest for 20 minutes after removing from the oven.

 

Slice and remove twine, setting on the plate to look sexy. Add garnish, serve with a side of the roasted bell peppers from earlier in the post, bonus if you top them with a small ball of cottage cheese.

 

[Optional] Serve with french bread and softened sweet cream unsalted butter. Use real butter, you cheap bastard.

 

"I got some booty, I got some booty, I got some booty..."

 

Finally, the clencher for those tough cases.

 

1 cup butter, softened

1 cup white sugar

1 cup packed brown sugar

2 eggs

2 tsp vanilla extract

3 cups all purpose flower

1 tsp baking soda

2 tsp hot water

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp cream of tartar [optional, keeps the tops from being flat and smooth for better texture. Also helps keep them from flatening out so much and cooking together]

2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips

 

Preheat oven to 350 F

 

Mix the butter and both sugars until smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, and add the vanilla. Dissolve the baking soda and cream of tartar in the hot water and add with the salt. Stir in the salt, chocolate chips, and then spoon onto an ungreased pan using heaping teaspoon sized spoonfuls.

 

Bake for about ten minutes in the oven until the edges are nicely browned. Cook times vary from oven to oven, keep an eye as it may take a little less or more time. Allow to cool at least ten minutes before attempting to remove from the pan.

 

That extra mile:

 

You can pre-make and freeze these, but it works best if it's done on the spot and served immediately.

 

Get a carton of vanilla ice cream, the softer the better. Let it thaw a little.

 

Take two cooled cookies and spread a 1/2 inch layer of ice cream on one half. Put the other half on top of it. Top with hot fudge, whipped cream, and top with a cherry. Serve immediately.

 

Have Lonely Island MP3 of "I just had sex!" pre-loaded and ready to sing out loud.

 

I dare the ladies on this forum to tell me that's not dead sexy.

 

Cooking is boring, but what it can get you is not. ^_-

[ContraBardus]

I throw the eggs in a pot and boil them. Then I peel them. No egg ninja here.

 

And that's why you're not sexy like me.

[RankStranger]

I went over to see my new cubicle today.  It's a slightly different shade of gray than the previous two.  Can't see any windows from there, but that's nothing new.  The walls are a little shorter.

[Brother Jeff]

I ripped several horrendous farts for JESUS while I watched the football game. Then I Pissed in the Spook and belched. 

[Brother Jeff]

The Chicago Bears won the football game, thanks to three Jets turnovers. It's hard to win when you turn the ball over....

[Brother Jeff]

I just Belched in the Spook again... Glory!

[Brother Jeff]

I am drinking a big glass of non-boring kefir.

[Brother Jeff]

I need to clean my glasses.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

I'm glad that 40% of my boiled eggs were difficult to peel.  I learned some cool shit today.

[Brother Jeff]

I'm glad that 40% of my boiled eggs were difficult to peel.  I learned some cool shit today.

 

It was the Lard's Perfect Plan for 40% of your eggs to be difficult to peel, and it demonstrates how His glorious Plan is Perfectly fine-tuned. If your eggs had been 37% or 41% difficult to peel, you would have learned nothing of any value today. Glory!

[JadedAtheist]

I just realised this thread is ex-c's version of twitter.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

 

I'm glad that 40% of my boiled eggs were difficult to peel.  I learned some cool shit today.

 

It was the Lard's Perfect Plan for 40% of your eggs to be difficult to peel, and it demonstrates how His glorious Plan is Perfectly fine-tuned. If your eggs had been 37% or 41% difficult to peel, you would have learned nothing of any value today. Glory!

 

I am beseeching the Magic Sky Man that tomorrow will bring more of these slightly inconvenient first world problems that provide opportunities to demonstrate his glorious Plan. Glory!

[Brother Jeff]

It is dark outside, so I turned the lamp on.

[Brother Jeff]

My glorious website now has 98 posts and 80 comments! Glory!

[Brother Jeff]

I refilled the liquid soap dispenser in my bathroom.

[Brother Jeff]

This gloriously boring thread now has 35 pages! Glory!