Open_Minded Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 You might be a fundy if you Know you're going to heaven. Know what "OSAS Theology" is. Regulary find yourself discussing the finer points of the Pre-Trib Rapture. (Looking forward to further contributions) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 4. You feel under trial by God because he allowed both the House and the Senate have Democrat majority. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 5. Make sweeping statements like: "there's more evidence that Jesus existed than there is that Julius Ceaser or Alexander the Great existed!" 6. Complain about christians not being allowed to practice their religion in foreign countries, yet when someone tries to set up a Hindu temple/Mosque/Pagan or new age bookshop in your town you go ballistic and think it shouldn't be allowed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rafiki Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 7. Own a gardening business but refuse to do work on a gay couple's house. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,228441,00.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 8. You believe the last days are imminent but that doesn't stop you buying more and more property (that's real estate to our American readers). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smellincoffee Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 9. You're emotionally devestated about Ted Haggard. 10. You think all mythology derives from the Bible, including the Greek pantheon. (I actually have a friend who thinks this.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 11. You swear god and Jesus love absolutely everybody, and yet you rail on in the next minute about how gays, liberals, pagans, and foreigners are going to be condemed to Hell without mercy. 12. You see nothing wrong with stating "facts" about what God thinks as if you are His personal secretary. 13. You believe without every word written in the Bible is infallible truth, you have no doubt we came from dirt and there are talking snakes, and you are more than happy to say Judas died in all of several ways listed in the Bible with a straight face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 14. You think Brontosaurs lived peacefully with man during the time of Job. (someone beat me to 11) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KenneyVTX Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 15. You think that the Mississippi river is a giant egg timer and provides evidence that the earth is only about 6000 years old. I'll have to look up the website, the guy based a whole book on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Open_Minded Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 16. God regularly opens up convienent parking spaces, JUST FOR YOU. (Thinking of you - Pug) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 17. You think everyone but those who believe exactly what you believe are going to be burned in hell forever. 18. Even if they believe what you believe, if they happen to be gay or more liberal than you, or different from you in some other way, they are still going to be tortured for all of eternity. 19. You think people who enjoy science fiction and fantasy because they actually have an imagination (unlike you who have suppressed your imagination), especially those who enjoy the Harry Potter novels, are going to be in hell. 20. You think that anyone with a brain who actually uses it and realizes that evolution, not creation, was responsible for bringing life to earth is going to be tortured for all of eternity. 21. You think that being tortured for all of eternity for any reason, even murder, is an appropriate punishment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chefranden Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 22. You watch the Flintstones like it was a documentry. 23. You ask Jesus what color socks to wear in the morning. 24. You use the word just a lot when praying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Helmet Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 25. You can't grasp basic scientific information and go on struggling to fit square pegs into round holes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smellincoffee Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 26. Your typical "lay me down to sleep" prayer uses the phrase "Lord Jesus/Lord God" more times than the Bible. 27. Jesus makes you get stopped at red lights so you won't get in a terrible wreck down the road. 28. Jesus rewards you for paying tithes by making sure an SUV doesn't run into your house. 29. JEsus rewards you for paying tithes by making sure you don't spontaneously develop sicknesses. 30. If you do get sick, God is only testing you faith -- pray and you'll get well! 31. If you die, God was only opening the door so you could enter into Glory! Hallelujah! THANK you Jesus! Thank you! WHOO! I feeeel the spirit movin' in heah tonight! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Open_Minded Posted November 11, 2006 Author Share Posted November 11, 2006 32. Anyone of the following bumper stickers are on the rear end of your car. Got Jesus - It's Hell Without Him. Jesus my JUDGE - or - Jesus My LAWYER - - It's Your Choice Jesus - Legal in all 50 States 33. You find yourself affirming that anyone with the following bumper stickers (on the back of their car) is going to hell. Who would Jesus Bomb Blessed are the Peacemakers What part of - "THOU SHALT NOT KILL" - Don't you understand God Bless the Whole World - NO EXCEPTIONS Churches should stay out of politics - Or be taxed Lord Protect me from your followers The Righteous were wrong in Jesus Day Too Life's a Witch - and then you Fly Born Again Pagan Bigotry is NOT a Family Value Better Gay - Then a Bigot www.humperbumper.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 34. You scoffed when Glen Hoddle said disabled people are paying for wrongdoings they've done in previous lives but you are quite happy to believe that AIDS is God's punishment for people who have lifestyles you find distastefull, and you've commented to this effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 Um...slightly OT, but why is the screen so wide in this topic? And why do I keep getting Stack Overflow at line 0 popups? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgia Lass Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 Um...slightly OT, but why is the screen so wide in this topic? Post #15 And why do I keep getting Stack Overflow at line 0 popups? 35. You think you can survive a lake of fire because your number 143,999 in the saved list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 36. You believe the closing of Jesus camp is a sign of persecution. 37. You believe a flat tire is a sign from god saying you need to make something right or you need to repent for something. 38. You keep track of the goings on in Israel as it's cue time for the rapture. You also vote according to the support of Israel. 39. You believe George W Bush was sent by God to rid the world of evil Muslims, Gays, Public Schools, Liberals and Atheists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 40. You believe that anything you hear that challenges your faith has Satan behind it trying to get you to fall away from God and loose your salvation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 Line problem addressed and repaired.. Y'all may continue to post in your regularly scheduled hellraising. kFL Trained Mankee On Guard, toss Greenbacks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piprus Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 41. You think beating the crap out of your kids for discipline is okay, as long as you think of it "lovingly". 42. You support "blue laws" forcing merchants to stay closed on Sunday, but have no problem stopping at the 7-eleven on the way home from church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rafiki Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 43. You ignore the fact that you're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel. 44. You cringe at every sign of the secular progressive's war on christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 45. You think that fantasy novels such as Harry Potter are evil and that J.K. Rowling is going to hell, but you have no problem with Narnia or Lord of the Rings. 46. You think that Halloween is evil, and you force your children to stay home or attend a "Reformation Day" party at your church instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 47. You believe anyone who embraces science and technology is a servant of Satan and are going to hell, yet you own a car, your home is artificially heated, you buy produce at the grocery store instead of growing all your own, and you happily sit at your computer and harass people on internet websites for not believing as you do. 48. You are scratching your head trying to figure out how grocery store produce and science and technology go together. And instead of finding out for yourself, you just shrug it off as the Satan inspired babble of another of these non-believers. 49. When you got out of high school, you knew everything you would ever need to know for the rest of your life. Any new concepts, ideas, studies, or discoveries since then you view with distrust, disbelief, and the idea that Satan is somehow behind it; unless your church leader has approved the knowledge from the pulpit. But since that happens so rarely, you really do know everything that is really necessary to live life right out of high school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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