Any Coming Out To Spouse Updates?

[Akheia]

Oh, I've got plenty of words for that, RR. None of them are terribly flattering, though. I perceive from the description that she's shunting you off--in self-defense maybe?

[silentknight]

My wife rarely mentions it anymore. I know she'd be thrilled if I went back to church, but she's no longer applying any pressure on me.

 

I don't think she's "accepted" it, so to speak, but she doesn't let it get in the way of the rest of our life.

[mcdaddy]

Well Ak, you took the abortion topic in a vein that wasn't how I initially intended it (although all those things you mentioned ARE very true - and its my fault for not explaining it more). The point I made with her was that if you abort a fetus, and it gets a one way express ticket to heaven (like they all say), it would be the MORALLY/ETHICALLY/RESPONSIBLE thing to do, to kill that little sucker. If I knew this was the case, and i could either A) abort my progeny and give him/her eternal life in the land of lollipops and unicorns, or B ) give him/her a human life, but endanger that soul to the fires of eternal hell (because you can't ever be sure if that little baby will wind up worshipping the right god, or any god, for that matter, obviously you off that little precious bowl of sunshine. I mean, who would put their own kid in danger of hell, just to give them a taste of this life? Of course, she said "Well I feel like thats playing God (abortion). W. T. F. So you would put my daughter(s) in danger of hell so you could appease your own little sense of righteousness? whatever.

 

But yeah, there are a littany of reasons to keep the population in check, although, even in my opinion, I'd rather just people take the pill instead of aborting fetusii left and right. I don't have a serious problem with it in the first few weeks, but after it has a beating heart, some level of brain function, etc I'm not really cool with it.

[roadrunner]

.........., but after it has a beating heart, some level of brain function, etc I'm not really cool with it.

 

Me too. I realize earlier that I said abortion when thinking birth control

[Akheia]

Oh my that made me laugh. Thanks, McD. Same planet, different worlds.... and they collided right there.

 

One does wonder though about the morality of children and heaven/hell. I'm not a parent but I think it'd be a really tough call--either ritually sacrifice the tyke at birth to ensure it'll go to heaven, or let it grow up and take the risk that it'll deconvert and become an apostate? But really, that's what's going on. Recently in the news a pair of absolutely crazy fundietard parents had a child who was diagnosed in the womb as having such a serious brain dysfunction that the kid had very little chance of being born alive, and if born alive would certainly not live long, and whatever life she had was going to be hell. The parents knew this from the start but refused to abort because yanno LIFE BLA BLA BLA. The girl was born, but endures a life of seizures every few hours; she will never eat or nurse by herself; her brain only has one hemisphere as it never fused into two, so there are all sorts of "will nevers" in her future, including "will never see pre-kindergarten." But her parents insist that she is a gift from their god and so are doing their level best to keep her alive as long as they humanly can. It would be playing god to let her die, you see. But it is not playing god to forcibly extend this suffering creature's pain hour by hour, tens of thousands of dollars at a time using every miracle medicine can grant. They are in debt to the tune of over a million dollars by now. Christians play god constantly, all the time, with their lives and with lives they have no right to play god with. When a Christian objects to "playing god," he's really objecting to taking an uncomfortable step out of his comfort zone.

 

(Oh, and I have gotten to the point where I really don't give a shit what anybody thinks about abortion in their personal cases as long as they don't try to legislate away my right to evict unwanted squatters from my home. But I'll gently suggest a trip to the appropriate thread elsewhere if we want to discuss further.)

[Thought2Much]

Am I the only one of us having "bad" days with my spouse.

 

I don't know if it's bad or good, but my wife hasn't brought up my non-belief since my "coming out" discussion with her. Not even once. Hasn't even hinted at it for the last six months. Which makes me wonder what she's thinking about all of it, but I have to admit I'm scared to push the issue. There doesn't seem to be any underlying hostility about it, and I'm pretty sure I know my wife well enough to tell if she was bothered by something like this.

 

Your story seems to be the "normal" one based on what I've read here on Ex-C, roadrunner. I don't even know what to make of my situation, except that I think it's downright strange.

[Akheia]

We go mad in herds, but wake up one by one. And every happy family is happy in the same way, while every unhappy family is unhappy in a different way (Dostewhozit, I think.)

 

Every ex-C's conversion sounds similar to every other Christian's, but our deconversions are all just a little different.

 

T2M, I trust your perceptions of your situation. I'm glad things are quieting down.

 

This is bringing back a lot of memories of how my Evil Ex behaved when I deconverted. I'm really glad that you guys are having an easier time of it than I did. You clearly picked better partners than I did...

[darwinfish]

I cant wait till my wife is comfortable with it. Its insulting to be treated like Im broken simply because I think people dont walk on water, donkeys don't talk, people dont come back from the dead, and that the world is not 6000 years old. Thats crazy.

 

You might have already tried this, but something I do is to use their same arguments and apply them to different religious or pseudo science beliefs to point how they would never accept someone else's claims based off those kinds of arguments. To be honest, that hasn't swayed anyone, but I still think it's the best way to show that they're being unreasonable.

[darwinfish]

Am I the only one of us having "bad" days with my spouse.

 

I don't know if it's bad or good, but my wife hasn't brought up my non-belief since my "coming out" discussion with her. Not even once. Hasn't even hinted at it for the last six months. Which makes me wonder what she's thinking about all of it, but I have to admit I'm scared to push the issue. There doesn't seem to be any underlying hostility about it, and I'm pretty sure I know my wife well enough to tell if she was bothered by something like this.

 

Your story seems to be the "normal" one based on what I've read here on Ex-C, roadrunner. I don't even know what to make of my situation, except that I think it's downright strange.

 

It's probably better than her trying to fight with you. Take what you can get.

[Rek99]

Am I the only one of us having "bad" days with my spouse?

 

Nope, I am as well. I've been very adamant about the children not going to a Christian Pre-School when we move to Idaho this coming month, and it's upsetting to her. I can understand that we got married as Christians and she was expecting our life to be a certain way, but we got married at 18. I was young and naive and she's no longer young (well, almost 30) but she's STILL naive.

 

And I can echo the "fingers in the ears" sentiment. I will go to church with her, go to bible study with her, and go to small group with her, but she won't even watch a single civilized debate between an Atheist and a Creationist. Some of our arguments get fairly heated, but she won't even have a normal discussion with me about the subject.

 

The underlying problem is that she feels I am being disrespectful to her and her god when I say how it isn't true. So, this is how the rest of our marriage will be. We'll spend the rest of our lives talkinga bout things that I would talk to a stranger about; weather, sports, vacations, places, things, but NOT things that actually matter. Oh well, maybe times will change things, but right now I'm in a fairly lonely place. There's always http://www.idahoatheists.org/index.html

[mcdaddy]

Me too, man. Theres so many interesting things I'd like to talk to MsDaddy about, but can't because it will offend her xian sensibilities.

[roadrunner]

Am I the only one of us having "bad" days with my spouse?

 

Nope, I am as well. I've been very adamant about the children not going to a Christian Pre-School when we move to Idaho this coming month, and it's upsetting to her. I can understand that we got married as Christians and she was expecting our life to be a certain way, but we got married at 18. I was young and naive and she's no longer young (well, almost 30) but she's STILL naive.

 

And I can echo the "fingers in the ears" sentiment. I will go to church with her, go to bible study with her, and go to small group with her, but she won't even watch a single civilized debate between an Atheist and a Creationist. Some of our arguments get fairly heated, but she won't even have a normal discussion with me about the subject.

 

The underlying problem is that she feels I am being disrespectful to her and her god when I say how it isn't true. So, this is how the rest of our marriage will be. We'll spend the rest of our lives talkinga bout things that I would talk to a stranger about; weather, sports, vacations, places, things, but NOT things that actually matter. Oh well, maybe times will change things, but right now I'm in a fairly lonely place. There's always http://www.idahoathe....org/index.html

 

LOL! Thats spot on! There is no interest in learning anything new. or even HEARING a discussion on the subject matter "Why do you want to watch debates? Everything is not always some fact." BLAH BLAH. I'm lonely too. The only books welcomed in our house are those that agree with what she thinks (of course there are other books but this underscores the tendency for people to groom their currently held beliefs). When people are faced with an idea contrary to what they think statistically they dig in their heels.

 

I am practically dying to have a religious discussion but everyone I know doesn't want to hear. John Loftus say "If you haven't changed you mind about something lately, then you haven't learned anything new. And I am convinced that my wife doesn't want to learn anything new.

[Thought2Much]

Me too, man. Theres so many interesting things I'd like to talk to MsDaddy about, but can't because it will offend her xian sensibilities.

 

I know. I can't talk about:

• Evolution
  
• Astronomy (at least anything that involves the age of the earth or the universe)
  
• Any skeptical topic that touches religion
  
• History (that doesn't fit with the Biblical accounts)
  
• Politics (I'm still pretty conservative politically, but I don't automatically vote Republican)
  
• Any views about sex that don't fit the Christian mainstream
  
• Etc.
  

[silentknight]

Unlike a lot of your spouses, my wife would make an excellent atheist. She already has a very logical, evidence based way of thinking. However, religion to her is like a loyalty. It's completely separate from the logical life she leads. It's more like church is tradition, it must be done whether you like it or not. You must accept certain tenants of the bible as true. You must believe in God. Otherwise, she's up for whatever.

[new2me]

RR,

 

It sounds to me like your wife just isn't ready to confront her faith with facts. The indoctrination, fear, and all that other stuff that held all of us in Christianity for so long is still strong within her. About a year ago, my husband wanted to watch the movie "Religulous" together, but I flatly refused to watch. I wasn't in a place where I was comfortable watching something that would make fun of my beliefs. I think you know that the reason she didn't want to watch that show with you had nothing to do with being tired. It's certainly easier for her to say she's tired than to tell you that she's not ready to hear the arguments backing up what you're trying to tell her.

 

However, if she doesn't want you to challenge her beliefs, she shouldn't be trying to challenge yours, and she shouldn't be recruiting others to tell you how wrong you are. That is really disrespectful.

[new2me]

I've been very adamant about the children not going to a Christian Pre-School when we move to Idaho this coming month, and it's upsetting to her.

 

I had my oldest child enrolled in a pre-school at a Christian church (for a few months, before we moved) last year. It was before my deconversion, so I didn't have any qualms about it at the time. However, I do remember that they did not teach any Christian dogma and actually was inclusive of other religions (I know there were some Jewish children who also attended the school.) I don't remember the details, but I thought that the way the school was set up required them to be non-exclusive. If that's the case with the Christian pre-school your wife wants your kids to go to, maybe it wouldn't be as bad as you think. If you know the name of the school, try to look it up online and see what they teach the kids.

[Ellwood]

Wow. I almost don't have anything to add because everyone is saying exactly what I would add. Unbelievable! The only thing I would add is that I do all my reading on a Kindle with a password so that my reading is not ridiculed. I had to put a password on the Kindle because one time she took my Kindle while I was at work and downloaded a Strobel book to it. I saw the email notifying me of the purchase and quickly reversed it. That felt good.

 

Wish we could all meet somewhere and have a good session of sharing.

[mcdaddy]

Wow. I almost don't have anything to add because everyone is saying exactly what I would add. Unbelievable! The only thing I would add is that I do all my reading on a Kindle with a password so that my reading is not ridiculed. I had to put a password on the Kindle because one time she took my Kindle while I was a work and downloaded a Strobel book to it. I saw the email notifying me of the purchase and quickly reversed it. That felt good.

 

Wish we could all meet somewhere and have a good session of sharing.

 

Alas, the UYC is a group that is separated by many miles...

[roadrunner]

Wow. I almost don't have anything to add because everyone is saying exactly what I would add. Unbelievable! The only thing I would add is that I do all my reading on a Kindle with a password so that my reading is not ridiculed. I had to put a password on the Kindle because one time she took my Kindle while I was a work and downloaded a Strobel book to it. I saw the email notifying me of the purchase and quickly reversed it. That felt good.

 

Wish we could all meet somewhere and have a good session of sharing.

 

I use the kindle app because I know what I would have thought of the guy in the airport reading GOD IS NOT GREAT or GODLESS. We have always been very open about passwords and all and I don't have anything to hide but recently she checked my email and saw my youtube comment conversations and emails to friend rants about religion. EDIT: also if I read lee strobel for a good laugh I don't want people to think that I believe it. People jump to conclusions too much Id rather just wear an atheist t-shirt on occasion.

 

I don't mind her reading my stuff but if she goes behind my back and does it, and then has an attitude with me later because shes upset about something she read and I have no clue it is becoming a problem. All I can think about is a user that used to be here ChurchSucks whose wife read his reddit profile behind his back and found out he was an atheist. My wife already knows I don't believe the bible anymore so thats the part thats frustrating.

 

Evidently somewhere in that book she is reading it says to basically take it on the chin as plan B when your husband skims over your "godliness". Which makes it even funnier because all her little jesus spurts are short lived and are followed up with Keeping with the Kardashians and an attitude (you gotta love situational virtue).

[Rek99]

I've been very adamant about the children not going to a Christian Pre-School when we move to Idaho this coming month, and it's upsetting to her.

 

I had my oldest child enrolled in a pre-school at a Christian church (for a few months, before we moved) last year. It was before my deconversion, so I didn't have any qualms about it at the time. However, I do remember that they did not teach any Christian dogma and actually was inclusive of other religions (I know there were some Jewish children who also attended the school.) I don't remember the details, but I thought that the way the school was set up required them to be non-exclusive. If that's the case with the Christian pre-school your wife wants your kids to go to, maybe it wouldn't be as bad as you think. If you know the name of the school, try to look it up online and see what they teach the kids.

 

Unfortunately the school they attend IS a dogmatic christian school. I want them to learn letters, numbers, reading, writing, etc..... instead they come home singing bible songs and talking about how god wished it and it was poofed into existence. When we move they won't be going to one like that.

[new2me]

Unfortunately the school they attend IS a dogmatic christian school. I want them to learn letters, numbers, reading, writing, etc..... instead they come home singing bible songs and talking about how god wished it and it was poofed into existence. When we move they won't be going to one like that.

 

Ugh. Well, at least you have the opportunity to get them out of the christian school they are in now.

Imagine, you want your kids to actually learn about things that are real in school! What a novel concept!

[Ellwood]

How about this one: Do any of you guys have to drive the nice new family minivan you just bought that your wife stuck a christian "fish" on the back so now you drive around wanting to yell out the window to other drivers, "My wife put that there! I am NOT a christian! Please don't think I am one of them! No really I am smarter than that!"

 

I am trying to show my "graciousness" to her by not pulling it off. But someday . . . . .

[roadrunner]

How about this one: Do any of you guys have to drive the nice new family minivan you just bought that your wife stuck a christian "fish" on the back so now you drive around wanting to yell out the window to other drivers, "My wife put that there! I am NOT a christian! Please don't think I am one of them! No really I am smarter than that!"

 

I am trying to show my "graciousness" to her by not pulling it off. But someday . . . . .

Its either that or a soccer ball. I refuse to put anything on my car. I'll wear a t-shirt where I can answer questions if someone asks. When I was really into christianity, I actually paid an internet compnay to print me a bumper sticker that said "What if it is true" I got so many thumbs up for that stupid thing and I didnt even know what I was talking about. LOL.

[LivingLife]

I hear you can order darwin feet for the fish.

[mcdaddy]

Or get a larger Darwin fish eating the smaller xian fish. Or maybe you could get one of those Calvins peeing on the fish.

 

Yeah, a few times recently I had to drive my moms van that has a bumper sticker that says "Righteousness exalts a nation" and another blasting Obama. Yeah. Oh, and an Arkansas Razorback (no problem there)license plate that ironically enough was customized and said WOOOOO.