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Goodbye Jesus

My Father Is Becoming A Pastor


sarahinprogress

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Hi. This is my first post.

I am terrified.

 

Let me give you a brief background:

 

I am going to be 25 next month and was raised in a christian home.

My parents were wishy washy christians at first, hardly ever going to church, and then skipping around in different churches.

 

I went to a public elementary school, and then private christian jr. and high schools.

 

The theology I learned at home vs. at school was always different and very confusing.

 

About 9 years ago my parents joined the RCUS, (Reformed Church of the United States), a basically Calvinistic church. My father became very very involved in church ministry, and was this year elected as an Elder, on his way to becoming a Ordained Minister. He will be moving with my mother to S. Dakota to go to seminary there.

 

About 6 months ago he found out both that I am having sex with my boyfriend, and that I do NOT believe in the Christian god.

 

 

My lack of belief in the Christian god started when i started college. Being suddenly exposed to SO much i had been protected from.... having my eyes suddenly opened to everything there was out there outside of christianity brought me to the edge of a doubt i had never dared to even acknowledge before.

 

BUT, as my father was so very zealotous about his faith, so very close minded, black and white, unchanging....

and as i wanted so badly to both gain his acceptance, and to never, never hurt him...

 

I said nothing.

I kept it secret.

I pushed all the doubt to the back of my mind and refused to acknowledge it once more, refused to let it surface, to do any research....

 

I fell into a really bad place. I started cutting myself, punishing myself for these bad thoughts i was having, for my lack of strength.

 

That went on for 4 years. Then I met a young man in an evening class.

Somehow he got inside my mind, "Question Everything," he told me.

So I started.

I started to question my father's reason, his sanity, his validity. I started questioning god, his mercy, his wrath, his reality.

 

I slowly came to accept that the christian god is not real. He is a fabrication.

So is Jesus as god. This is something that i have only recently realized in reasearching about Horas, Khrishna, etc.

 

 

 

But my father....

well my father really cannot accept this.

 

 

I am currently in the process of Matthew 18 (Bring one or more witnesses, etc) which i am thinking of as a spiritual intervention. The next step is to bring the pastor and another elder into it, and then i will be excommunicated.

 

 

Tonight, my father told me i am his daughter in blood only, and that while he willalways love me, he needs me to move out.

 

I have no where to go and dont make enough money to move out. I have applied to numerous places and no one is hiring. I was hoping to start a nursing program this summer, but with the added stress of him basically kicking me out, i dont know if i will have time.

 

 

....has anyone else dealt with this?

My heart hurts so much, that the religion my father has chosen is causing to make me feel this way, is making him write me out of his life.

He told me if i marry my boyfriend he will not come to my wedding, he will not give me away.

He say it is my actions that are causing him to do this....

why cant he see that it is him?

 

 

 

I hope that i posted this in the right place, thank you for reading.

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Yes you posted this to the right place. Welcome to ex-C. I do hope you have stopped cutting. There was a time when I needed a belt to keep control of my emotions. Strange that I had Jesus in my heart at the time and Jesus didn't do squat. It takes a while to get use to going without the pain and creating new coping methods but you need to end the cutting.

 

Sounds like your dad is a real jerk. Lots of people have a similar problem. Feel free to cut him out of your life. When you have a family of your own you don't need to have your dad pollute their minds. Don't feel guilty. Just protect yourself and your own. Don't know what to tell you about your economic situation. You could probably join the Navy or Air Force. Don't go into the Army, Marines or any infantry reserve. Infantry is a great way to get your leg blown off. Navy should be rather safe. Maybe look into non-church programs to help people out? Sorry I don't have any good ideas.

 

Still it's good to hear from you and thank you for posting your ex-testimony.

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Thank you for responding! Yes, i have stopped cutting. I've taken up crochet, actually, and try to do that when i feel like i need to selfharm. Im seeing a psychologist as well.

 

The hardest thing about my father is that I know he really truly believes that what he does he does out of love. It just tears me apart.

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Hi and welcome. Sadly no advice but it sucks to have to toss your kid out. Not having all the facts, I had to kick my 22yo son out b/c of shit he insisted on doing. Now he wants to move back as he sees that there is nothing like home. He now comes to me for advice and listens to what I have to say.

 

Being a parent is not easy at the best of times. Religion just compounds the problem.

 

Is it really the sex that you think bothers him? I mean at 25 you are not a teen and pretty much is the age where most women get married.

 

What about your BF? Can he not shack up with you?

 

In this repressed economy, it is not the same as when your dad and I were your age.

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Thank you for your response,

Yeah, my boyfriend and i are considering that, but with both of us being in school and working very low paying parttime jobs it's tough.

And yeah, its the sex that bothers him.

Well that and me rejecting the religion he has taught me since birth.

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Thank you for your response,

Yeah, my boyfriend and i are considering that, but with both of us being in school and working very low paying parttime jobs it's tough.

And yeah, its the sex that bothers him.

Well that and me rejecting the religion he has taught me since birth.

I assume you do take BCP or use protection. You know from a father's perspective, we do tend to be more protective over daughters. I had to force myself to not be over protective. The biggest concern for folk is that unexpected pregnancy and having to deal with the "shame" that comes with it in religious circles (maybe that is what he fears). As a parent you still would have to make a plan and help if you get my drift. Please understand I am not defending your father only trying to give you another perspective from another father/parent.

 

With his "ascent into priesthood", his moral standing comes into question seeing he cannot control his own daughter, however will he be able to set an example. That said, I think this is more about him than about you.

 

Two bells that cannot be unrung, realising there is no god and losing your virginity.

 

My guess is if your dad was just fundie w/o the priestly baggage, the situation may have been different

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Thank you for your response,

Yeah, my boyfriend and i are considering that, but with both of us being in school and working very low paying parttime jobs it's tough.

And yeah, its the sex that bothers him.

Well that and me rejecting the religion he has taught me since birth.

I assume you do take BCP or use protection. You know from a father's perspective, we do tend to be more protective over daughters. I had to force myself to not be over protective. The biggest concern for folk is that unexpected pregnancy and having to deal with the "shame" that comes with it in religious circles (maybe that is what he fears). As a parent you still would have to make a plan and help if you get my drift. Please understand I am not defending your father only trying to give you another perspective from another father/parent.

 

Thank you again, Yes i do use protection, my BF and i are very careful, as we both know we are currently very unready to have children.

As for my father: i really dont know if he'd be any different sans "priesthood." He's really been this way for as long as i can remember. Very rigid, black and white, and only his side-ed. I think it wouldn't have mattered so much if my losing my virginity did not also include losing my faith.

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I re read your OP. No matter what your dad says, IMO he has no way of dealing with the reality of how things have turned out. You really cannot disown your offspring no matter what they say in the heat of the moment. This is why religion sux as it suggests that divisions come for the guud of teh lard.

 

My issues with my son were all post deconversion.

 

My daughter and I have a relationship where she is kinda the favourite and I don't have the same issues with her as I do with my son.

 

I think parenting is hard as there is no manual. I too have denounced my son as a son and that lasted no more than two days. Blood is thicker than water. Daddy may be unable to realise you are now a woman and not his little girl anymore.

 

What about your mom, You seem to not mention her too much?

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Duckiegirl,

 

Your situation sounds terrible, I am so sorry you are going through this. Do you have friends or family you can stay with while you are looking for work & a place to stay? Don't believe that living at home with your parents is your only option, explore all possible opportunities.

 

Are you being forced to participate in this excommunication process?

 

The only thing I can say is, you are not responsible for you're father's emotions so don't take them on your shoulders. You are only responsible for yourself. It's really none of your father's business if you are having healthyn consensual sex. Don't discuss it with him, and don't answer his questions. Tell him you are uncomfortable talking with him about this and you aren't going to discuss it.

 

Is there any danger of physical violence from him? Please keep yourself safe.

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Dear Duckiegirl, I too am very sorry to hear of this horrible situation. I second the advice of LL and DM above. Does your school have a housing office where they list roommate referrals and/or inexpensive deals like a room in someone's house? What about your boyfriend's family? Any chance of staying there for a while?

 

I too think a lot of this has to do with your father's self-image and status as a soon-to-be clergyman.

 

Your father may think that, since you have very little income, you will have to submit because you need the housing at home. I can't advise you about what to do. Is there some compromise?

 

Aching for you, F

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Hi, Duckiegirl, and welcome to ExC.

 

I am sorry you are having so much trouble with your father. From what I can garner from your post, your father is kicking you out and going through the excommunication process as a way to try to establish control over you and force you into his way of thinking. Therefore, it seems to me that you have a choice. Either to submit or to stand up for yourself. Personally, I wouldn't judge you no matter your choice. But if you do not want to submit, then go with that with full force. You are 25 and so plenty old enough to take charge of your life and make it on your own. The only way you'll ever be able to escape his control is to remove yourself from the situation. I know that is easier said than done, but I'm sure you're capable of making it on your own.

 

I hope things work out for you and I'm betting they will once you take control of your own life.

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Welcome to Ex-C4!

 

I can't give you any good advice but I don't quite understand this:

 

He told me if i marry my boyfriend he will not come to my wedding, he will not give me away.

 

If his problem is with you and your BF having sex, wouldn't getting married should make him happy since then you would stop "sinning"?

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Hi Duckie! Welcome to Ex-C! *hugs* I'm so sorry you are going through this sucktastic situation. I don't have much to say that is different from anyone else. You don't have to participate in this Matthew 18 process at all. Not one bit. If you have friends/family/bf/bf's family whatever you need to do to get out of this situation-then do it. I am in a similar situation but not as drastic. It hurts to know and be kicked out because of your lack of belief and actions that your family-especially a parent considers wrong. From what I've read, you are being safe about everything as well. Don't let him(your dad) manipulate you. The manipulation may cause you to resent him. Also, you are not an object to be "given away" so if you decide to marry your boyfriend then your dad should be there to celebrate with you-just my opinion on that one. Anyways, we're here for you.

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That really, really sucks Duckie. I can't imagine being in your situation. I understand you want to go to school, but in some cases, you may need to hold off. Someone mentioned the military, but I'll say now that if you have any psychological issues, you may not get in or they'll make you lie. If you think you can handle it though, that would be an excellent option. Even Navy reserves would provide a little extra pay and the GI Bill would help pay for up to 2 years of education.

 

Otherwise, I would suggest taking classes to get more immediate employment. There may be some quicker vocational schools in the area that would allow you to become a Pharmacy Tech (which is what I have and pays $11-12/hour) or perhaps take a CNA class and start working in a nursing home or rehab facility. At least then you would have some experience in health care under your belt when you do get that nursing degree.

 

Also, apply for scholarships! Anything you can find! Be sure to fill our your FAFSA in time as well. Craigslist is a great place to find apartments that are fairly cheap. Between you and your boyfriend, you may be able to scrape together enough to make ends meet. It may be a good idea to apply for food stamps and government-issued health insurance too. There should also be some free clinics in the area. I don't know what you guys do as far as transportation, but saving up for a moped/scooter may be a good idea too. In most states you don't need a license for them, they get close to 100 mpg and really save at the pumps.

 

Time helps as well though. Perhaps your father may make more sensible decisions if he has time to think on them. If you and your boyfriend do get married, send them invitations anyway. They may have changed their mind since then. If he is still stubborn, just keep sending them letters whether they respond or not. Show them you are just as loving as an atheist as you were when you were Christian.

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no way should you participate in this intervention and all that rot. Participation renders it credibility, Reject it utterly and do not acknowledge its legitimacy in any way. It isn't legitimate and is nothing more than a a fantasy ritual for a non existent deity. It is meaningless.

I feel for you and I cannot begin to imagine your heartache but my advice is to call his bluff and get on with it. There is no compromise possible with this kind of mentality and either you will submit to his attempts to have you behave like a good little obedient christian daughter or you will begin your own life. There are no other alternatives. This may be the thing that eventually brings him around to be honest, if you are determined. Losing his daughter may crack the facade of his faith wide open. He is repressed and rigid, sometimes that rigidity is quite fragile.

I am certain of one thing though. NO WAY should you allow yourself to sit there and have a bunch of deacons and elders pass judgement over you. Stand up for yourself and announce that their kangaroo court is without merit and you do not under any circumstances recognize it as having any authority. If I was you, I'd laugh and walk away. It's lunacy to imagine an adult woman in 2012 being subjected to some medieval ritual like this. Tell them they're living in the stone age and you won't have any of it.

I know it's hard but the alternative is submission.

good luck

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and no father who loves his child would disown her on the basis of a difference in faith or even having consensual sex with a boyfriend. He might be pissed, but disowning over that? He's not much of a dad in my opinion. You're a grown woman, time to move out. Sorry, but it's the truth. I do feel for you.

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Welcome to Ex-C, DuckieGirl :)

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.

 

Your father has to kick you out, doesn't he? Otherwise they won't let him become a minister, right, and he can lose his status in the church. Am I on the right track here? It's not acceptable for him to be a minister in this church and have a family member, especially his own daughter, not living according to christ's teaching, right?

 

I know that doctrine. Can't remember the exact verses in the NT, but if he doesn't take a hard line with you, then he won't be allowed to be a minister. Which really just makes me feel for you even more, because your father has basically just chosen the ministry over you, his own daughter. I am so sorry. This is just awful.

 

The nly thing I could recommend is that you see someone at your university if you're still studying, and see if there is anyone who may be able to offer more practical help to you right now. Because that's what you need more than anything else.

 

Sending you a hug

 

Love Pudd

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Welcome to Ex-C4!

 

I can't give you any good advice but I don't quite understand this:

 

He told me if i marry my boyfriend he will not come to my wedding, he will not give me away.

 

If his problem is with you and your BF having sex, wouldn't getting married should make him happy since then you would stop "sinning"?

 

The way she described everything it sounds like her father is too far gone for that.

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I found it. 1 Timothy 3 is the backing for this type of shit:

3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; wom1.giffv.gifinterp.gif (3:2) "A bishop must be ... the husband of one wife."

Apparently, it's OK for laymen to have several.

Is polygamy OK? 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) 3:6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. 3:7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. 3:8 Likewise must the deacons be grave, not doubletongued, not given to much wine, not greedy of filthy lucre; 3:9 Holding the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience. 3:10 And let these also first be proved; then let them use the office of a deacon, being found blameless. 3:11 Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things. 3:12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. 3:13 For they that have used the office of a deacon well purchase to themselves a good degree, and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus.

 

From the Skeptic's Annotated Bible

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LOL . . . "the mystery of the faith". What's so mysterious? The mystery is how can millions of people (including us) fall for this scam.

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LOL . . . "the mystery of the faith". What's so mysterious? The mystery is how can millions of people (including us) fall for this scam.

 

Tell me about it. It's even sadder that a lot of churches still take these verses literally.

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Thank you for your response,

Yeah, my boyfriend and i are considering that, but with both of us being in school and working very low paying parttime jobs it's tough.

And yeah, its the sex that bothers him.

Well that and me rejecting the religion he has taught me since birth.

 

I second the idea of the military and would add the coast guard to the list. Until you find employment, you might need welfare, food stamps, etc until you can get a job. Others have mentioned moving in with boyfriend or even a friend. New housing and money are top priorities. I worked a crummy full time job at a casino making less than $6 an hour back in the day and was able to 'survive' and put a roof over my head.

 

The intervention is stupid but you could lie and claim you found Jesus again if you need to buy some time. Though I'd make it top priority to get out.

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Oh wow, i am literally crying at my computer desk right now. Thank you so much everyone for responding! Ok, let me try to answer/respond to some of this...

 

Welcome to Ex-C4!

 

I can't give you any good advice but I don't quite understand this:

 

He told me if i marry my boyfriend he will not come to my wedding, he will not give me away.

 

If his problem is with you and your BF having sex, wouldn't getting married should make him happy since then you would stop "sinning"?

 

His problem is not so much the sex but that my boyfriend is not a christian in my fathers definition, and therefore we are unequally yoked. He can not and will not approve of anyone i love who is outside of the church. We had this same problem when i started hanging out the the gay guys in my drama classes.

 

 

Your father may think that, since you have very little income, you will have to submit because you need the housing at home. I can't advise you about what to do. Is there some compromise?

 

Aching for you, F

 

He HAS said that he feels very betrayed and while i may think HE is emotionally blackmailing ME, its really the other way around. Convienent, no? I already had to sign a contract to pay rent, go to church, and help with household matters to stay there, if i would not repent. He is now forcing ME to break that contract by asking me to leave. ...I really dont think there is any more room for compromise in there. My boyfriend lives with his parents also, and i really wouldnt feel comfortable asking to stay there, even though they do like me. I dont want to move this burden into anyone elses home. The best bet is for me to get my own place, but its hard, since i live in Southern Cali, and everything is expeeeensive. I'll work it out eventually, the thing that just makes it hard is my father ACTUALLY told me he wants me to leave so "that whatever GOD has planned for you will just HAPPEN and you will come back to Him."

 

ugh.

 

Are you being forced to participate in this excommunication process?

 

Is there any danger of physical violence from him? Please keep yourself safe.

Thank you! Yes, i have tried the "dont want to talk about it" tract, he gets very grumpy and demanding because I am after all, his property until i get married. Says so right in the good book. Body belongs to him until he gives it to my husband. Must be kept pure.

No, my father have only struck me once, across the back of my hand, in my entire life. I dont think the way things are going now he would hit me. If i started yelling and screaming....maybe. But i really doubt it. God has changed him, after all.

 

 

I seem to be getting more angry and synical by the second.

 

I re read your OP. No matter what your dad says, IMO he has no way of dealing with the reality of how things have turned out. You really cannot disown your offspring no matter what they say in the heat of the moment. This is why religion sux as it suggests that divisions come for the guud of teh lard.

 

My issues with my son were all post deconversion.

 

My daughter and I have a relationship where she is kinda the favourite and I don't have the same issues with her as I do with my son.

 

I think parenting is hard as there is no manual. I too have denounced my son as a son and that lasted no more than two days. Blood is thicker than water. Daddy may be unable to realise you are now a woman and not his little girl anymore.

 

What about your mom, You seem to not mention her too much?

Well....I dont know, that would seem to fit the pattern, this isnt the first time he's said "GET OUT" and then rescinded, but it is the first time religion has gotten involved, and one must understand how dearly my father hold his religion.

 

He once told me if someone was holding a gun to MY head asking HIM to renounce Christ, he wouldn't. And he hoped i'd understand and see him in heaven.

 

That was pre-"i-dont-believe-in-your-god". Pre- deconversion, i guess? That's such a strange new word to me.

 

As for my mother...she used to be much more on my side. Much more the buffer between my father and I. But since her choice to move with him to S.dakota for seminary, and to become a pastor's wife, she has started becoming much more rigid as well. Not so much as my father...but....different. She's very hurt, i feel like she starting to distance herself from me. She HAS said she will never let anyone tell her she can not have a relationship with me, or stop talking to me, but...yeah, i feel her pulling away from the pain i am causing.

 

Also, you are not an object to be "given away" so if you decide to marry your boyfriend then your dad should be there to celebrate with you-just my opinion on that one.

Wow. Just.....

I...i had never thought about that before. About how much ownership "giving away" implies. My father has told me thought, that my body belongs to him until he gives it to my husband, so i guess i shoudl have seen...but...wow. I feel like my brain is exploding!

 

holy fuck!

 

Thank you! thankyouthankyouthankyou

 

Someone mentioned the military, but I'll say now that if you have any psychological issues, you may not get in or they'll make you lie. If you think you can handle it though, that would be an excellent option. Even Navy reserves would provide a little extra pay and the GI Bill would help pay for up to 2 years of education.

 

Otherwise, I would suggest taking classes to get more immediate employment. There may be some quicker vocational schools in the area that would allow you to become a Pharmacy Tech (which is what I have and pays $11-12/hour) or perhaps take a CNA class and start working in a nursing home or rehab facility. At least then you would have some experience in health care under your belt when you do get that nursing degree.

 

If you and your boyfriend do get married, send them invitations anyway. They may have changed their mind since then. If he is still stubborn, just keep sending them letters whether they respond or not. Show them you are just as loving as an atheist as you were when you were Christian.

Thank you so much. ok let me do a list for this one.

1. The military is not really an option due to health issues, asthma, poor eyesight, etc. I was born premature so i'm really susecptible to illness and injury. Also, my father is a Marine, and i really cant reconcile joining a military corp....just, personally.

2. Yes, right now i am looking into starting a 1 year LVN program, which i think is the best, its only a few months longer than CNA or Phlebotomy etc, and it'll enable me to go directly into the second year of any RN program should i choose to then follow that path (which i want to)

3. I really couldn't exclude my father, ever. I mean, barring hes actually damaging my children oncei have some. But i will always be the one reaching out, i realize it is HIM who is cutting ME off, no matter what he says. I have been emotionally manipulated by him for a long time, and i dont even think he realizes that is what it is. But, im coming to realize it,and to heal myself.

thanks you do much for your advice.

 

no way should you participate in this intervention and all that rot. Participation renders it credibility, Reject it utterly and do not acknowledge its legitimacy in any way. It isn't legitimate and is nothing more than a a fantasy ritual for a non existent deity. It is meaningless.

 

I am certain of one thing though. NO WAY should you allow yourself to sit there and have a bunch of deacons and elders pass judgement over you. Stand up for yourself and announce that their kangaroo court is without merit and you do not under any circumstances recognize it as having any authority. If I was you, I'd laugh and walk away. It's lunacy to imagine an adult woman in 2012 being subjected to some medieval ritual like this. Tell them they're living in the stone age and you won't have any of it.

I know it's hard but the alternative is submission.

good luck

 

Again! someone openning my eyes, haha.

I have never really thought of not submitting at all. I felt: i am living under his roof he IS providing for me, i should follow his rules as far as i can.

and "medieval ritual" just...I am so very glad i found this website. There is really noone i can share with, since my Boyfriend wasnt raised as strictly christian as i was, and my best friend is still firm in his belief (although his road is much more accepting and kind than my fathers)

 

thank you so much for being here and for helping me to see what ridiculousness this is.

Your father has to kick you out, doesn't he? Otherwise they won't let him become a minister, right, and he can lose his status in the church. Am I on the right track here? It's not acceptable for him to be a minister in this church and have a family member, especially his own daughter, not living according to christ's teaching, right?

Yeah....i think alot if it is that. But he has excluded people from our family/family gatherings for rejecting his faith even BEFORE he started on this track to become a pastor, so i think alot of it is just HIM as well. He is very very rigid in his beliefs, he clings to them. He really doesnt like any kind of change. When i my mum gets a haircut he gets all grumpy and bothered, so i mean, you can imagine what this is doing to him.

 

I second the idea of the military and would add the coast guard to the list. Until you find employment, you might need welfare, food stamps, etc until you can get a job.

 

The intervention is stupid but you could lie and claim you found Jesus again if you need to buy some time. Though I'd make it top priority to get out.

I will have to start looking into welfare, etc. I actually am quite willing to use those resources.

I dont think i could tell them id reclaimed my faith, i've been lying about it for so long, to swallow it again would just be hell.

 

 

 

Again, thank you SO much everyone who commented...it means alot to me

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Oh DuckieGirl,

 

Sounds as though we could have grown up in the same household. It's all so familiar to me, but it was my biological mother. You don't have any other option but to move out, and preferably with some distance between you and your father. He says he loves you, and he may well do, but not unconditionally. His love is dependant upon you conforming to his very narrow perceptions of who you should be and how you should act, think, and believe.

 

It is very hard to face; boy, do I ever know how hard. I have no contact at all with my biological mother, because she is just too toxic, and causes me too much heartache. But things do get better. You will meet people who love and accept you for who you are, exactly as you come, and as hard as it can be financially, your happiness and peace is worth it. Don't fear going into the big unknown. I know it's scary, I left at the age of 14 with just the clothes on my back and a dollar in my pocket. You'll get there. You'll find your way. And we'll be here, cheering you on every step of the way.

 

Thinking of you and sending a hug,

 

Pudd

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dear duckiegirl,

Yes, if you live under his roof and he's providing for you, it is TO YOUR ADVANTAGE and in the interests of domestic harmony to obey... TO A POINT. You shouldn't directly disrespect him, but as far as your beliefs, they are yours. Nowhere except in the bible is there anything regarding submission, and there's the fly in the ointment. As long as you hold his worldview, then yes, the bible requires that you submit. Now that you have rejected his worldview, it is time to gently indicate to him that the biblical dogma of female submission no longer applies to you and you have your own life to live. (The only sensible and wholesome attitude anyways, but that's from my perspective, not his.) You are an adult now, and if financial constraints are the only reason you continue to accept this dire situation, it's definitely time to move.

the truth is, there is no easy solution to your dilemma, I'm afraid, as I noted earlier, there are two alternatives. Live a lie under his roof and pretend, all in the name of preserving your living space, be a good christian obedient daughter and do what you're told, or Get out.

My vote is to get out. But it is harsh, and I can't begin to tell you how to go about it, but there will be people who you will meet who will help, of that I'm certain.

His faith is profoundly unbiblical, really, as he ignores Jesus acceptance of sinners and his command to love above all things. He is a legalist, the worst kind of fundie. I knew a guy who pretended to ignore his wifes troubles because they threatened his social standing in church, she was hiding in the basement, busily doing intravenous heroin because of the legalistic bullshit he was throwing at her constantly. guilt, shame and the whole miserable ball o wax, while he pretended that everything was fine. He disowned his own daughters (fine young women of good character) because they had non Xtian boyfriends. It is despicable.

You need to get out, no matter how difficult, and I really would consider moving far far away in truth. His attempts to dominate your life and bring you back in may never stop. the ideology he follows is pure poison. I can see that in some ways the furniture of your mind is still quite coloured by the theology. It is time to start to think about changing your mind. Begin thinking as a non believer and reject all traces of the bs ideology whenever they show up. Of course you are not required to submit to a dogmatic system of rules that you don't even believe. He doesn't submit to Islamic dictates or Buddhist commands on how to live, now that you aren't a believer in his faith, you are not under that system of rules anymore. It is likely you must get out in order to show him this, let him think whatever he likes, it matters not. It will hurt, to be sure, but you need to move on with your life.

remember, his rules based on biblical dogma are no longer your rules and you are not obliged to follow them. Tell him that for you to follow his dictates in matters of faith would make you a hypocrite, the worst kind of sinner lol.

feeling for you.

good luck with everything. horrible situation to find yourself in.

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