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Thought2Much

What's The One Bit Of Christianese You Never Want To Hear Again?

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"Did you turn it over to God?" or "Have you prayed about it?"

Another piss-me-off-er relates to this:

 

Did you get your husband to pray over you? (In fact, he should stand a little behind me, with me sitting, and him standing...[gags])

 

Ah, right. Penis factor. That's what God needs to hear my needs. It took me years to get over this one!

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I have so many that I could write a dictionary... My favourite pet hate was always when someone at the start of a devotional time would strike up in prayer something like "Lord, Abba, Father, we just wanna lay our lives down, oh yes Jeeeeeeeeeeeeesus, we just wanna.....raise you up in praise in this place etc etc." This should always go with a face like you are having a huge sh*t or smacking of lips.

 

Other examples of my pet hates were the phrases and saying such as;

"quiet time,"

"When we were praising/prayer I really felt the L*rd tell me that....,"

"I just wanna really encourage you,"

"amen to that brother,"

and "It was so amazing that god did xyz."

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"God gave me a word for you. . ."

 

"God laid you on my heart today. . ."

 

"I know God wants to use you in a mighty way. . ."

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Why do fundies "believe ON Jesus (or whatever)" instead of just "believing IN Jesus (or whatever)"?

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"you are an instrument of god" Wendybanghead.gif

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''the lord has a plan for your life''

 

''the lord has something he wants you to do''

 

''god doesn't like his children dating non christians''

 

also when praying in group settings,and this one may be 'just' a british colloquialism, but i really 'just' praise you lord,'just' heal this brother and 'just' let him know ur with him,'just' be with him lord.

 

how many times could one british christian say 'just' in their prayers! I swear to god!

 

we,you,our organisation,our church (fill in your own) need so and so's ''covering'' pmsl

 

''my husband died last week but he was a christian and i know where he's gone to so its ok''

 

if you just have faith the size of a mustard seed ........you can do anything etc

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I have so many that I could write a dictionary... My favourite pet hate was always when someone at the start of a devotional time would strike up in prayer something like "Lord, Abba, Father, we just wanna lay our lives down, oh yes Jeeeeeeeeeeeeesus, we just wanna.....raise you up in praise in this place etc etc." This should always go with a face like you are having a huge sh*t or smacking of lips.

 

Other examples of my pet hates were the phrases and saying such as;

"quiet time,"

"When we were praising/prayer I really felt the L*rd tell me that....,"

"I just wanna really encourage you,"

"amen to that brother,"

and "It was so amazing that god did xyz."

 

those were beautiful brother...very edifying!I have not laughed so much in several days.I especially like the bit about facial expressions.

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I think the reason that so many of these phrases annoy us, is because this religion has not evolved. So all of these things get recycled and over used. It's like a bad advertising campaign. You just keep flipping the slogan so it sort of sounds different.

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any reference to being ''used''! i swear to god why the fuck did we all say we wanted to be used like a bit of toilet paper or a cup or somthing by the lord.what god awlful terminology.''lord just use this brother turn him into a mighty mighty man of god.....for your glory lord,amen''

 

 

also 'victory' ,silly grunts and 'mmmmmn's' that got said in prayer meetings, any variation on 'casting your burden' or giving him your burden;like it is that simple.

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Why do fundies "believe ON Jesus (or whatever)" instead of just "believing IN Jesus (or whatever)"?

 

Because they are at a stage in their delusionfaith that it is not possible for Jesus to not exist. Since Jesus is so real the only believing you can do regarding Jesus is believing attributes about Jesus or believing that Jesus will do something.

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'I just want to speak blessing into your life" - maybe this is only a Hillsong dialect, with a touch of Word-faith overtones. must be accompanied by an out-thrust palm.

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Thanking God for mundane events, lots of things about prayer, and anything that blames demons for real problems (I've never really heard it face-to-face, but it would still tick me off.)

 

  • ...
  • "complementarity of the sexes"
  • ...

 

^THIS. This phrase, the entire concept, and its implications needs to be dropped quickly.

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'I just want to speak blessing into your life" - maybe this is only a Hillsong dialect, with a touch of Word-faith overtones. must be accompanied by an out-thrust palm.

 

lol yes it has to be an out thrust palm!

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I hate the way the words "just" and "Father" are way over-used in prayer: "Father, we just kneel before you, Father, and we just pray that you just (add a petition here), Father..."

Or, people who get the names all jumbled up to sound even stronger:

"Father God Lord Jesus we (just) come before you God. Spirit of God Lord Jesus, Father, we (just) pray that...... Holy Spirit Jesus, we (just) come to you now Father Lord."

 

This has always made me crazy.

 

Did you ever count how many times someone said it for fun? It's hilarious GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

 

I first started noticing this in college when I started falling in with a few Fundy types. It started to make me skeptical -- it felt like Jesus/God/Holy Spirit/Father had an ADD problem and we had to keep on getting their attention.

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"I've got this on my heart..." - yeah--they say that right before they stick it to you.

 

I also wonder if, after you say something, the answer "Thanks for sharing," came out of Christianity. This one bothers me - so it probably did.

 

fart.gif "Thanks for sharing

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Yeah, the "believe ON Christ" thing makes no grammatical sense.

 

Some of these expressions, like "that's why God invented the [invention of modern science]" don't bother me, as I hear them all the time from the non-religious and I assumed they were just jokes anyway.

 

But I'm surprised no-one else mentioned the "it's not a religion, it's a relationship" thing. That to me is just such a royal cop-out that it pisses me off.

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But I'm surprised no-one else mentioned the "it's not a religion, it's a relationship" thing. That to me is just such a royal cop-out that it pisses me off.

 

That silly shit goes without saying, to me.

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"Edify"

 

Oh, shut up and talk like a normal person. No one says edify anymore except religious nuts.

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While we're at it, guess what I saw on a fundy site?

 

"The Lord wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts."

 

Uh, so these religious nuts are saying they're not religious nuts because....?

Oh wait, to them, every interpretation they disagree with is religion, but theirs is special because it's true, right?

 

Anyway, "spiritual fruit" may as well be a new term for "religious nut". I mean, what's the difference?

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What's bugged me for ages is the word "fellowship". If there was ever an invitation to someone's house for "food, fun, and fellowship", that pretty much solidified the fact that somewhere in the course of the evening there was going to be a Bible study or sing-a-long or something like that. Even when I was a Christian I tried to avoid accepting invitations that contained the word "fellowship". smile.png

Word. Even worse, when "fellowship" becomes a verb, as in "we just thank you, Father, that we can just fellowship in your name, Father..."

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Even worse, when "fellowship" becomes a verb, as in "we just thank you, Father, that we can just fellowship in your name, Father..."

Fellowshipping is so wonderful, no? GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

 

Why can't they just say "hanging out"? Oh, I guess because they are fellowshiping for the edification of the anointed Body. (Thank you JesusFatherGodThankYouLord.)

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Many of the things mentioned above but the following take the prize for me:

 

"We are aaaaaalllll sinners, every one of us, before a great and almighty God."

 

"We can't even do so much as think one good thought without God."

 

"Without God I'd be nothing, a sinner worth nothing, unable to think even one good thought."

 

Spoken solemnly, self-deprecatingly, implying that it applies to every human being without exception, myself included. Even by people who did not know me well enough to make such blanket statements about me. So overwhelming and offensive did I find this attitude that I made it my Masters thesis to find out where it comes from. WHY DID ANYONE THINK THAT ALL HUMANS WERE THE SAME???

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Anyone accepting any award,

"First I'd like to thank god for this award..."

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So overwhelming and offensive did I find this attitude that I made it my Masters thesis to find out where it comes from.

What were your findings?

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"God never gives you more than you can bear."

 

I really LOATHE this one. It's so fucking heartless and dismissive of people's suffering.

 

Tell that to my mother. She killed herself. I've got her ashes, if you want to talk to them.

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