What's The One Bit Of Christianese You Never Want To Hear Again?

[London]

Here's one I just remembered:

 

Whenever anyone is doing anything fun that doesn't involve praising Jesus or reading the Bible, they are described as "trying to fill the Jesus shaped hole in their heart."

 

This one just makes me want to blow chunks when I hear it.

Wait! What??

Are you saying that when people are having fun, they are trying to fill jesus' hole?

The new slogan should be, "It's not a religion, it's a kinky relationship."

[jackbauer]

Holiness: Because I always envisioned holy people as extremely stuck up and having no fun. Like their looking their nose down on you for not being holy enough.

Righteous: I can feel the smugness coming from anybody who says they live a righteous life.

Wickedness: Wouldn't be such a bad word if the people who it was directed to were just everyday imperfect humans.

Truth: Prove it mother fucker.

Thee and Thou: Pretentious bible speak. So fake!

 

Any other flowery glurge trying to cover up the darker implications of Christianity.

[jdog]

So many of what has been said so far just makes me cringe. I heard so much of it. I have to admit I have blocked a lot of this stuff out. I am not around it anymore and avoid it. It did make me cringe when LL cool J said that shit on the Grammies. It's so accepted to mention god and do public display of praying. I find it annoying.

 

Back to the christianese stuff. When I or someone said that I wasn't 'feeling' god's presence or not 'feeling' that he is listening..or whatever.

 

I was told that we ought not rely on our "feelings" as our feelings can be inaccurate and that we need to KNOW and TRUST that God is there whether we "feel" it or not. That we are to live our life not based on feelings but based on faith.

 

I always, always FELT that there was something very wrong with this.

 

Another one is I got tired of hearing how we needed to rely on and read daily

 

The Word, or the Word of God.

 

or someone would mention how they got some amazing 'message' when they were reading the 'word of god' and how the holy spirit was talking to them through the word of god.

[shy1680]

When I lived in Mississippi, it was "too blessed to be stressed".

 

My second least favorite,

 

"God is Awesome" reply "All the Time"

[marmot]

When I lived in Mississippi, it was "too blessed to be stressed".

 

My second least favorite,

 

"God is Awesome" reply "All the Time"

 

In my neck of the woods, it was:

 

God is good, all the time.

 

All the time, God is good.

 

A lot of people at my church had GIGATT bracelets. I never was tempted to wear that after taking off my WWJD bracelet in the 8th grade.

[peejay]

In the glory

A whole lotta glory on that

Intimacy with Jesus

That's so Kingdom

Possessing your soul

walking in grace

manifesting

But I come from a really crazy super charismatic background so the crazy abounds.

[Reprobate]

god don't make mistakes.

[♦ ficino ♦]

In the glory

A whole lotta glory on that

Intimacy with Jesus

That's so Kingdom

Possessing your soul

walking in grace

manifesting

But I come from a really crazy super charismatic background so the crazy abounds.

 

These must be recent - in my pentecostal days (the '70s - egad) none of these phrases were around, though there were others just as bad.

 

BTW I do like the custom among Greeks (genuine ethnic Greeks not frat folks) on Easter, when one person says Χριστός ανέστη (Christ is Risen) and the reply is αληθώς ανέστη (truly he is risen/ he is risen indeed).

 

The head of the Board of the school where I used to be the high school principal is nominally Russian Orthodox. She told me once that she does not believe in God but she believes in ritual. On the whole I like that.

[mymistake]

Intimacy with Jesus

 

Eeewww yuck!

 

I'm getting tired of Christians who pronounce "God" like it is spelled g-AWE-d. They kind of sing it right in the middle of a conversation. If they were to say "Let's pray God will heal her" they would spend more time saying God than all the other words in that line put together.

[Legion]

I had a boss one time named John, and I knew he was a skeptical person. He sneezed one day and I said....

 

May the Lord God Almighty in great Heaven above bless you John!

 

He said...

 

shut up

[Thackerie]

I had a boss one time named John, and I knew he was a skeptical person. He sneezed one day and I said....

 

May the Lord God Almighty in great Heaven above bless you John!

 

He said...

 

shut up

 

That's because he was being polite.

[buffettphan]

When I lived in Mississippi, it was "too blessed to be stressed".

 

 

 

There's a church sign in my area that says "We're too blessed to be depressed". It seems like they keep that sign up 3/4 of the year and only swap it out for holiday messages.

 

I cringe every time I see that damn thing and wonder how many people suffering with depression are hurt even more every time they drive down the road and see that sign -- not to mention how their own church members feel.

[mymistake]

When I lived in Mississippi, it was "too blessed to be stressed".

 

 

 

There's a church sign in my area that says "We're too blessed to be depressed". It seems like they keep that sign up 3/4 of the year and only swap it out for holiday messages.

 

I cringe every time I see that damn thing and wonder how many people suffering with depression are hurt even more every time they drive down the road and see that sign -- not to mention how their own church members feel.

 

They are too "blessed" to know the difference between a mood and a disease.

[stryper]

 

Intimacy with Jesus

 

 

YAY necrophilia in the church!!!

[nerdasaurus]

1. "God has a plan for you."

 

2. "Pray about it!" (This was heard especially when going through stressful or difficult times.)

 

3. "This is between you and God..." (I find that this is a poor excuse to avoid giving advice or offering sympathy.)

 

4. "Hate the sin, love the sinner." (This is absolutely hypocritical and two-faced. I couldn't stand this phrase.)

 

Now, for the most annoying phrase of all...

 

5. "Let go, let GOD." (What the HELL is this even supposed to mean?! Again, used by friends to avoid giving me logical or helpful advice.)

[London]

#1 & #3 just anger me so much. What drivel that is. Well if it's between me and god, I got a plan for him.

 

I think that number 5 always sounds like something you say to someone who is on their death bed. It's like some convoluted line spoken in a movie for extra dramatic effect.

[lemars]

This isn't a spoken phrase per se, but vomiting verbs like "ignite. grow. pray. worship. refresh. connect. regenerate. etc. etc. etc." onto every banner, logo or pamphlet targeted towards "young people" -- you know, just to show how dynamic and exciting a life in Christ is -- is something I definitely won't be missing.

[owen652]

I'd love to do a rebranding of a christian banner or poster as an exercise

STAGNATE!

JUDGE!

PARROT!

CONDEMN!

SMIRK!

ATROPHY!

[Skepticktok]

Any and all things with the word "edify" and "convicted"

 

"Love the sinner hate the sin." (Only seems to be quoted in refrence to LGBT people.)

 

"It's not religion...it's a personal relationship."

 

"How is your walk with the lord?" (Heard this alot as I deconverted.)

 

"Jank" (our word for everything demonic.)

 

"You're thinking in the natural."

 

"God's favor"

 

"Generational spirits/curses"

 

I could probably think of more.

[Zephie]

"carnal mind"

[ConureDelSol]

I'd love to do a rebranding of a christian banner or poster as an exercise

STAGNATE!

JUDGE!

PARROT!

CONDEMN!

SMIRK!

ATROPHY!

 

I kinda like the word parrot...

[London]

I'd love to do a rebranding of a christian banner or poster as an exercise

STAGNATE!

JUDGE!

PARROT!

CONDEMN!

SMIRK!

ATROPHY!

 

I kinda like the word parrot...

 

My mom has one that giggles like Elmo. It's funnier than the real Elmo. It's a grey.

[MrsRoper]

How about this fake apology?

 

I'm sorry I just had a momentary lapse of humanity.

 

Are you fucking kidding me? You have a momentary lapse of humanity 24hrs a day 7days a week you sanctimonious asshat.

[Akheia]

"Trusting the Lord for a healing" and variations thereof. Ugh! I especially hate that one after losing my mother to cancer. I spent a lot of time in the chapel in her hospital and read the prayer requests left by previous visitors, and was sickened by how many people wrote that. I wonder if any of them learned that God can't be trusted for fuck-all anything.

 

Telling strangers you're "blessed" when asked how you are, or ending phone conversations with "Have a blessed day." It's like wearing a bondage collar and leash in public--I don't really want to be an involuntary observer-participant in your little kinkfest, thanks, fundie.

 

Though last Easter it was super-cute how Christians tried so hard not to be totally offensive with wishing me a happy one Not a single one tried to evangelize me, but dozens tentatively sounded me out about how I felt about being wished a happy Easter (like most phone monkeys, I'm fine with it and just happy someone's being nice to me for a change as long as it's not proselytizing).

[lunaticheathen]

How about this fake apology?

 

I'm sorry I just had a momentary lapse of humanity.

 

Are you fucking kidding me? You have a momentary lapse of humanity 24hrs a day 7days a week you sanctimonious asshat.

 

O_o Waahhh?? I've never heard that in my life. I'd start looking for signs of being an alien or an andriod if someone said that to me.

 

I seriously read that statement in Data's voice. That's the most batshit crazy thing I've heard, ever.