What's The One Bit Of Christianese You Never Want To Hear Again?

[Wings]

My pet peeve as of late has been the oft-used rhetoric of my tradition: "the devil has hardened your heart" (no, reading has opened my mind) and "you have become a slave to the world" (what does that even mean!?)

[Akheia]

I'd be super-happy if Christians would stop fucking talking to non-Christians as if (to use one of these marvbiscuits' own analogies) we're little children who turned away from "food" because we ate something that bothered us and just need the right magic healing cock denomination to heal us of our doubts and hurts:

 

http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/otd-obsessed-with-tornadoes-disorder

[MrsRoper]

Oh, shondala, bo ki lu sha po po, shi na lu lee

[Thought2Much]

Oh, shondala, bo ki lu sha po po, shi na lu lee

 

A hooraba shondala kai. A kindala hooraba shabada kee!

[MrsRoper]

Oh, shondala, bo ki lu sha po po, shi na lu lee

 

A hooraba shondala kai. A kindala hooraba shabada kee!

 

It's a good thing I have the gift of interpretation.

[Akheia]

I do too. Ahem:

 

"It's all an act put on by attention-starved drama-queens. Go home and catch up on your gardening."

[London]

Oh, shondala, bo ki lu sha po po, shi na lu lee

 

A hooraba shondala kai. A kindala hooraba shabada kee!

 

Internet flirting... it happens.

[expat674]

My pet peeve as of late has been the oft-used rhetoric of my tradition: "the devil has hardened your heart" (no, reading has opened my mind) and "you have become a slave to the world" (what does that even mean!?)

 

I got the "satan has hardened your heart" line a lot last year.

I think the "slave to the world" line is just their way as saying that you have become a "normal" human being. By normal, I mean someone who gets to live their life without some clown in a suit telling them what to do and think.

[Zephie]

"being covered by the hand of God"

[Chikirin]

The "gift" of celibacy. Gift, my ass!

 

I apologize if someone mentioned this already.

 

This ^ was one of the many reasons I left the faith. It's a condescneding way to talk to singles and assume they are worthless unless they are married. It's total bullshit and really pisses me off.

 

 

yes, I felt like I was going insane trying to be a good single Christian. Praying, confessing, foregoing relationships with unbeleivers, and then on top of all that, being ignored by the church. Like, having to listen to sermons like "Jesus's Attitude to Divorce" or "How to be a good Dad/Husband"

 

how insulting to those who aren't even married, it would just rub salt in my wounds

[Zephie]

The "gift" of celibacy. Gift, my ass!

 

I apologize if someone mentioned this already.

 

This ^ was one of the many reasons I left the faith. It's a condescneding way to talk to singles and assume they are worthless unless they are married. It's total bullshit and really pisses me off.

 

 

yes, I felt like I was going insane trying to be a good single Christian. Praying, confessing, foregoing relationships with unbeleivers, and then on top of all that, being ignored by the church. Like, having to listen to sermons like "Jesus's Attitude to Divorce" or "How to be a good Dad/Husband"

 

how insulting to those who aren't even married, it would just rub salt in my wounds

 

I heartily concur. A good girlfriend of mine is going through the same shit. There is an amazing man that she could date but won't because he is an atheist. She's got no problems doing other things...well she gets a guilt complex but given the fact that she's still stuck in church I don't blame her for that. Last night she was like, I'm a virgin and want to have sex. I was like you're human. You are supposed to be having sex. No comments after that.

[Thought2Much]

yes, I felt like I was going insane trying to be a good single Christian. Praying, confessing, foregoing relationships with unbeleivers, and then on top of all that, being ignored by the church. Like, having to listen to sermons like "Jesus's Attitude to Divorce" or "How to be a good Dad/Husband"

 

how insulting to those who aren't even married, it would just rub salt in my wounds

 

At every church I went to, it seemed like the pastors were always praying for families. "Lord, heal these marriages." "Quick! Get the children from Sunday School out to the altar so we can pray for the families!" "I feel led to pray for families today." "Satan is attacking families." "I believe the Lord wants us to pray for all of the families here in our church."

 

No pastor ever prayed for the singles at any church I went to. Not. Even. Once. It's like we didn't even fucking exist.

 

I called out one of my pastors about it once. His lame-ass excuse was something along the lines of, "Well, since singles aren't hindered by having a spouse or a family to take care of, that leaves them more free to pray for others."

 

Yeah. Sure. Whatever.

[Positivist]

No pastor ever prayed for the singles at any church I went to. Not. Even. Once. It's like we didn't even fucking exist.

Ugh, so true! No wonder "partnered" is the norm; single should be. I really feel for Christian singles still waiting on a miracle.

[Akheia]

They prayed for singles at my church, but it was prayers that God would give them partners.

 

Single definitely wasn't something people liked to see in ministry where I was. There was one evangelist everybody in my denomination simply adored; he was single. Also he was tall, graceful, impeccably groomed, lanky, educated, well-spoken, and almost certainly gayer than a strawberry parade down Main Street (anybody who hung out with a United Pentecostal Church group probably recognizes him just by that description). Everybody thought it was just soooo cool how he never flirted up any of the women who constantly swarmed around him! He was tolerated because he was oh-so-clearly not macking up the women in his spare time.

 

In Mormonland, where I live now, single status has cost people promotions at some workplaces; the fear is that single guys might hit on the female workers, apparently. Because men are beasts who simply can't control their baser urges, you know.

[Zephie]

No pastor ever prayed for the singles at any church I went to. Not. Even. Once. It's like we didn't even fucking exist.

Ugh, so true! No wonder "partnered" is the norm; single should be. I really feel for Christian singles still waiting on a miracle.

 

Man, it kills me that I have so many "friends" at church who are waiting on their miracle. I say "friends" because outside of church they don't acknowledge my existence nor I theres. Well actually it's like that in church. Odd woman out you could say.

They prayed for singles at my church, but it was prayers that God would give them partners.

 

 

Because men are beasts who simply can't control their baser urges, you know.

 

They did that at a church I went to as well. It was quite sad that over half the people who went up were women.

 

Also...baser urges can be quite fun with the right partner if you know what I mean...

[LivingLife]

While we're at it, guess what I saw on a fundy site?

 

"The Lord wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts."

 

Anyway, "spiritual fruit" may as well be a new term for "religious nut". I mean, what's the difference?

 

All nuts start out as fruit...

[stryper]

I posted a thread on it awhile ago.

 

http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/49827-youll-come-back/page__fromsearch__1

 

Basically, once your out....the absolute conviction by all christian's that "you'll come back".

[Thought2Much]

Margee wishing "good luck" to TotalWreck for a job interview reminded me of one bit of Christianese:

 

"Don't wish anyone 'good luck,' since 'luck' and 'lucky' are derived from the word 'lucifer.' Instead, be sure to wish someone 'God's best.'"

 

And I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. <hurk>

[lunaticheathen]

Margee wishing "good luck" to TotalWreck for a job interview reminded me of one bit of Christianese:

 

"Don't wish anyone 'good luck,' since 'luck' and 'lucky' are derived from the word 'lucifer.' Instead, be sure to wish someone 'God's best.'"

 

And I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. <hurk>

 

Oh my fucking blazing gods, that is not the least bit true. Christians who lie about etymology and history and ancient civilizations make me want to rip my eyes out.

 

Those two words are not in the least bit related. They're from two different language families, even. Jupiter's Cock, fundies are retarded.

[stryper]

..... Jupiter's Cock, fundies are retarded.

 

Been watching a bit of Spartacus: Blood and Sand have we..

[GardenerGal]

(actual conversation)

 

Me: How are you?

Person: Good. I mean, 'well'! I am not good, only God is good! How are you?

Me: Uhhh...

[Chikirin]

(actual conversation)

 

Me: How are you?

Person: Good. I mean, 'well'! I am not good, only God is good! How are you?

Me: Uhhh...

 

ha ha. i bet this is the same kind of person who spells God as "G_d"

[Will02]

 

 

I heartily concur. A good girlfriend of mine is going through the same shit. There is an amazing man that she could date but won't because he is an atheist. She's got no problems doing other things...well she gets a guilt complex but given the fact that she's still stuck in church I don't blame her for that. Last night she was like, I'm a virgin and want to have sex. I was like you're human. You are supposed to be having sex. No comments after that.

 

A similar situation happened to me. For several years, I was going to this church that met in a hotel. I was in my early 20s at this time. At the start, there were several single guys there about my age, give or take a few years. One by one they met people and started dating. Meanwhile, I was perpetually single. They brought their girlfriends with them and I had to sit there with couples in front of me every fucking sunday. Then they got married, one by one. I was still single. I took to sitting in front so I wouldn't have to see that. It really hurt like hell and I was miserable. I felt like the world had forgotten about me. However, not even once did any of them seem to notice or offer to help me meet anyone. Hell, they never even talked to me outside of church. The pastor kept saying that god brings people together, so for a long time I was wondering why didn't I have anyone? What was I doing wrong? (I have better friends now and they did help me with this, but again, that's a different story)

 

Meanwhile, I was doing everything I could on my own to fix this problem. I started dating online and found someone. (actually she found me) She wasn't a christian but I kept that to myself. At that point I didn't much care about that and I was happy just to have someone. I was actually happy for awhile. We went out and all was fine until my mom found out about it. I didn't reveal too much but mom twisted my arm enough to make me admit that she wasn't a christian. (being a good xian at the time, it didn't occur to me to lie) She forced me to break it off. I didn't want to do it but I was forced to because mom threatened to kick me out of the house and I had nowhere else to go. (I was a broke college student with no job or else I would have walked out right then and there) The girl took it really hard and to this day (6 years later) I feel really bad about it. Even though I didn't want to do it, I still feel guilty about it because she didn't deserve that. I feel like it's one of the worst things I ever did and I can't forgive myself even though I was coerced into it. However, this is when the first cracks started to appear in my faith and the whole thing came crashing down a few years later.

[Exevolt]

Anything Christianese.

[Akheia]

Will02, that must have been so awful to go through Did you ever talk to the girl again to make things right between you two?

 

Lunaticheathen--that drives me crazy too. And the weird "reason for the season" crap that circulates every holiday season, as if Christians created Christmas out of whole cloth.