Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[marmot]

 

 

Kelly:

close enough. . . to hear God breathe ♥

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    Anne: Mmmm...that sounds wonderful. I read Jeremiah tonight and heard God's anguish and frustration. Made me want to get so low and small and repentful--in a good way.
    

 

Excuse me while I go puke over here.

[Akheia]

Almost everybody I know personally here is a Mormon or some other flavor of deeply, intensely, evangelical Christian. Most of them are, personally, very nice people; most of them I know through my old job, and my old job was voted one of the most tolerant places in my entire state to be. In person, I love them. But get them on FB, and they turn into doubt-seeking glurge missiles. Between them and my chain-mail-addicted Catholic family, I've decided it's best I just stay off FB. I'm scared I'll start hating everybody I care about.

[Thought2Much]

Today's bit of brilliance comes from someone quoting Corrie Ten Boom:

 

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer."

 

Yes, because going through a tunnel on a train is exactly like going through extended pain and suffering in life.

 

Oh, wait, it's not actually anything like that at all. In fact, it's an absolutely fucking stupid thing to say, and I actually feel just a little dumber for having read it. In fact, I think this qualifies as an "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college" moment.

[Akheia]

I'm not too proud to say I had to Google that.

 

But where would modern Christianity be without fake aphorisms and non-equivalent metaphors?

[Thought2Much]

Akheia, it's not a reference that I expect everyone would get without searching unless they're already a fan of Lewis Black.

 

 

So, I guess my response to the apparently none-too-bright Corrie Ten Boom would be:

 

Well, bless your heart. If you're on a train that has derailed and fallen on its side, and in the crash you have sustained a broken wrist, a broken nose, and at least one broken or bruised rib, and you see and smell smoke in the cabin, are you still going to just sit tight and trust your engineer? Or are you going to get the hell off of that train as fast as you can?

[JoeCoastie]

One posted a link to this story "Richard Dawkins: I can't be sure God does not exist" With the comment "Romans 14:11 For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.

Give me a friggin' break. Its not like Dawkins is a Christian now.

[Suzy]

One posted a link to this story "Richard Dawkins: I can't be sure God does not exist" With the comment "Romans 14:11 For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.

Give me a friggin' break. Its not like Dawkins is a Christian now.

 

*Sigh*. It was predictable that Christians will try to twist what Dawkins said.

[midniterider]

Exactly, you both make a good point. The xians have stolen everything. 'cause ya know, "with god anything is possible."

 

Hahahaha completely ignorning the whole "thou shalt not steal thing"

 

And I believe they stole most of the commandments from Egypt. But I can't verify the "thou shalt not steal", as being stolen.

 

It would be awesome if that were ever proven true

 

so the guy who posted the above thing about gay marriage: it ended up a huge shitfight, with some of his fundy friends calling me hateful (ironic considering the OP). i conceded that i was indeed getting too angry so i explained that i was going to de-friend this person (whom i've worked with and known personally), but only on facebook. i actually invited him to come round for a coffee anytime if he wanted (haven't heard anything from him yet). i know he won't anyway, which is fine. i then explained that i was alarmed at the anger it was causing within myself to constantly see his intolerant rantings popping up in front of me, and because i wanted to focus on being positive and moving away from negativity and conflict, i needed to de-friend him. i realize that although these kind of online arguments are tempting to get involved in and they can be a great way to vent, they really don't serve any purpose and only add to feelings of resentment.

 

I just blocked a fundy recently. Still friends but I dont have to read her crap.

[midniterider]

 

 

Kelly:

close enough. . . to hear God breathe ♥

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    Anne: Mmmm...that sounds wonderful. I read Jeremiah tonight and heard God's anguish and frustration. Made me want to get so low and small and repentful--in a good way.
    

 

Excuse me while I go puke over here.

 

They wanted to 'get small' ? Isnt that a drug reference?

Today's bit of brilliance comes from someone quoting Corrie Ten Boom:

 

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer."

 

Yes, because going through a tunnel on a train is exactly like going through extended pain and suffering in life.

 

Oh, wait, it's not actually anything like that at all. In fact, it's an absolutely fucking stupid thing to say, and I actually feel just a little dumber for having read it. In fact, I think this qualifies as an "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college" moment.

 

Tunnels aren't scary. They are fun as hell! Unless you are claustrophobic. But tunnels are usually pretty short, unlike extended pain and suffering which drags out for a long time.

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/glasgow_and_west/8528842.stm bahahahaha.

[scitsofreaky]

A cousin posted this:

Ok so this might upset some people but Im tired of hearing about how gay marriage needs to be legal. Just think about it, if it was o.k. to be to gay why can't gay couples have biological children with each together without adopting or a surrogate. That's right be cause it not natural. The human population wouldn't have survived the first generation if homosexuality was the choice that every body made. And this "I was born that way" is false. Im not against people making choices in their life style but I am against those who choose to live that life to be legally married. Its a choice and there is nothing anyone can say that will change my mind. If they can voice there opinion so can I.

We have two homosexual cousins, so the shit-storm was fun to watch. I did jump into the "discussion," but I tried to focus on the legality of same-sex marriage and the absurdity of his beliefs denying rights to people. Of course nothing was really accomplished, but family get-togethers should be interesting now. I wonder if he will still show...

[JoeCoastie]

A cousin posted this:

Ok so this might upset some people but Im tired of hearing about how gay marriage needs to be legal. Just think about it, if it was o.k. to be to gay why can't gay couples have biological children with each together without adopting or a surrogate. That's right be cause it not natural. The human population wouldn't have survived the first generation if homosexuality was the choice that every body made. And this "I was born that way" is false. Im not against people making choices in their life style but I am against those who choose to live that life to be legally married. Its a choice and there is nothing anyone can say that will change my mind. If they can voice there opinion so can I.

We have two homosexual cousins, so the shit-storm was fun to watch. I did jump into the "discussion," but I tried to focus on the legality of same-sex marriage and the absurdity of his beliefs denying rights to people. Of course nothing was really accomplished, but family get-togethers should be interesting now. I wonder if he will still show...

I hate when people use procreation as reason against homosexuality. 1. There's 7 billion of us, gays aren't going to make us go extinct. 2. Okay, give up your birth control, masturbation, and oral sex, because apparently procreation is the only reason to ever have sex.

[owen652]

saw this one today. way to dumb down cosmology.

 

[marmot]

saw this one today. way to dumb down cosmology.

 

This is the kind of thing that really gets me worked up.

 

I once worked at a church camp, and some students had a legitimate question about Christianity and evolution. I tried to explain that there was a lot of good evidence for evolution, and us Christians should not be afraid of it.

 

My camp director hears this, and tells his own story:

 

One day the turtles were all sitting around talking. They were tired of getting eaten by sharks and wolves and other predators. One of them said, "hey, you know what would be really useful? Shells." So they evolved shells. Sounds plausible, right?

 

All the kids laughed, and agreed that evolution sounded stupid. I felt trapped because there was no way for me to argue about this with my boss in front of a bunch of 7th/8th graders. So much more nuanced of a discussion than what was given.

 

This was one of the experiences that started me down the path towards atheism.

[owen652]

THE SHIT JUST KEEPS POURING IN

 

 

 

 

 

NASA & THE BIBLE Thought this was pretty amazing and interesting! For all the scientists out there, and for all the students who have a hard time convincing these people regarding the truth of the Bible, here's something that shows God's awesome creation, and that He is still in control. Did you know that the space ...program is busy proving that what has been called 'myth' in the Bible is true? Mr. Harold Hill, President of the Curtis Engine Company in Baltimore, Maryland, and a consultant in the space program, relates the following development. 'I think one of the most amazing things that God has done for us today happened recently to our astronauts and space scientists at Green Belt, Maryland. They were checking out where the positions of the sun, moon, and planets would be 100 years and 1,000 years from now. We have to know this so we won't send up a satellite and have it bump into something later on in its orbits. We have to lay out the orbits in terms of the life of the satellite and where the planets will be so the whole thing will not bog down. They ran the computer measurement back and forth over the centuries, and it came to a halt. The computer stopped and put up a red signal, which meant that there was something wrong with either the information fed into it or with the results as compared to the standards. They called in the service department to check it out, and they said, 'What's wrong?' Well, they found there is a day missing in space in elapsed time. They scratched their heads and tore their hair out. There was no answer. Finally a Christian man on the team said, 'You know, one time I was in Sunday School, and they talked about the sun standing still.' While they didn't believe him, they didn't have an answer either, so they said, 'Show us, ' He got a Bible and went to the book of Joshua where they found a pretty ridiculous statement for any one with 'common sense.' There they found the Lord saying to Joshua, 'Fear them not, I have delivered them into thy hand; there shall not a man of them stand before Thee.' Joshua was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy! And if darkness fell, they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand still! That's right.... 'The sun stood still and the moon stayed and lasted not to go down about a whole day!' (Joshua 10:12-13) The astronauts and scientists said, there is the missing day! They checked the computers going back into the time it was written and found it was close but not close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back in Joshua's day was 23 hours and 20 minutes. Not a whole day. They read the Bible, and there it was about [approximately] a day. These little words in the Bible are important, but they were still in trouble because if you cannot account for 40 minutes, you'll still be in trouble 1000 years from now. Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits. As the Christian employee thought about it, he remembered somewhere in the Bible where it said the sun went BACKWARDS. The scientists told him he was out of his mind, but they got out the Book and read these words in 2 Kings that told of the following story: Hezekiah, on his death bed, was visited by the prophet Isaiah who told him that he was not going to die. Hezekiah asked for a sign as proof. Isaiah said 'Do you want the sun to go ahead 10 degrees?' Hezekiah said, 'It is nothing for the sun to go ahead 10 degrees, but let the shadow return backward 10 degrees.' Isaiah spoke to the Lord, and the Lord brought the shadow ten degrees BACKWARD! Ten degrees is exactly 40 minutes!' Twenty-three hours and 20 minutes in Joshua, plus 40 minutes in Second Kings make the missing day in the universe! Isn't it amazing? References: Joshua 10:8, 12-13 and 2 Kings 20:9-11. Forward this to as many people who you believe would think this is equally as cool. If God could do this then; how much more can he do for us today, if we only believe in His word. Never be afraid to try something new. All I have and all that I am is by the Grace of God!See More

[owen652]

^^^^ a ten second google search revealed that this urban legend first turned up in 1970! even Answers in Genesis has disavowed it. and here it is, forty years later, strengthening the faith of morons everywhere.

[Deva]

Owen, I lived in Maryland. The town is called Greenbelt, Maryland. NOT Green Belt. Its all downhill from there.

[Wings]

I just saw a comic on a friend's wall. Can't upload it.

 

It says:

 

If you are a loving and merciful God, WHY didn't you send someone to cure cancer, or true leaders to govern US? What's your problem GOD?

 

Voice from above: I DID!!! You ABORTED Them.

 

 

Way to mess with people's minds.

 

Just last week I saw a friend post this picture and I commented that maybe god should not send people to cure cancer, he just shouldn't give people cancer. My friend ranted something unintelligble to the fact that we are slaves to sin and bla bla expect too much and I commented back that I've never felt more free since after I realized that god isn't real.

Beware the new facebook timeline, everybody.

This friend is not friends with any of my other friends/family... and I was a closet atheist.... until this picture and my comment showed up on EVERYONE elses' walls.

I'm still dealing with the blowout after-effects of the big "outing"... including the hypocrisy fundies show in madly posting all their praise jesus baloney (I think to influence me?), although they are horribly offended by me stating my disbelief.

Glad to be joining your ranks! Fucking facebook fundy rants drive me CRAZY!

[Positivist]

^^^^ a ten second google search revealed that this urban legend first turned up in 1970! even Answers in Genesis has disavowed it. and here it is, forty years later, strengthening the faith of morons everywhere.

Good catch!

[mcdaddy]

From an old buddy on FB...

"Joshua 1:9

Haven't I commanded you, be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

 

 

So I post: Judges 1:19.

 

His response??

 

"I'm so glad he is with me as he was Judah."

 

epic double near-suicidal facepalm.

 

almost reposted something about not to be afraid as long as you dont call a prophet a baldy head, or have the misfortune to live in a rival village , but im gonna leave it alone. trying to be on decent behavior.

[owen652]

i'm about to be embroiled in another one, i can see. i know i shouldn't bite, but it's so hard not to.

[mcdaddy]

saw this one today. way to dumb down cosmology.

 

Yeah, that doesnt mischaracterize it AT ALL. *facepalm*

[Thought2Much]

I really, really wanted to respond to this one or "Like" Rational Dude's comments:

 

It's a sad, sad world when someone's child is shot at school and it isn't the top story going around on FB.

 

Christian One

The truly SAD story IS that kids are being killed in School!, and we are doing nothing to bring Praying in School back! THAT should be the top story every day!

 

Rational Dude

Do you folks even read what you post? Did the person who regularly posts mindless and inane "2nd amendment" propaganda actually complain about the collateral damage of a careless interpretation of that principle? If you post stuff saying that it is better to shoot people who don't agree with you because you don't want to hear their inferior point of view, then don't you have to accept this as part of the price?

 

And the praying thing is such delightful icing on that hypocrisy cake. Yes, if only a teacher could have compelled the students to pray while they were being shot, the outcome would have been so much better.

 

Christian Two

After reading all this, the first thing that pops into my mind. Teacher "Students, I'm going to find out what's going on. If get back and find out you've been praying while I'm gone, you'll be expelled."

 

Rational Dude

Which shows how little you understand about how the law surrounding prayer in public school has been interpreted. It is not forbidden for students to pray, and it never has been. Teachers may not force or compel students to pray, but students may pray on their own, if they desire.

 

If you want your children to pray in school, tell them to do it. If they don't do it on their own, obviously it is because you are a bad parent, and your god is weak.

 

Christian Two

I'm no parent, also, the issue with prayer in school was only just beginning when I was a senior in high school. Much has changed since then. I agree, I really don't know much about the laws concerning it. Haven't had to, doesn't effect me currently on either side.

 

All Caps Lady

I ask what prayer has to do with this? This is about a boy who was BULLIED and finally couldn't handle it! This is about how schools continue to not STOP THE BULLIES BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SUSPEND OVER 200 STUDENTS WHEN YOU CAN GET RID OF THE ONE BEING BULLIED!

 

Christian Three

WHen oray [prayer] was in the schools, so was God. WHen you take God out you have everyone doing what is right in their own eyes.

[Akheia]

FB brings out the bumper-sticker Christians.

[Thought2Much]

I love how people think we kicked poor little God out of the schools, and now he's just standing outside with his little backpack, crying inconsolably. "Boo-hoo! They made me leave, and now I can't stop school shootings from happening! Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!"

 

Gimme a break.

[Akheia]

I think the fundies are saying it's more a case of students have no respect for others anymore because we don't indoctrinate them. Because Christians never commit crimes, you see. Public prayer is the only thing holding students back from shooting everyone. Violence in schools has nothing to do with increasingly polarized bullying and intolerance, which students pick up at home and in the media; oh no, it's all because students can no longer be compelled to rote-recite a canned 45-second sectarian prayer at the beginning of the school day.

 

In essence it reminds me of the flap over heavy metal music in the 80s.