Hunter93 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Share Posted July 4, 2013 My counselor called OCD the "uncertainty disease". And with what I'm going through, I believe that. The fear feels SO real. And I'm still trying to figure out if my mind was playing tricks on me earlier with the voice thing from earlier. Ugh, I hope I don't have another illness alongside OCD/Scrupulosity. It could also be my new medication causing me to hallucinate. No, this didn't happen when the thoughts and fear first started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Well, I didn't pray at first but it got so bad. Praying/believing is what helping me cope. Though, my last post did have a flaw: One could argue that Satan is simply trying to draw people away. But, shouldn't even the slightest hint of prayer be a deterrent? It also brings up this though: Who, no matter how prideful or arrogant, would even TRY to rebel against an all-powerful God? And I know that Lucifer is NOT Satan as well. So, who exactly is Satan? And why is there so much confusion surrounding this? Be sure your psychologist knows that you heard a voice and anything else odd. You should not hesitate to do anything that gives you peace of mind. If praying or reading psalms or whatever helps, then you shouldn't hesitate to do those things. If you are not sleeping enough then take some sleeping pills. Also your psychologist can prescribe better medicine for anxiety or sleep that might help. Also exercise might help if you feel up to it. I don't know much aboue the different versions of Satan, but ideally you should try to think about other things. Maybe watch something funny on TV to get your mind off it. That's my advice for what it's worth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Share Posted July 4, 2013 I think I had an auditory hallucination. I don't know how, but that what it seems like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bhim Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Though, my last post did have a flaw: One could argue that Satan is simply trying to draw people away. But, shouldn't even the slightest hint of prayer be a deterrent? It also brings up this though: Who, no matter how prideful or arrogant, would even TRY to rebel against an all-powerful God? Well yes, your logic is sound here. This is why evangelicals like to say that "Satan's greatest achievement is convincing the world he doesn't exist." If there really were a Satan who wanted to cause people to not believe in Jesus so that they go to eternal hell along with him, then his best bet is to a.) convince people to believe in another religion or b.) convince people there is no God. Method a.) is why evangelicals call us Hindus Satan worshipers and whatever else. Method b.) covers atheism. In either case, it makes no sense for this hypothetical figure to say, "I'm the antagonist of the Bible, who leads people to eternal hell, and you should believe in me." Which should cause you to rest assured that these hallucinations you're hearing/seeing have no basis in fact. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstar Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Get thee to a psychiatrist... sorry, I know you are in therapy, just wanted to say that. You'll be fine, follow your therapists' suggestions, distract yourself with non-religious things (a hobby?) remember that this will pass. Take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Share Posted July 4, 2013 Get thee to a psychiatrist... sorry, I know you are in therapy, just wanted to say that. You'll be fine, follow your therapists' suggestions, distract yourself with non-religious things (a hobby?) remember that this will pass. Take care of yourself. It isn't easy when the original intrusive thought came while thinking about a hobby. But then again, I had another intrusive thought regarding food. But, I do find it weird that some Christians will defend the existence of Satan, this super evil being, to such an extent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstar Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 I think it's because they can't face the dark side of themselves (and other humans) and have to project their own psychology onto a fictional supernatural being. freaky huh? that's my theory on that. A therapist once told me that what one fears.. and runs from, instead of facing and dealing with - grows in the mind until it's out of proportion to reality. With the right support and knowledge we can deal with our fears.. as we do they become smaller and less scary until they no longer have any hold over us. smart woman. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 It's strange how people think there's this literal evil being when the OT seems to not even mention this being. I can't say I believe Satan is a literal being nor I can't say Satan is not a literal being though. What I can say, however, is that things aren't adding up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 It's strange how people think there's this literal evil being when the OT seems to not even mention this being. I can't say I believe Satan is a literal being nor I can't say Satan is not a literal being though. What I can say, however, is that things aren't adding up. That's how you know it is nonsense - things don't add up. You can try this explanation or that explanation, but nothing works. If it's true then it needs to make sense. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 I haven't had any more "voices" since Wedensday but I'm still trying to figure out what it was. I want to believe it was just an auditory hallucination but.... It's strange how people think there's this literal evil being when the OT seems to not even mention this being. I can't say I believe Satan is a literal being nor I can't say Satan is not a literal being though. What I can say, however, is that things aren't adding up. That's how you know it is nonsense - things don't add up. You can try this explanation or that explanation, but nothing works. If it's true then it needs to make sense. I need to study the Bible for myself as well. I didn't read most of the OT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 I haven't had any more "voices" since Wedensday but I'm still trying to figure out what it was. I want to believe it was just an auditory hallucination but.... ... If you have any more experiences that might be hallucinations, then you probably ought to let your psychiatrist know right away. Maybe they can change your medication a little bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolaida Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I haven't had any more "voices" since Wedensday but I'm still trying to figure out what it was. I want to believe it was just an auditory hallucination but.... It's strange how people think there's this literal evil being when the OT seems to not even mention this being. I can't say I believe Satan is a literal being nor I can't say Satan is not a literal being though. What I can say, however, is that things aren't adding up. That's how you know it is nonsense - things don't add up. You can try this explanation or that explanation, but nothing works. If it's true then it needs to make sense. I need to study the Bible for myself as well. I didn't read most of the OT. You should bring up the hallucination thing with the counselor and let us know about it. Your mind can definitely be your worst enemy. Talk about your meds and mention the voice and that it has only been a one time thing so far. I have actually heard my name being called before (quite a few times), but I usually shrug it off (I've actually gone up to people and asked what they needed and been super embarrassed when I realized they never actually called for me). I just always assumed it was something wrong with how my brain was processing my hearing or something (I seem to have really weird hearing issues). At one point, though, it did used to really bother/scare me (moreso, when I was very religious, obviously, lol). Keep in mind, too, that you are under a LOT of stress and anxiety right now and taking new medications. People with anxiety disorders tend to be more sensitive to the going-ons around them and auditory illusions are not such an uncommon thing. http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=76600&page=2 for reference and maybe a little peace of mind. edit: I obviously don't know what you heard, but this is an example of auditory illusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Share Posted July 6, 2013 It seems the OCD fears and thoughts have also become dreams. A dream anyway. Last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolaida Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 It seems the OCD fears and thoughts have also become dreams. A dream anyway. Last night. Yeah, that'll happen. I have had quite a few disturbing dreams. Most were either relating to religion or bugs or disease. But, yeah, it sucks. It gets hard to sleep when you don't have a handle on it. Also, mention it to your therapist. A lot of it just has to do with how much you're thinking about it/worrying about it and how our minds work. Once you understand it more, it gets easier to handle, but it's definitely a slow and difficult process, but not impossible! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gseeker Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 I already sold my soul to the devil, after all, I was a worshiper of a genocidal, enslaving, rape promoting, child killing god for 13 years As an atheist i am now too moral to consider saleing out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gseeker Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 I already sold my soul to the devil, after all, I was a worshiper of a genocidal, enslaving, rape promoting, child killing god for 13 years As an atheist i am now too moral to consider saleing out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Share Posted July 7, 2013 I haven't had any more "voices" since Wedensday but I'm still trying to figure out what it was. I want to believe it was just an auditory hallucination but.... It's strange how people think there's this literal evil being when the OT seems to not even mention this being. I can't say I believe Satan is a literal being nor I can't say Satan is not a literal being though. What I can say, however, is that things aren't adding up. That's how you know it is nonsense - things don't add up. You can try this explanation or that explanation, but nothing works. If it's true then it needs to make sense. I need to study the Bible for myself as well. I didn't read most of the OT. You should bring up the hallucination thing with the counselor and let us know about it. Your mind can definitely be your worst enemy. Talk about your meds and mention the voice and that it has only been a one time thing so far. I have actually heard my name being called before (quite a few times), but I usually shrug it off (I've actually gone up to people and asked what they needed and been super embarrassed when I realized they never actually called for me). I just always assumed it was something wrong with how my brain was processing my hearing or something (I seem to have really weird hearing issues). At one point, though, it did used to really bother/scare me (moreso, when I was very religious, obviously, lol). Keep in mind, too, that you are under a LOT of stress and anxiety right now and taking new medications. People with anxiety disorders tend to be more sensitive to the going-ons around them and auditory illusions are not such an uncommon thing. http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=76600&page=2 for reference and maybe a little peace of mind. edit: I obviously don't know what you heard, but this is an example of auditory illusion. It happened again but this time, it was a voice in my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Share Posted July 7, 2013 And I'm getting WORSE. I have to stop doing a certain hobby of mine for a while because of the fear "I sold my soul". My mom said she'll keep it away from me for a while(as in the most recent things I bought). It feels like nothing is worth it anymore. So yeah, I don't know which came first: OCD, Anxiety, or Depression but it's taking it's toll. I've read that increased anxiety does happen during treatment but you know, other fears include "What if I really did sell my soul and I'm doomed', "What if Satan really is real", All because of TWO thoughts that would otherwise be meaningless. Wonderful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 And I'm getting WORSE. I have to stop doing a certain hobby of mine for a while because of the fear "I sold my soul". I'm also scared if I don't throw X away, I'll die soon but yet, I can't bring myself to do it so my mom said she'll keep it away from me for a while. It feels like nothing is worth it anymore. So yeah, I don't know which came first: OCD, Anxiety, or Depression but it's taking it's toll. I've read that increased anxiety does happen during treatment but you know, other fears include "What if I really did sell my soul and I'm doomed', "What if Satan really is real", All because of TWO thoughts that would otherwise be meaningless. Wonderful When is your next psychiatric appointment? You might want to let your psychiatrist know how you feel - especially if the appointment is not that soon. Then he/she can decide if this is normal or if you need a different medication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Share Posted July 7, 2013 I believe my next appointment is Wednesday morning. I have my counselor appointment in the afternoon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 My mind is playing tricks on me again it seems because I thought I heard "Satan" speaking to me today. I forgot to mention what really spooked me about this. I given my state, I said something along the lines of "Satan, in the name of Jesus Christ, leave" and the voice seemingly stopped. What this "voice" said just added to my fear too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 My mind is playing tricks on me again it seems because I thought I heard "Satan" speaking to me today.I forgot to mention what really spooked me about this. I given my state, I said something along the lines of "Satan, in the name of Jesus Christ, leave" and the voice seemingly stopped. What this "voice" said just added to my fear too. When I was having problems like that, I tried to ignore things rather than running around with the name of Jesus like a game of whack a mole. This came naturally to me, because it's how I handled bullies in school. Bullies couldn't get me to respond, so they would get tired of harassing me. So when scary or weird things happened I just ignored them. Also from a psychological standpoint, it's probably better to ignore these things. If you respond to them, then you are making them more real in your mind. You should definitely write down some issues like this and tell your counselor - even if it's embarrassing. Anyway, that's my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 I already told my counselor about the voices. EDIT: Ugh, it's even getting hard to talk about this because even though I really have OCD/Scrupulosity, Anxiety, and Depression, I fear that I'm only doing this for attention or someone will think that and it'll come back to haunt me(I fear even mentioning that). Actually, I fear having bad thoughts and "rebuking the devil" will also come back to haunt me. That's a big fear trigger for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 I was reading about scrupulosity here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrupulosity How long have you had this problem, and what treatments have you tried? Do you find it is worse or better when you are practicing religion? Maybe some of the repetitive rituals would give you a socially acceptable outlet for your worries? (Like Catholics recite the rosary prayers, etc.) EDIT: Apparently ERP is often the treatment (exposure - response preventiion "where the patient directly confronts the subject of their fear without performing protective rituals"). So maybe repetitive rituals would be harmful. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/triggered/201211/struggling-scrupulosity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 Scrupulosity I don't know. OCD I probably had it for a while. I regret not noticing it earlier because then I might have avoided this. The biggest fear is still I have little time left. "Rebuking the devil" actually makes it worse but I've running around in circles to where even if it I KNOW it makes it worse, I still have to say it. Like I said, I fear those words WILL come back to haunt me. Basically, it's a feeling of doom. No matter what I do, I feel like I'm doomed. My mom tells me "it's not going to happen" with me responding with "what if it's true" or "how do you know". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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