You Know You're A Fundy When ...... (fill In The Blank)

[AKR]

holy shit, when i read the 666th post, my eyes crossed and i filled my pants with bloody diarrhea. did this happen to anyone else?

[AKR]

you think shaking a disassembled clock in a bag is equal to the big bang.

 

you swear your bible is perfect and complete, yet, don't even know it has fewer books than a catholic bible.

 

you scoff at evolution, but haven't picked up one single piece of unbiased (IE not christian-pseudo scientific), relevant educational information on it, and think evolution means we came from monkeys.

 

rather than accept the possibility that your son has actually somewhat won over your relatives by being responsible and hard working, you'd rather give credit to jesus. jesus fucking does everything.

 

you think every movie involving demons are evil...unless they were made by christians.

 

you would never allow your children to watch alice in wonderland, ET, wizard of oz, and a hundred other movies, because they are all somehow evil.

 

any music that sounds angry or passionate must be evil, but let's not actually listen to the lyrics and see what they're actually saying or meaning.

 

 

anything "supernatural" that you can't account for is just "demons tricking people."

 

you think america is special and chose by god

 

you're in your fucking 50's, all your kids are adults, but you have one of those swear filters on your tv.

 

 

"atheist" is a four letter word.

 

you never allowed your kids to play any card games because they can be used for gambling or magic tricks-both of which are evil.

 

you think pulling a rabbit out of a hat is not sleight of hand, but the devil's work. i mean, seriously, who the fuck pulls a rabbit out of a hat without help from satan?

 

vote republican because they all pretend to be godly and all about family values, even though they've been busted time and time again for naughty things. you don't know anything about republican candidates except that they're against abortion and gay marriage, and when asked why you didn't vote independent, you claim lack of information, and are flabbergasted when you find out the guy has a website.

 

you give your rubber stamp of approval to anyone or any organization claiming to be christian.

 

you boycott any business that doesn't discriminate against gays, or god forbid, actively supports them.

 

you freely admit that it's not a big deal to be a liar, but you would disown your kid if he was gay.

 

 

you try to be scientifically critical of anything that could prove your religion wrong, but provide absolutely no scientific evidence to back your claims, and fall back on faith.

 

 

you some how think the bible is so easy to understand that it leaves no room for excuse to not follow it....even though your church split in half because they couldn't agree on which version of the bible to use.

 

you call other people evil, even though you cheat on your taxes and speed all the time.

 

you homeschool your kids and then send them to a private christian school because you're afraid the evil public schools will teach them real science...which would lead to your children questioning your religion-not because real science makes it look stupid, but because satan has gotten a hold.

 

anytime an argument gets too complex for you, you defend your religion by simply saying, "god doesn't have to be logical. we can't comprehend him."

 

 

you think that because a satellite picture shows a black blob of something in a glacier, it must be noah's ark, and that must mean god is real.

 

 

you whine that santa and the easter bunny stole your holidays, and have no fucking clue as to the fact that christians stole both of those holidays from someone else.

 

you listen to praise music and other christian radio through out the day, and have never bought a "secular" cd in your life. oh, and you use the word "secular."

 

you think the word "fuck" means "to rape" and refuse to accept the true definition of the word.

 

you think that all people who do not share your religion are just faking it. they really believe, but they are all making up excuses so they don't have to follow god's laws...even when they are fine, upstanding citizens, who follow most of the same laws in the bible.

 

every time you see your mate' clothes on the ground, you piss yourself a little, and wonder if the rapture happened without you. (the only one i exaggerated on)

 

you write emails to your mom, telling her how you can save your brother and dad from demons, while you're taking animal tranquilizers.

 

you think people are evil for having sex on a beach, so you go knife their tires, and pretend to feel bad for doing so.

 

you refuse to get a divorce, even though you finally admit that you only married the son of a bitch because you were insecure.

 

when you see piercings you don't like, you say, "if god meant for you to have that, you would have been born with it," and yet, you wear clothes, glasses, and eat all sorts of unnatural things. when someone points this out, you leave in a huff, muttering something about respect.

 

you tell atheists to leave a forum section that is called "religion/politics" because you think non of it concerns them.

 

you think atheists hate god, despite the fact that we don't even believe in god.

 

you think the verses that say the animals and plants are for us to use means "kill everything in site, and shit all over the planet, as everything is an inferior toy for us to abuse."

 

you make sure your children know that the letters spelling "santa" can be rearrange to spell "satan."

 

 

in forums, you tell everyone you disagree with that they are going to hell, and when your ideas are challenged, you whine about how everyone's out to get you, even though you're the one on the offense. you also claim that you're not judging people, but "educating" them. then, you get banned, not because of your religion, but because you pretend to be christian, and then act like a fucking dick to everyone you disagree with.

 

under your username title in a forum, you have "humble servant," and yet, you're an arrogant, smug, condescending ass.

 

when someone points out how materialistic you are, you excuse it with "well, god wants us to be comfortable in this world."

 

you have no problem with missionaries invading villages to convert the natives, or with christian tv programs, or with leaving christian pamphlets in public, but the moment you see a gay person on tv that isn't being condemned, you scream that the media is forcing homosexuality on you.

 

you think spouting off bible verses to atheists will convince them of anything.

 

when renting to a family member you don't like, you make them sign a contract that says no girls will sleep over, because you don't want to promote sin. meanwhile, you rent to a random guy, who has gotten a divorce, had girlfriends move in, has BEATEN one of them severely, and continues to live with them. you see no contradictions.

 

you think your children need to make babies in order to "out breed" evil people.

 

i didn't want to bother number them, but i ended with 709.

[Open_Minded]

Congratulations JP .... you reached 666 ....

WOOT ... WOOT.....

 

 

-------------------------

And

 

AKR??????

 

Welcome on board - I see being the first one to read 666 didn't annihilate you from the face of the earth.

 

In fact it seems you were truly inspired to go on and took this thread all the way to 709. Wow - I'm impressed for a newbie.... You're going to fit right in.

 

So ... it seems .... we're going to continue on with our list. Hmmm ... let's see if I can come up with anything new...

______________________________________

 

You might be a fundy if.....

 

708. You actually spend time and energy trying to figure out who the anti-Christ is.

 

709. You suffer from hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia ---- it's real ---- look it up here.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia (literally, "fear of the number six-hundred-sixty-six") is the fear that originates in the Biblical verse Revelation 13:18 which indicates that the number 666 is the Number of the Beast, linked to Satan or the Anti-Christ. Outside the Christian faith, the phobia has been further popularized as a leitmotif in various horror films.

 

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobes will strongly avoid things related to the number 666. A prominent example is of Nancy and Ronald Wilson Reagan who, in 1989, when moving to their home in the Bel-Air section of Los Angeles, had the address of 666 St. Cloud Road changed to 668 St. Cloud Road.[1] Some women also expressed concern on giving birth to a child on 6/6/2006.[2]

 

Rarer is trying to avoid the number as it relates to other numbers. For example, the fraction 2/3 has a repeating decimal of .666…. A severe hexakosioihexekontahexaphobe may avoid all fractions that would include this recurring decimal. Those with hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia may consider it bad luck to get three sixes in a hand of poker, even though this is usually quite a good hand.

 

Many are afraid of the digits 666, rather than the quantitative number adding up to this amount.

 

---------------------

 

OOOPS .... I Goofed

 

my last two indicators should have been numbers.

710 and 711

 

sorry.

[white_raven23]

712. Someone very close to you is undergoing highly risky 14 hour nonstop surgery. When they survive, you praise god and thank god.....but not only do you not go thank the surgeon who stood there for 14 straight hours, you don't bother to know his/her name.

 

713. You rail against science but rush to the hospital for care when your appendix is about to burst.

[Toxic]

714. You firebombed an occult bookshop.

 

715. You protested outside an adult entertainment shop.

[Taphophilia]

716. You believe that when the Bible mentions "wine" it's really Grape Juice.

 

717. You have ever burned or destroyed books, tapes, CD's, and/or cassettes because they were "worldly" or "of the Devil."

 

718. You have ever sold a family heirloom and given the money to your church because you were "sowing a faith seed".

 

719. You believe that the gospels and the book of Acts were written by Jesus desciples and are eyewitness accounts.

 

720. You believe that the Gospel of John and Revelation were written by the same person who was, John, Jesus desciple.

 

721. You want to go to Bible college so that you can pronounce and understand all the words in the KJV Bible.

 

722. You secretly want to be martyred for your faith because you would be glorified in Heaven with Jesus.

[smellincoffee]

723. Your children aren't Christian anymore, and you indoctrinate their children when you're with them.

 

724. When your children ask you to stop trying to brainwash their children, you guilt-trip them.

 

725. You tell their children that their mommy and daddy are living in sin.

[MeiPassion]

726. You are opposed to comprehensive sex education because you have a problem with the idea of teaching that homosexuality is natural.

 

727. You call literature that's non-Christian "secular literature." You're the only idiot who could come up with such a catagory for literature.

 

728. You try your hardest to dispute facts.

[AKR]

723. Your children aren't Christian anymore, and you indoctrinate their children when you're with them.

 

724. When your children ask you to stop trying to brainwash their children, you guilt-trip them.

 

725. You tell their children that their mommy and daddy are living in sin.

 

wow, if these are your parents you're talking about, i'd keep them the f*ck away. if i had kids, they would NEVER be left alone with my parents, as i know EXACTLY what they'd do, regardless of my wishes.

 

 

And

 

AKR??????

 

Welcome on board - I see being the first one to read 666 didn't annihilate you from the face of the earth.

 

In fact it seems you were truly inspired to go on and took this thread all the way to 709. Wow - I'm impressed for a newbie.... You're going to fit right in.

 

So ... it seems .... we're going to continue on with our list. Hmmm ... let's see if I can come up with anything new...

 

 

 

thanks! i have my parents to thank for most of those. i figured why stop when there are soooo many indications of fundy...ness.

[R. S. Martin]

729. You boycot a movie made by Christians because they hired an openly gay man for his talent.

 

730. You tell your fellow fundies not to take too drastic measure; that firebombing their house might be a bit much.

 

This comes from a case early this year, The End of the Spear, or something like that.

 

 

731. You wouldn't be caught dead posting on this thread.

732. You wouldn't be caught dead actually reading this thread but it provides endless juicy gossip when you and your friends.

[Open_Minded]

You might be a fundy if...

 

733. You feel your face flush red as you start reading this thread.

734. You stop reading after only a few posts - because it is the devil tempting you away from your "faith".

735. You come back later to continue reading the thread - because this site is like a bad car wreck (you can't look away). And it scares you - the devil is winning the battle for your soul if you continue to read this thread.

736. You rationalize every single point in this thread which applies to you.

737. And .... you might be a fundy if you are proud of being called a fundy.

[smellincoffee]

737. And .... you might be a fundy if you are proud of being called a fundy.

 

That used to apply to me, tragically...

 

738. You might be a fundy if someone has ever called you a "zealot".

739. You get a buzz when your history professor talks about the first Crusade.

740. You wish she'd really rather NOT mention those other crusades.

741. And let's avoid the Inquisition, too.

742. You're torn between worshipping Joan of Arc and demonizing her.

[HoustonHorn]

743. You forward emails calling for boycotting Wal-Mart and Sams this weekend because they promoted Brokeback Mountain when it came out more than they promoted Chronicles of Narnia.

 

(I got one of those emails today)

[StewartP]

717. You have ever burned or destroyed books, tapes, CD's, and/or cassettes because they were "worldly" or "of the Devil."

 

EEK! I did this. How embarassing.

[Legion]

717. You have ever burned or destroyed books, tapes, CD's, and/or cassettes because they were "worldly" or "of the Devil."

 

EEK! I did this. How embarassing.

I did this too. I burned a book by Jung a long time ago. I still don't care much for Jung but I doubt that I would do the same now.

 

I don't sweat it. I'm a different person now.

[Ramen666]

744. For New Years entertainment you burn Harry Potter books because they are evil and teach whichcraft.

 

745. Every time a new Harry Potter book/ movie comes out you pray it will not get best seller.

 

746. You think sex is worse than violence

 

747. You hope what Mel Gibson said is not true you just state it is persecution since he made Passion of the Christ

 

748. The movie you want to see this Christmas is the Nativity Story ( Honetly how long can that movie be)

 

749. You think college is going to make your child liberal ( my parents think that)

 

750. You would rather give to your church than give to poor people.

 

751. You prayed Brokeback Mountain would not get an academy award

 

752. You screamed persecution when Passion of the Christ didn't get an academy award

 

753. You actually get the magazines "Plugged In" from Focus on the Family and don't watch certain movies because the Christians say they are evil.

 

754. You think the video game Halo makes you have no morals

 

755. You were at the midnight showing of Passion of the Christ

 

756. You got the Left Behind game first day and says it serves those catholics right

 

757. You think Catholics arn't Christian even though they were the first religion.

 

758. You smash your dick down when you get a boner when a hot girl walks by and you pray for forgiveness.

 

759. You don't believe in Global Warming because that is incorrect to the Bible how the world will get messed up.

 

760. You think Las Vegas is a sinful place, a place of the devil

I have a question on that I have been to Vegas several times and their is a church on the end of the Las Vegas strip? How does that work and their is one of those porno books stands right by the church....How does church work in Vegas?

 

761. You think nudity is evil and immoral

 

762. You cringe everytime evolution is btought up

[brad_religion]

763. When bad things happen to you, you believe God is telling you that you sinned.

 

764. When bad things happen to you, you believe Satan is attacking you because you are living a godly life.

 

765. When good things happen to you, you believe God is rewarding you for living a godly life.

 

766. When bad things happen to non-christians, you believe God is punishing them for not believing like you.

 

767. When good things happen to non-christians, you believe Satan is rewarding them for not believing like you.

 

768. You tell non-christians they are precious in God's sight and then tell them that God will kill everyone on judgment day who isn't a believer.

 

769. You tell people "God has a wonderful plan for your life" and then say God's plan can be overpowered by our free will.

 

770. You tell people that gambling is a sin, and then you say it is good to gamble our eternal souls on Pascal's wager.

 

771. You believe Adam and Eve rode a dinosaur to church in the garden of Eden.

 

772. You believe Hitler was an atheist and Thomas Jefferson was a Christian.

 

773. You think catholics are going to hell for using a crucifix, but you celebrate Christmas with a Christmas tree.

 

774. You believe Cain went into outer space since the bible plainly says he was driven from the face of the earth.

 

775. You tell people how evil your god is, but never actually call him evil.

[smellincoffee]

776. Your only reply to Biblical actrocities is to say "His Ways are higher than our ways."

 

777. Sometimes you add on to this with "Well, he's God; if he says genocide is okay, there's nothing YOU can do about it".

 

778. You fail to recognize that this is the same logic a bully uses to extort lunch money.

 

779. You fail to recognize that this bully logic is what the book of Job is about.

 

780. You say the Bible is God's word, and every word in it applies to our everyday lives.

 

781. Then you say "Well, some things weren't meant to be known until we're in heaven".

[Toxic]

782. When asked about things like why a supposedly loving God could send so many people to hell you reply "clay doesn't question what a potter does to it so we don't question God!" (bit similar to 776, sorry.)

[Open_Minded]

783. You voted for an ammendment to your state's constitution - defining marriage as between "one man and one woman". And somehow you think this protects your own marriage. (As if gay couples are going to invade your homelife.)

[godlessgrrl]

Woo! We made it to 666... to Infinity and Beyond!

 

784. You fit every definition of the word "fundy" - think like one, talk like one, believe like one, quack like one - and yet you insist that you are anything but.

 

785. You think that the fact that fewer people have been slaughtered in the name of Jesus means that Christianity is a "better" religion than others somehow. You fail to realize that every faith has blood on its hands and to compare headcounts like this is not only utterly pointless, but shows an appalling lack of respect for the dead. But hey. Anything to make your religion look better.

 

786. Your posts regularly inspire additions to this list.

 

787. You think that Stalin was an atheist, even though he attended Jesuit Seminary in Tiflis as a youth, and nobody knows for sure what religion he may have been.

 

788. You think that the Bible is good historical documentation for the existence of Jesus as a real person.

 

789. You think that Ben Franklin was a Christian, even though Franklin himself denies it in his own autobiography.

 

790. You think that since most of the Founding Fathers of the US were Christians, that means that they intended for America to be a Christian theocracy.

 

791. You think that folks who insist on the separation of church and state in the US are "unAmerican" or unpatriotic, or outright traitors.

[Megara]

792: You think that Christmas music is "magical."

 

793: You automatically think that Christian music is better than "secular music."

[willybilly30]

794. You keep whistling "victory in jesus" at work when people say it's annoying you look at them funny.

 

795. You want to have thanksgiving prayer at work not even considering that there maybe non christians there. If they refuse you say they can't have any food.

 

796. When an employee tells you a co worker is harrassing you smile, and say turn the other cheek.

 

797. You preach the bible and hold prayers in your class room even tho it's illegal and you might be offending kids of other religions.

 

798. You think evolution shouldn't be taught in school cause it's not in the bible.

 

799. You have the nerve to say things about other religions and beliefs when you know nothing about them.

 

800. You see it as a blessing from god that people are helping katrina victums, but don't wonder why he let katrina happened.

 

801. When a little 3 year old got ran over by a bus you say well god had a good reason to let it happen.

 

802. You answer ever question you can't answer with "that's the mysteries of god"

 

803. You tell other people not to do things that you are doing.

 

804. You hate the terrorists who crashed jets in the world trade center but shout halleuiah at those who bomb abortion clinics.

 

805. You easily gave up santa clause as an adult, But refuse to quit believing in jesus who was born of a virgin, Walked on water and acended up into heaven.

 

806. You think man really came from dirt, eve came from a rib, and the sky has windows.

 

807. You think "spare the rod spoil the child" is a good excuse to say when your friend says damn you rough on your kid with that belt!

 

808. You inspire my fiery rants I post in blogs and on here

[MeiPassion]

Woohoo! We made it passed 666.

 

 

 

809. You think you know how a woman feels if she chooses to have an abortion, you think she'll regret it but you know absolutly nothing.

 

810. You just think you know that people who don't have Jesus are so unhappy with their lives. Really, it's just your condescending attitude you have towards non-Christains.

 

811. You judge things you know nothing about.

 

812. You think teaching teens about condoms and birth control is "immoral."

 

813. You know how to distort facts.

 

814. You bitch about how you're always being persecuted, you think the reason why people don't want to turn to Christianity, is because you feel that people are just a bunch of mindless sinners. When in reality, the reason why people reject Christianity are because of the vast number of fallacies and contradictions. Not to mention the intolerance that comes with being a Christian. But you don't see that, cause you're a fundy.

 

815. You feel that allowing same-sex marriage is somehow an attack on your family. How in the hell can two men or women getting married is an attack on your family?

[Mman2000]

816: You are more concerned about teenagers in the United States looking at porn on the internet than you are about children in Africa starving to death.

 

817: You think that the words from Robert Schuller's "hour of power" are true wisdom rather than emotionally charged lines of BS.

 

818: You think that violent video games will make people end up in hell one way or another.