Overcame Faith Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 As much as I don't want to appear weak, I almost feel like breaking down and weeping. No matter how much I read and learn, it's always countered with apologetics that are deeply embedded into my mind. No matter how much I try to take my mind off myself and do something for somebody else, or even something good for myself, I still can't get my mind off religion. Which raises the question again, am I being pursued by God? That furthers my anxiety. There's no escape. I couldn't find any peace in Christianity, and I can't find it elsewhere either. I don't know how to handle this.... I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you will take the repeated and well-meaning suggestions from many on this forum that you seek professional help. Please do it soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused idiot Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 As much as I don't want to appear weak, I almost feel like breaking down and weeping. No matter how much I read and learn, it's always countered with apologetics that are deeply embedded into my mind. No matter how much I try to take my mind off myself and do something for somebody else, or even something good for myself, I still can't get my mind off religion. Which raises the question again, am I being pursued by God? That furthers my anxiety. There's no escape. I couldn't find any peace in Christianity, and I can't find it elsewhere either. I don't know how to handle this.... I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you will take the repeated and well-meaning suggestions from many on this forum that you seek professional help. Please do it soon. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist, but the waiting is killing me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 As much as I don't want to appear weak, I almost feel like breaking down and weeping. No matter how much I read and learn, it's always countered with apologetics that are deeply embedded into my mind. No matter how much I try to take my mind off myself and do something for somebody else, or even something good for myself, I still can't get my mind off religion. Which raises the question again, am I being pursued by God? That furthers my anxiety. There's no escape. I couldn't find any peace in Christianity, and I can't find it elsewhere either. I don't know how to handle this.... I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you will take the repeated and well-meaning suggestions from many on this forum that you seek professional help. Please do it soon. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist, but the waiting is killing me. I understand and I feel for you. Hang in there, friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phanta Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 What Florduh said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused idiot Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 What Florduh said. Hey, I'm trying. But no matter what I do, for me or anybody else, I can't get my mind off religion. I wish I could unlearn everything I brainwashed myself with. Either that or get fucking wasted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Valk0010 Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 wrote this last night I think you might get something out of it If happened today, it happened todayI was lost in the rain, falling short in my own hole Its black here, I have trouble seeing. I fell into the abyss, and found a salvation. It’s not general, people only find their own. I wish it was god, but I gained clarity. Something is lost, never to be found. I lost peace, for the cost of understanding Truth is not a matter emotion, but a matter of self. It’s a killer pill that many hate. The pain of fate and existence There is nothing up there now Scream away. Except the fact is a cold world Exist material become a seed Find your tears and run It’s lost Pick of your peace and wallow Accept fate its bleak We are just a big blue marble nothing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused idiot Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 wrote this last night I think you might get something out of it If happened today, it happened todayI was lost in the rain, falling short in my own hole Its black here, I have trouble seeing. I fell into the abyss, and found a salvation. It’s not general, people only find their own. I wish it was god, but I gained clarity. Something is lost, never to be found. I lost peace, for the cost of understanding Truth is not a matter emotion, but a matter of self. It’s a killer pill that many hate. The pain of fate and existence There is nothing up there now Scream away. Except the fact is a cold world Exist material become a seed Find your tears and run It’s lost Pick of your peace and wallow Accept fate its bleak We are just a big blue marble nothing more. I like writing stuff like that. Good way to vent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phanta Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 What Florduh said. Hey, I'm trying. But no matter what I do, for me or anybody else, I can't get my mind off religion. I wish I could unlearn everything I brainwashed myself with. Either that or get fucking wasted. Getting wasted is a fast way to compound your problems without learning anything. It's self-medicating. If you need medication, get it from your psychiatrist. Phanta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused idiot Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 What Florduh said. Hey, I'm trying. But no matter what I do, for me or anybody else, I can't get my mind off religion. I wish I could unlearn everything I brainwashed myself with. Either that or get fucking wasted. Getting wasted is a fast way to compound your problems without learning anything. It's self-medicating. If you need medication, get it from your psychiatrist. Phanta I don't care about the consequences. All I want is something that actually does something, unlike the meds I've took. I don't fucking care about the consquences of my actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 What Florduh said. Hey, I'm trying. But no matter what I do, for me or anybody else, I can't get my mind off religion. I wish I could unlearn everything I brainwashed myself with. Either that or get fucking wasted. Getting wasted is a fast way to compound your problems without learning anything. It's self-medicating. If you need medication, get it from your psychiatrist. Phanta I don't care about the consequences. All I want is something that actually does something, unlike the meds I've took. I don't fucking care about the consquences of my actions. Hi, Confused. I think that Phanta's point is that she does care, as do a lot of people on this board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phanta Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 You've spent many hours writing here about wanting to get better. Spin it any way you like, getting wasted will make you unbetter and the whole situation much worse. Take your thinking problem, add a drinking problem, and make it harder to manage the thinking problem. To summarize: it will fuck you up more. If meds don't work for you, it doesn't make sense on even more levels to self-medicate. P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused idiot Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 You've spent many hours writing here about wanting to get better. Spin it any way you like, getting wasted will make you unbetter and the whole situation much worse. Take your thinking problem, add a drinking problem, and make it harder to manage the thinking problem. To summarize: it will fuck you up more. If meds don't work for you, it doesn't make sense on even more levels to self-medicate. P Alcohol would do a better job than this God that I can't get out my head is doing. I'm not capable of being a Christian, and I don't have any desire to be one. I don't have any love for this religion. Only fear of it. I don't have anything driving me, as far as being a Christian goes. It's impossible at this point for me to be a Christian. Yet I still have thoughts about religon 24/7, and I can't get them out of my head. All that I've brainwashed myself with, the doctrines, the restrictions, the instability it brings, the stories, the testimonies, the conspiracy theories, all of this haunts me every day of my life, no matter what I do. I can't run from it. And I sometimes get the feeling that it's not just because it's all in my head... but because it's actually all true. I fear that it's true. Because it's a goddamn mindfuck that eats away at your sanity and mental health. And on top of the problems with religion, I have to contantly dwell on my own insecurities, failures, and hatred towards myself, for various reasons. With all that in mind, trying to drink it all away doesn't sound so bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phanta Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 "Drinking troubles away" is fantasy movie bullshit. Counseling is a good alternative cope to frantically researching. You've hung in there for a long time. You can manage a couple more weeks. Phanta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused idiot Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 "Drinking troubles away" is fantasy movie bullshit. Counseling is a good alternative cope to frantically researching. You've hung in there for a long time. You can manage a couple more weeks. Phanta I wouldn't call it "hanging in there", what I've done. I've waited, but that's only because I had no other choice. You can't call it hanging in there when there are no other options. It's impossible to "give up" when there's no escape to begin with. You can't say I've handled it well, unless you call angry predictable cycles of posts a good thing. Do you want to see this thread reach 100 pages? I sure as hell don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 I'm not capable of being a Christian, and I don't have any desire to be one. I don't have any love for this religion. Only fear of it. I don't have anything driving me, as far as being a Christian goes. It's impossible at this point for me to be a Christian. Yet I still have thoughts about religon 24/7, and I can't get them out of my head. It's tough to see you having such a hard time. My struggle was bad enough when I deconverted, but yours seems to be even worse. I do think that if you're sure that you can't be a christian, if the bible were true and you're not one of the elect and can't do anything about it, then you may as well enjoy this life for what it is. Whether or not christianity is true is irrelevant to this life if you are incapable of being a christian and hate the religion, so staying hung up on it won't solve anything. That's easier said than done, of course, but I still wanted to get it out there. I certainly hope you can get your mind redirected and straightened out. Look up some hot chicks, maybe that will distract you. Oh, and I also agree that getting wasted is not the answer and would probably just compound the problems. Anyway, good luck. If I believed in prayer, I'd pray for you, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused idiot Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 It's tough to see you having such a hard time. My struggle was bad enough when I deconverted, but yours seems to be even worse. It's a strange situation. I do think that if you're sure that you can't be a christian, if the bible were true and you're not one of the elect and can't do anything about it, then you may as well enjoy this life for what it is. Whether or not christianity is true is irrelevant to this life if you are incapable of being a christian and hate the religion, so staying hung up on it won't solve anything. I know, this is what I keep telling myself, but I'm having a hard time putting that mindset to use. That's easier said than done, of course, but I still wanted to get it out there. I certainly hope you can get your mind redirected and straightened out. Look up some hot chicks, maybe that will distract you. Oh, and I also agree that getting wasted is not the answer and would probably just compound the problems. In the long run, it might. Anyway, good luck. If I believed in prayer, I'd pray for you, man. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyone Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Anyway, good luck. If I believed in prayer, I'd pray for you, man. Thank you. If I believed in sacrificing goats to appease the powers that be, I'd butcher one for ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dB-Paradox Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Anyway, good luck. If I believed in prayer, I'd pray for you, man. Thank you. If I believed in sacrificing goats to appease the powers that be, I'd butcher one for ya! If I believed in sitting on my ass....nevermind. I'm already doing it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused idiot Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 The goat butchering and ass-sitting is apprectated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Valk0010 Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 The goat butchering and ass-sitting is apprectated. :lmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phanta Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 "Drinking troubles away" is fantasy movie bullshit. Counseling is a good alternative cope to frantically researching. You've hung in there for a long time. You can manage a couple more weeks. Phanta I wouldn't call it "hanging in there", what I've done. I've waited, but that's only because I had no other choice. You can't call it hanging in there when there are no other options. It's impossible to "give up" when there's no escape to begin with. Drinking or continuing to tolerate waiting <-- 2 options. You can't say I've handled it well, unless you call angry predictable cycles of posts a good thing. Do you want to see this thread reach 100 pages? I sure as hell don't. I'm not too fussed by your long thread. I use writing to work through stuff all the time. My first thread went on and on and on. And the second one as well. It's a fairly tame problem to have, long threads. When is your counseling appointment? Phanta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused idiot Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 When is your counseling appointment? mid july Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused idiot Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 I've had to stop myself from posting a near suicidal message today.... I think I need to call a crisis line tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiddlingAround Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 I've had to stop myself from posting a near suicidal message today.... I think I need to call a crisis line tonight. Tonight is good. Sooner, if possible, is better. You say "near suicidal" but if there's even a chance that that's going to translate into suicidal action sometime today, you need to seek help now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phanta Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 I've had to stop myself from posting a near suicidal message today.... I think I need to call a crisis line tonight. Tonight is good. Sooner, if possible, is better. You say "near suicidal" but if there's even a chance that that's going to translate into suicidal action sometime today, you need to seek help now. That's right. That's what it's there for. You don't have to be hyper-suicidal to call, either. They talk with struggling people. Phanta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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