Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[Cousin Ricky]

So, I guess that 60% of men struggle with pornography, while the other 40% just enjoy it?

 

I recently heard about some researchers who wanted to do a study of the effects of pornography on men, but they ran into a slight protocol snag: they couldn’t find any men for a control group!

 

The god of this world? Is there more than one god?

 

The Mormons think so.

[francesco]

so this is one of the loopy argument they posted

 

poster: (commenting about one topic) what would jesus do, jesus would not do that

respond: I don't think jesus concern about that thing

poster: but human will never know jesus' mind

 

 I wonder how the poster could say that jesus would never do that if he as human does not know jesus' mind

[midniterider]

so this is one of the loopy argument they posted

 

poster: (commenting about one topic) what would jesus do, jesus would not do that

respond: I don't think jesus concern about that thing

poster: but human will never know jesus' mind

 

 I wonder how the poster could say that jesus would never do that if he as human does not know jesus' mind

 

lol.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

My mother's facebook post for today (she's doing the daily thanks giving thing for November):

 

"Day 30 - Thankful for this time of year. Love putting up lots of lights to light the house. This year a wise lady shed some new light on the lights we put up. She said, "YOU CANNOT LIGHT CHRISTMAS--BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS THAT LIGHTS YOU.'' How awesome is that. Our light comes from the birth of Jesus, not the decorations at this time of year."

[midniterider]

My mother's facebook post for today (she's doing the daily thanks giving thing for November):

 

"Day 30 - Thankful for this time of year. Love putting up lots of lights to light the house. This year a wise lady shed some new light on the lights we put up. She said, "YOU CANNOT LIGHT CHRISTMAS--BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS THAT LIGHTS YOU.'' How awesome is that. Our light comes from the birth of Jesus, not the decorations at this time of year."

 

Then the wise lady went shopping and got into a tussle over a flat screen tv at Walmart. :-)

[TheRedneckProfessor]

^^^LOL

[WaitingInfinity]

I'm not on Facebook, but I am on Twitter. I have this one guy I follow who retweets this girl called Warrior Woman of God who tweets little gems like:

 

"The more I learn about Christmas the more creeped out I am over it... #ElvesAreDemonsThatTerrorizeChildren and that's not even 1/2 of it"

 

"Swine and other unclean meats cause boils and psychological problems, and worms."

 

"Paul doesn't contradict himself or the Torah, men contradict and contort Paul."

 

"Ladies, take delight in womanhood. The Lord created us to be more sensitive, more gentle and feminine. & Get this, that's what guys like."

[ContraBardus]

I'm not on Facebook, but I am on Twitter. I have this one guy I follow who retweets this girl called Warrior Woman of God who tweets little gems like:

 

"The more I learn about Christmas the more creeped out I am over it... #ElvesAreDemonsThatTerrorizeChildren and that's not even 1/2 of it"

 

"Swine and other unclean meats cause boils and psychological problems, and worms."

 

"Paul doesn't contradict himself or the Torah, men contradict and contort Paul."

 

"Ladies, take delight in womanhood. The Lord created us to be more sensitive, more gentle and feminine. & Get this, that's what guys like."

 

Hey, she's right. I love stupid women. I'm just not in love with them.

[Jds22]

Another one from a family member

 

[pawn]

Another one from a family member

 

 

[BendyLine]

Another one from a family member

 

Bullshit. If Christians didn't care, they wouldn't be trying to shove it down everyone else's throat. 

[ContraBardus]

 

Another one from a family member

 

Bullshit. If Christians didn't care, they wouldn't be trying to shove it down everyone else's throat. 

 

 

Not really, the only issue I have with this is that it confuses the word 'think' with 'know'.

[Pantophobia]

 

 

"Ladies, take delight in womanhood. The Lord created us to be more sensitive, more gentle and feminine. & Get this, that's what guys like."

 

Guys also like blow jobs, but according to a bunch of biblical nonsense, that's a no-no, and we are whores for tempting men in those ways. Did the Lard create us to be that, too?

[francesco]

Another one from a family member

 

I wonder how he/she will react if u told him/her that he/she is an idiot

Would he/she ignore it or angry with you

[slave2six]

 

 

 

"Ladies, take delight in womanhood. The Lord created us to be more sensitive, more gentle and feminine. & Get this, that's what guys like."

 

Guys also like blow jobs, but according to a bunch of biblical nonsense, that's a no-no, and we are whores for tempting men in those ways. Did the Lard create us to be that, too?

 

 

He shouldn't have put the playground on top of the sewer, IMHO.

[dona_priscilla]

A family member wrote this status after the news about Paul Walker's death came out:

 

"Fame without Jesus is worth nothing. This young man enjoyed and lived like he wanted. Today his destiny was decided. And yours?"

 

Some people have no shame... Pimping the dead for Jesus.

[sdelsolray]

Another one from a family member

 

Most likely, your family member is lying.

[Tollo]

And you see nothing weird about this situation?

(Sorry this isn't the way people normally attach their images, I'm not sure how to do it)

[Idontevenknow99]

I'm not on Facebook, but I am on Twitter. I have this one guy I follow who retweets this girl called Warrior Woman of God who tweets little gems like:

 

"The more I learn about Christmas the more creeped out I am over it... #ElvesAreDemonsThatTerrorizeChildren and that's not even 1/2 of it"

 

"Swine and other unclean meats cause boils and psychological problems, and worms."

 

"Paul doesn't contradict himself or the Torah, men contradict and contort Paul."

 

"Ladies, take delight in womanhood. The Lord created us to be more sensitive, more gentle and feminine. & Get this, that's what guys like."

 

LOL! I get a laugh out of these tweets on Twitter because I follow the #noshamemov tag and they reference these awful slut-shaming christian twitter accounts that start off with "Ladies..." and usually end with what a girl should be like just so a guy could like you. It just makes me so mad. They don't deserve Twitter or Facebook!  Some of them are triggering and I can't go back and read them because of the misleading and ignorant preachy things they say. 

[francesco]

And you see nothing weird about this situation?

(Sorry this isn't the way people normally attach their images, I'm not sure how to do it)

it does not even make sense

so your great god need your help to show his greatness?

[expat674]

I found this nugget of advice today;

 

"Can I call a generation to go to bed at 10pm? Most of the stuff you wake up repenting for happens after 10pm."
- Corey Russell. 

 

I usually go to bed at about 10pm anyway, as I have to be in work at 7.30am, but at the weekends I come alive after 10pm. I work hard all week and I need to unwind.  Who does this guy think he is?

Why do xtians continually go on about "generations" as in "I believe g*d is gonna do so much in our generation, let's pray for 3 hours to find out what!!" 

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

And you see nothing weird about this situation?

(Sorry this isn't the way people normally attach their images, I'm not sure how to do it)

 

What the captioned image should have said:

 

"The whole duty of the Christian can be summed up in this: feel, think, and act the way the Bible says you should, otherwise, you could find yourself in a lake of fire. Do all of God's dirty work while he's sitting up in Heaven doing squat and remember to never think the wrong things, because thinking of doing evil things is exactly like doing them, regardless of whether what you are thinking of doing is a victimless sin or not. Also, always remember, what is evil one day can be acceptable the next, if God says so.

 

-Crazyguy123"

 

It is fixed, ContraBardus. I didn't think of everything right then, even though I should have thought of the stuff you mentioned. 

[ContraBardus]

 

And you see nothing weird about this situation?

(Sorry this isn't the way people normally attach their images, I'm not sure how to do it)

 

What the captioned image should have said:

 

"The whole duty of the Christian can be summed up in this: feel, think, and act the way the Bible says you should, otherwise, you could find yourself in a lake of fire. Do all of God's dirty work while he's sitting up in Heaven doing squat and remember to never think the wrong things, because thinking of doing evil things is exactly like doing them, regardless of whether what you are thinking of doing is a victimless sin or not, because even victimless sins are equally as terrible as raping and killing random people for fun (at least God seems to think so, though I can't imagine why...).

 

-Crazyguy123"

 

 

Actually, killing and raping people aren't sins if you follow the rules.

 

This post is directed at the men because the women shouldn't be able to read it anyway, and should be whipped, silenced, forced to sleep in the dirt, and shamed for not properly fulfilling their role if they can. If they force themselves to forget the forbidden knowledge they may be allowed to sleep with the dogs at the foot of the table once a member of the clergy has absolved them.

 

At any rate, rape is a bit costly so save up a bit first. In order to not sin committing this act you just have to buy the woman from her dad after you rape her and continue to rape her after you force her to marry you on a regular basis. Payment should be in silver according to the Bible, but I'm guessing some would suggest Paypal would be sufficient these days. Do not believe this. The Paypal blasphemers should be publicly flogged, their families shamed, and then burned at the stake while being stoned.

 

You must buy the father of your whore bride, who didn't fight you hard enough and tempted you by being too womanish so she's obviously at fault, a nice set of silverware. Not that cheap silver coated crap either. You must get the real deal and get real silver, because God will know and the rules say silver. Otherwise he might punish the woman for being a whore and toss her into hell forever and make the rapist go into timeout for ten minutes, which would be horrible for the man.

 

Murder is much easier and inexpensive! Killing is completely free, unless it's a slave, in which case you've got to pay the owner of the slave for the value of his servant. Paypal is perfectly acceptable in this situation. There are lots of loopholes and validations to make that nasty 'sin' element just disappear like it never even existed to begin with! To make murder okay you simply make sure that you use the appropriate method for murdering them. Usually burning or stoning them.

 

You must also use a Church sanctioned justifiable reason for killing them. There are a number of them so it's not difficult to pick one that fits any situation, such as: making sure the person is either a foreign unbeliever or has committed an unforgivable act like not being Christian, not being a member of your particular sect of Christianity even if they are Christian, being a suspected witch, wearing multi-fabric clothes, shaving the hair on their temples, blaspheming, eating shellfish, masturbating, not being able to bear male children, getting raped and not being bought afterwards, having carnal desires for other men, acting on carnal desires for other men, being a woman who does not have sex with her husband when ordered to, or if they ever did something besides sit on their ass all day on the wrong day of the week. Whether it's Saturday or Sunday is still under debate, and killing someone who disagrees with you about which day is the correct one is also acceptable.

 

There's a bunch more good reasons to kill someone, but in the interest of time I'll leave it at that.

 

TL;DR: Murder/Rape =/= Sin. Because, reasons.

 

Twitter Synopsis: murdr iz OK BC god sez UR b& I rap U 4 $ iz OK 2 #LOL #JC Luv U!!!11 <3 <3

 

On that note, I'm to understand it's okay to take slaves from neighboring countries as well. I know it's fine to use Asians, Latinos, and Black slaves, but I'm uncertain about whether Canadian slaves would be acceptable. I'd think so, but they're white and some are close enough to American that it's a bit of a gray area. I'm sure the French speaking Canadians would make fine slaves, but the British ones might be a bit like enslaving one's own cousin. Selling female cousins as slaves to others would be fine, but I'm to understand that taking family and allies as slaves is somewhat frowned upon.

 

What do you guys think? Would it be okay with God for me to have a Canadian slave? I'd really like to have one and it would be really convenient as I wouldn't have to train them to speak English like a normal white person.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

 

 

And you see nothing weird about this situation?

(Sorry this isn't the way people normally attach their images, I'm not sure how to do it)

 

What the captioned image should have said:

 

"The whole duty of the Christian can be summed up in this: feel, think, and act the way the Bible says you should, otherwise, you could find yourself in a lake of fire. Do all of God's dirty work while he's sitting up in Heaven doing squat and remember to never think the wrong things, because thinking of doing evil things is exactly like doing them, regardless of whether what you are thinking of doing is a victimless sin or not, because even victimless sins are equally as terrible as raping and killing random people for fun (at least God seems to think so, though I can't imagine why...).

 

-Crazyguy123"

 

 

Actually, killing and raping people aren't sins if you follow the rules.

 

This post is directed at the men because the women shouldn't be able to read it anyway, and should be whipped, silenced, forced to sleep in the dirt, and shamed for not properly fulfilling their role if they can. If they force themselves to forget the forbidden knowledge they may be allowed to sleep with the dogs at the foot of the table once a member of the clergy has absolved them.

 

At any rate, rape is a bit costly so save up a bit first. In order to not sin committing this act you just have to buy the woman from her dad after you rape her and continue to rape her after you force her to marry you on a regular basis. Payment should be in silver according to the Bible, but I'm guessing some would suggest Paypal would be sufficient these days. Do not believe this. The Paypal blasphemers should be publicly flogged, their families shamed, and then burned at the stake while being stoned.

 

You must buy the father of your whore bride, who didn't fight you hard enough and tempted you by being too womanish so she's obviously at fault, a nice set of silverware. Not that cheap silver coated crap either. You must get the real deal and get real silver, because God will know and the rules say silver. Otherwise he might punish the woman for being a whore and toss her into hell forever and make the rapist go into timeout for ten minutes, which would be horrible for the man.

 

Murder is much easier and inexpensive! Killing is completely free, unless it's a slave, in which case you've got to pay the owner of the slave for the value of his servant. Paypal is perfectly acceptable in this situation. There are lots of loopholes and validations to make that nasty 'sin' element just disappear like it never even existed to begin with! To make murder okay you simply make sure that you use the appropriate method for murdering them. Usually burning or stoning them.

 

You must also use a Church sanctioned justifiable reason for killing them. There are a number of them so it's not difficult to pick one that fits any situation, such as: making sure the person is either a foreign unbeliever or has committed an unforgivable act like not being Christian, not being a member of your particular sect of Christianity even if they are Christian, being a suspected witch, wearing multi-fabric clothes, shaving the hair on their temples, blaspheming, eating shellfish, masturbating, not being able to bear male children, getting raped and not being bought afterwards, having carnal desires for other men, acting on carnal desires for other men, being a woman who does not have sex with her husband when ordered to, or if they ever did something besides sit on their ass all day on the wrong day of the week. Whether it's Saturday or Sunday is still under debate, and killing someone who disagrees with you about which day is the correct one is also acceptable.

 

There's a bunch more good reasons to kill someone, but in the interest of time I'll leave it at that.

 

TL;DR: Murder/Rape =/= Sin. Because, reasons.

 

Twitter Synopsis: murdr iz OK BC god sez UR b& I rap U 4 $ iz OK 2 #LOL #JC Luv U!!!11 <3 <3

 

On that note, I'm to understand it's okay to take slaves from neighboring countries as well. I know it's fine to use Asians, Latinos, and Black slaves, but I'm uncertain about whether Canadian slaves would be acceptable. I'd think so, but they're white and some are close enough to American that it's a bit of a gray area. I'm sure the French speaking Canadians would make fine slaves, but the British ones might be a bit like enslaving one's own cousin. Selling female cousins as slaves to others would be fine, but I'm to understand that taking family and allies as slaves is somewhat frowned upon.

 

What do you guys think? Would it be okay with God for me to have a Canadian slave? I'd really like to have one and it would be really convenient as I wouldn't have to train them to speak English like a normal white person.

 

 

I fixed my previous post. I don't know why I didn't think of all of this stuff (which I should have! ) when I made the post.

[RenaissanceWoman]

CB, you're scaring me just a little.