mymistake Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 My friend sent me this image: no. 3 is obviously a troll I'm not so sure. There are plenty of people in the world today who think exactly like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Got this one today: "Satan is on the move and I rebuke thee in the name of Jesus." rebuke, now that's a 3 dollar word you don't hear very often. lol and does using a Shakespearian era pronoun give it more umph? Strange. I use to hear the word "rebuke" all the time, especially back when I was in high school. My HS was part of an organization that loved to rebuke during prayers. Yeah, "rebuke" is (or at least used to be) a very common word among fundies. I know I've heard it a bazillion times. Makes you want to pull out your curly white English judge wig and some holy water... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sybaris Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Got this one today: "Satan is on the move and I rebuke thee in the name of Jesus." rebuke, now that's a 3 dollar word you don't hear very often. lol and does using a Shakespearian era pronoun give it more umph? Strange. I use to hear the word "rebuke" all the time, especially back when I was in high school. My HS was part of an organization that loved to rebuke during prayers. Yeah, "rebuke" is (or at least used to be) a very common word among fundies. I know I've heard it a bazillion times. A scene from the Exorcist comes to mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 In my UPC denomination, you knew people were done fucking around when they broke out the Elizabethan English. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Barf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Barf When I say "I am a Christian", I am saying that I'm narcissistic enough to believe that the God of the universe actually gives two shits about getting me a parking spot at Walmart. Gawd. Love the false humility of it all! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sybaris Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 I saw a post recently that said only men that truly love Jesus can truly love others. This infuriated me. So your invalidating the love of millions of people just because they don't share your views? Heard something similar from the Pastor of my wife's church today, "Only those who know Jesus Christ will know peace" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Heard something similar from the Pastor of my wife's church today, "Only those who know Jesus Christ will know peace" Yeah, and these kind of Christians work hard at actualizing that statement by making the lives of those who don't believe a living hell. It is the height of arrogance and hypocrisy. I will never think that anyone who says such a thing has any peace in their own life. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Got this one today: "Satan is on the move and I rebuke thee in the name of Jesus." rebuke, now that's a 3 dollar word you don't hear very often. lol and does using a Shakespearian era pronoun give it more umph? Strange. I use to hear the word "rebuke" all the time, especially back when I was in high school. My HS was part of an organization that loved to rebuke during prayers. Yeah, "rebuke" is (or at least used to be) a very common word among fundies. I know I've heard it a bazillion times. Makes you want to pull out your curly white English judge wig and some holy water... I kid you not . . . when I tell my mother that I am coming down with a cold her immediate response is "Did you rebuke the cold in the name of Jesus?". She honestly thinks prayer is like medicine only more effective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 I kid you not . . . when I tell my mother that I am coming down with a cold her immediate response is "Did you rebuke the cold in the name of Jesus?". She honestly thinks prayer is like medicine only more effective. Maybe you should have rebuked the cold in front of her and then asked her to do the same, and then you could've said, "Damn, that didn't work very well, now did it?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted September 9, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted September 9, 2012 I kid you not . . . when I tell my mother that I am coming down with a cold her immediate response is "Did you rebuke the cold in the name of Jesus?". She honestly thinks prayer is like medicine only more effective. Maybe you should have rebuked the cold in front of her and then asked her to do the same, and then you could've said, "Damn, that didn't work very well, now did it?" Give it a week or two, and it'll work like a charm! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Got this one today: "Satan is on the move and I rebuke thee in the name of Jesus." rebuke, now that's a 3 dollar word you don't hear very often. lol and does using a Shakespearian era pronoun give it more umph? Strange. I use to hear the word "rebuke" all the time, especially back when I was in high school. My HS was part of an organization that loved to rebuke during prayers. Yeah, "rebuke" is (or at least used to be) a very common word among fundies. I know I've heard it a bazillion times. A scene from the Exorcist comes to mind Try rebuking the police man after he pulls you over. bahahaha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 I kid you not . . . when I tell my mother that I am coming down with a cold her immediate response is "Did you rebuke the cold in the name of Jesus?". She honestly thinks prayer is like medicine only more effective. Maybe you should have rebuked the cold in front of her and then asked her to do the same, and then you could've said, "Damn, that didn't work very well, now did it?" Give it a week or two, and it'll work like a charm! Yeah, that is exactly right. She has never been killed by a cold. Ergo her prayers have been victorious every single time. She is batting a 1000 and calls herself a prayer warrior. Just before I left Christianity I was praying for God's protection over our solders in the Iraq war. As I watched announcements of their deaths come in at a more or less steady rate I wondered briefly why we couldn't pray that nobody dies anywhere. The idea made me feel silly and helpless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 ... except that if you read the Bible and take it literally, you're supposed to pray for impossible things like mountains moving and whatnot, and God promised he'd do whatever you asked. I had the same revelation when I was fundie--I noticed that over time I began praying only for things that were feasible without any sort of god at all, like finding lost objects or recovering from normal illnesses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Posted this in the Funny Pic thread, but then thought that maybe it would provide some comedic relief in here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I admit, what amazes me most is that someone thought of that verse within an hour of the original post. Whoever that guy is, he delivers almost as well as Anonymous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I admit, what amazes me most is that someone thought of that verse within an hour of the original post. Whoever that guy is, he delivers almost as well as Anonymous. It's not an actual bible verse, I just realised lol. He totally trolled her, and she didn't even notice. Oh, SO MUCH WIN!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leith Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Haephestus? What the hell is that? Whatever it is, it's not in the bible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Posted this in the Funny Pic thread, but then thought that maybe it would provide some comedic relief in here lulz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Haephestus? What the hell is that? Whatever it is, it's not in the bible. Hahahaha, it gets better- Hephaestus (think the guy on FB had a spelling whoopsie), is a Greek god of fire, particularly for blacksmiths, but also for other craftsmen: http://www.pantheon.org/articles/h/hephaestus.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunaticheathen Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Haephestus? What the hell is that? Whatever it is, it's not in the bible. Hahahaha, it gets better- Hephaestus (think the guy on FB had a spelling whoopsie), is a Greek god of fire, particularly for blacksmiths, but also for other craftsmen: http://www.pantheon....hephaestus.html Because that bitch got BURNED! See wut I did thar? xD 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Haephestus? What the hell is that? Whatever it is, it's not in the bible. Hahahaha, it gets better- Hephaestus (think the guy on FB had a spelling whoopsie), is a Greek god of fire, particularly for blacksmiths, but also for other craftsmen: http://www.pantheon....hephaestus.html Because that bitch got BURNED! See wut I did thar? xD 1000 internets to you! The dude, seriously, is a fucking genius! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentknight Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Yeah, it's easy to manufacture a fake "Bible" quote and give it to those that don't know their Bible very well. Excellent job, too bad it wasn't used against a Fundie. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted September 11, 2012 Moderator Share Posted September 11, 2012 I almost asked him to elaborate: "Hmmmm. Things to agree with, things to disagree with. "I find it ... fundamentally consistent to believe that God created gradually and through evolutionary process. That science analyzes it and scripture interprets it. That the laws of physics have not changed multiple times. That there is a purpose and a plan to creation – and that everything works together for his purpose. Parasitic wasps, sadistic cats, and web-footed land dwellers are neither accidental nor specifically designed. Death, biological death, is in some ways a part of the process of God’s design in the universe. I am not disturbed by this as Darwin was. But spiritual death, human destruction, separation from God is not a part of the design. Evil, systemic human evil, individual human evil, total depravity, are a direct result of human rebellion, human sin. Scripture relates historical events in the life, death, resurrection of Jesus and interprets those events as the pivotal work of God to redeem us, forgive us, and enable us to move forward in his plan, in his mission, and in his will."" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wndwalkr99 Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Posted this in the Funny Pic thread, but then thought that maybe it would provide some comedic relief in here Hahaha "fuck off, you ruined my status" is the funniest part Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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