midniterider Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 I think the pumpkins were better off whole. They last much longer and have more of a functional use this way. Jack-o-lanterns look pretty, but they're hollow and are only good for rotting on your doorstep and stinking in the spring. God removes the seeds. Evidence of his approving of abortion. He carves a smiley face on you forcing you to fake happiness. God gives you 'yucky stuff' then yanks it back out. WTF? The 'light' he puts inside you turns your insides black much like smoking cigarettes turns your lungs black. The fun part though is when cars run over the remains after some kid tosses it out into the street. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentknight Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Dear parish, While out with his car club this morning, (redacted) was in a very serious car accident. He received a significant head wound but thankfully, he is in stable condition. Having seen the pictures of the car that he was in I think that it is clear that the Lord was with him! From the minister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 I think I remember drying out the pumpkin seeds and feeding them to the birds. I am sure the birds appreciated the extra food. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted September 24, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted September 24, 2012 Dear parish, While out with his car club this morning, (redacted) was in a very serious car accident. He received a significant head wound but thankfully, he is in stable condition. Having seen the pictures of the car that he was in I think that it is clear that the Lord was with him! From the minister. Was this the car he was driving? Just love that license plate...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Dear parish, While out with his car club this morning, (redacted) was in a very serious car accident. He received a significant head wound but thankfully, he is in stable condition. Having seen the pictures of the car that he was in I think that it is clear that the Lord was with him! From the minister. Was this the car he was driving? Just love that license plate...... this is the "big photo" on my facebook page. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inorbit Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Facebook friend and former fellow IHOP staff posted this. Picture of the sermon notes. Looking at it now, after being out for longer, it sounds even more batshit insane. Cult status, anyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted September 24, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted September 24, 2012 Dear parish, While out with his car club this morning, (redacted) was in a very serious car accident. He received a significant head wound but thankfully, he is in stable condition. Having seen the pictures of the car that he was in I think that it is clear that the Lord was with him! From the minister. Was this the car he was driving? Just love that license plate...... this is the "big photo" on my facebook page. HA! As they say, "a picture speaks a thousand words" and this one says it all, doesn't it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 .. .or you rot on the front porch till you explode? Or until some teens smash you with a baseball bat. On second thought... I'm liking this analogy more and more! Kids around our neigborhood just go out and smash them in the middle of the road. We've also had the occasional arrest of teens who throw rotten pumpkins at cars. You know, all I could think of reading that stupid pumpkin thing was how it sounded like how a serial killer would leave his mark on his victims in an episode of CSI or Criminal Minds...kill em', carve 'em a chelsea grin and gut 'em. Yum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rek99 Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 Church sign on my way to work: "What's missing from our CH CH? U R!!" "What's the best vitamin for a Christian? B1!!" That's the kinda knee-slapper-pun shit I'd expect to see on a Laffy Taffy wrapper... But hey, I'm thinking of going in there and giving them 10% of my income, so it worked on me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stryper Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 Church sign: "aren't you glad your mom is pro-life?" Church name. HBWT T is a cross. Stands for Have Bible Will Travel. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 Huh. My mom was pro-choice. That word, I do not think it means what they think it means. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentknight Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 Huh. My mom was pro-choice. That word, I do not think it means what they think it means. Inconceivable! (that's actually appropriate here...) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted September 26, 2012 Moderator Share Posted September 26, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 I accepted Christ and was baptized, but after waking up to the reality that it's just mythology, I no longer like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentknight Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Suddenly wondering if all this "atheism is a religion" bullshit is sprouting because Christians no longer have any conception what a religion is with all their "Christianity is a relationship" smug self-regarding nonsense. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Suddenly wondering if all this "atheism is a religion" bullshit is sprouting because Christians no longer have any conception what a religion is with all their "Christianity is a relationship" smug self-regarding nonsense. It is ironic they want to denounce the religious aspect of it and claim a "relationship". The truth is there is no relationship when you are having one with yourself. Relationships whether human, mathematical or chemical, ALL of them have more than one element at work. The only place you are going to find some vague concept of a relationship is in a church setting where the relationship is with fellow woos. Ergo you have religion. This meme has been around awhile and really is an adapted theology bordering on mysticism. The sad thing is how gullible folk are in spouting this off w/o really thinking about it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owen652 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 using the 'R' word was always a no-no when I was a christian; it still sounds weird now when i refer to it as a religion cos it was so drummed into us to never refer to it as such, despite the fact that's exactly what it is. It isn't science, it isn't architecture, it isn't a turnip.. it is a religion, twits. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 using the 'R' word was always a no-no when I was a christian; it still sounds weird now when i refer to it as a religion cos it was so drummed into us to never refer to it as such, despite the fact that's exactly what it is. It isn't science, it isn't architecture, it isn't a turnip.. it is a religion, twits. The Christian disdain for the term "religion" is quite ironic when considering this Bible verse: James 1:27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. If "religion" is so terrible, then why does the Bible refer to "pure religion"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Suddenly wondering if all this "atheism is a religion" bullshit is sprouting because Christians no longer have any conception what a religion is with all their "Christianity is a relationship" smug self-regarding nonsense. The funny thing is that if Christianity isn't a religion but atheism is, then the churches should lose their tax exempt status while any atheist should get it. I bet they wouldn't like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stryper Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Suddenly wondering if all this "atheism is a religion" bullshit is sprouting because Christians no longer have any conception what a religion is with all their "Christianity is a relationship" smug self-regarding nonsense. The funny thing is that if Christianity isn't a religion but atheism is, then the churches should lose their tax exempt status while any atheist should get it. I bet they wouldn't like that. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I approve too! I wish I could give you a rep point, Ouroboros. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Whether we call it relationship or reliigion, it is a toxic obsessive compulsive disorder characterized by fear, shame and guilt. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunaticheathen Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Huh. My mom was pro-choice. That word, I do not think it means what they think it means. Same here. My mom still is pro-choice. I mean, holy fuck, women can CHOOSE to have children? It's like all women just CAN'T have any idea how their bodies work, and wait for the magical fetus gnome to punch them in the vagina to get them pregnant. The invisible fetus gnome. Is this what christards and republicans think? Must be. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 More wisdom from a fundy friend: "As long as you're chasing after God, you'll catch a glimpse every once in a while. If you rest in knowing that you already have all of Him, you can actually build a relationship." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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