midniterider Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Well, it is done. This is what I sent a minute ago: I am in receipt of your emails dated May 7 and May 22, 2012. Nothing has changed from my perspective with regards to my love and responsibility towards my wife and children. My love and care for them will not change, regardless of whether or not I have any specific religious belief system. At this time, discussions between you and me on religion and faith (including issues related to our marriage, the raising of our children, etc.) will be off-limits. However, if there is a point down the road that you would like to communicate with me on these issues with all due respect, courtesy, and reasonableness, then I would be more than willing to consider it. But as you are not in a position of authority over me, my wife, our children, or our marriage, I am asking you to respect the boundaries placed here. <wife> has indicated to me that she would like to be left out of the middle, so please do not CC her in your emails that are addressed only to me. Thank you, Jeremy Now to try to compose an email to my pastor for "outing" me without even asking for my permission. Something somewhat related happened to me in the military. My first sergeant mentioned to one of my barracks mates of my failure in a dorm inspection that resulted in a less than perfect, yet still pretty high overall rating during an inspector general's visit. So the barracks mate ragged on me about it. So I questioned him to find out how he had discovered this. So, while several angry people were still milling about the halls I called the first sergeant on the phone and tore him a new one while the angry people looked on. I think my ripping a master sergeant apart set some doubt into their minds as to my mental stability. I did not ask, I told my first sergeant to never do that again. Never got in trouble for that either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I'd send it as is, electech. But you don't need my thoughts on the matter- this is your life. You know what you need to do and say. Have confidence in yourself. With stuff like this, there's never a "right" way to say it, so just say what you want to and be done with it. Too many people are already fucking with your life as it is. The only suggestion I'd make is to write another copy that throws all civility out the window and then burn it. Very cathartic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I cannot wait to see the response from your FIL! If he's the type of fundy he sounds like, I'm expecting some sort of angry assertion of his non-existent authority. Essentially a "How DARE you tell ME what to do!" sort of thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdp Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 'help' with what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted May 30, 2012 Moderator Share Posted May 30, 2012 I'd be tempted to pin it on the bulletin board/website or nail it to the church door. You are a patient man. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 WOW. Nice letter to the FIL. Far more civil than I could have done. FIY, confidentiality is not, to my knowledge, something that pastors have to cultivate. They're not licensed therapists or counselors, so can't be bound by those rules. And unless the info was gotten via formal confession, he may not be bound by any other pastor rules to keep his gossip to himself. I've been bitten that way too. My Evil Ex, who was at the time active duty military, talked me into an hour of counseling from a base chaplain to "discuss" my having dumped him when I returned to the house to rescue my cats from him (what a nice Pentecostal preacher he was--he'd threatened to take them to the pound to be put to sleep if I didn't return to personally claim them; oh, to have known then what I know now about how to handle threats like that). At first I refused, but Evil Ex said that the guy was bound by confidentiality laws, and stupidly I believed him. NO, the chaplain was NOT bound by confidence laws (or he just ignored them, who knows), and Evil Ex got some info I'd have really rather he not have had through that experience. I was at the time drifting out of Christianity, and that definitely didn't help my perceptions of Christians at all--Evil Ex OR his quack "counselor" chaplain buddy who gave me this "counseling" session with a Bible in his hand half the time. No, I don't trust these self-proclaimed "counselors" at ALL, and I wouldn't trust one with any information I didn't want to see plastered on a billboard--or told to a stalker ex-husband-to-be. People like your ex-pastor are predators, plain and simple. They say they're shepherds, and I guess maybe they are, if you consider what the end of the line looks like for a goat or sheep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 I am not sure if you have seen this video yet, but I found it powerful: It's titled "We have nothing more to talk about". ETA: Nice work on the letter to you FIL 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 I am not sure if you have seen this video yet, but I found it powerful: It's titled "We have nothing more to talk about". ETA: Nice work on the letter to you FIL Wow, that's an awesome video! I've never seen that before! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 That was an amazing video. Thank you for linking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 That's one of my favorite Thinking Atheist videos. I imagine I might need to say that to some people someday, should they ever find out the truth about me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Her tone was PERFECT, wasn't it? I'm not sure mere typed words could convey her dripping, biting contempt and disdain. If I'd come out as a Christian after it was made, I'd have just distributed links to it. A pity too few people cared enough about my deconversion for me to get to the point of having to say anything like that to anybody. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electech98 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 Thanks for the video link! What a great message Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electech98 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 Haha, my FIL responded...in a totally different way than I would have thought: Dear JeremyAttached below is a short "pamphlet" I read a long-long time ago ( so the names he mentions dates it) when I was in a similar state of mind as you seem to be now. I hope you read it with the same benefit I enjoyed from it. Dad And then he posted the text of this article by Van Til: http://www.reformed....elieve_cvt.html What's ironic is that this is the same article I used on a blog of mine back in 2009 to post why I believed in God in response to my finding out my friend Eddie was an atheist. What comes around, goes around I guess. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Haha, my FIL responded...in a totally different way than I would have thought: Dear JeremyAttached below is a short "pamphlet" I read a long-long time ago ( so the names he mentions dates it) when I was in a similar state of mind as you seem to be now. I hope you read it with the same benefit I enjoyed from it. Dad And then he posted the text of this article by Van Til: http://www.reformed....elieve_cvt.html What's ironic is that this is the same article I used on a blog of mine back in 2009 to post why I believed in God in response to my finding out my friend Eddie was an atheist. What comes around, goes around I guess. Well, I'm glad he seemed to get the idea that he crossed the line, at least, and toned the hell down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 I tried both the link and the reformed apol. website directly and only got a blank screen. Oh well, I'm familiar with Van Til's stuff. Yawn. Yes, he certainly toned things down, though he isn't completely respecting your decision... So, what happened to Eddie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Well, I'm glad he seemed to get the idea that he crossed the line, at least, and toned the hell down True, but it seems he forgot to include the line, "I'm sorry I was such a domineering, belittling asshole to you." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electech98 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 I tried both the link and the reformed apol. website directly and only got a blank screen. Oh well, I'm familiar with Van Til's stuff. Yawn. Yes, he certainly toned things down, though he isn't completely respecting your decision... So, what happened to Eddie? Weird...the link works for me...I'm using Chrome, FYI. My friend Eddie is the one who helped me become a Reformed Christian when I was down in LA in 1998 - 1999. Then, later on, he turned atheist. After I found that out in 2009, I posted an article on my old blog about why I believed in God, and the Van Til article is something I linked to. My story, which involved Eddie, can be found here: http://www.ex-christ...ng-my-religion/ and http://www.ex-christ...ing-out-letter/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electech98 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 By the way, here's a book review of Van Til's "Why I Believe In God" that I found amusing: http://cafewitteveen.wordpress.com/2010/02/07/book-review-why-i-believe-in-god-by-cornelius-van-til/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peace Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Well, that was anticlimactic! Hopefully that's the end of his ridiculous behavior. Or maybe since you said the discussion was closed for now he decided that he would start spamming you religious material. I've never tried to argue with someone who left the faith and I'm sure glad now that I didn't. Every xtian seems to think they 'know' the faith so much better than we and think they can point us to some bit of information we overlooked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SusanStoHeli Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 It's a start! Far milder. I wonder if he remembered you posting it, and used it for that reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electech98 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 It's a start! Far milder. I wonder if he remembered you posting it, and used it for that reason. I don't think so...I don't think he was ever aware of my blog at that time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Well, I'm glad he seemed to get the idea that he crossed the line, at least, and toned the hell down True, but it seems he forgot to include the line, "I'm sorry I was such a domineering, belittling asshole to you." I know, that didn't escape me. But sometimes you've just got to take your victories where you can get them. Taking responsibility for your behaviour and admitting when you were wrong are not strong points among christians. I know that they weren't strong points for me. I used to feel justified in what I said and did, even when I upset another with my stupid religious beliefs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Time to just step away and let him initiate any contact for a while. Well played, ET. Well played. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electech98 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 Time to just step away and let him initiate any contact for a while. Well played, ET. Well played. Absolutely. And thank you all for your contributions, suggestions, and concerns. I'm so glad to be a member of this site! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Well, I certainly hope that this is a turning point for him in realizing that the "bull in a china shop" isn't going to work with you. Here's another video that was quite helpful to me. Eugene 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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