My Father Is Becoming A Pastor

[Guest Valk0010]

You said you had a boyfriend right?

yes, he is also living with his parents while in school

Ever thought about looking into subsided housing. I am not sure your income, but you may qualify for that. Or local women's shelters if things get worse.

 

The reason I say that, is because, it seems your situation has gone from the extreme ridiculous,to the extreme horrific. A group shaming is abuse and cultish imho. I would be looking for anyway out NOW, if i was you, for fear of things getting worse.

[CDFree]

What denomination is your "church"?

[sarahinprogress]

You said you had a boyfriend right?

yes, he is also living with his parents while in school

Ever thought about looking into subsided housing. I am not sure your income, but you may qualify for that. Or local women's shelters if things get worse.

 

The reason I say that, is because, it seems your situation has gone from the extreme ridiculous,to the extreme horrific. A group shaming is abuse and cultish imho. I would be looking for anyway out NOW, if i was you, for fear of things getting worse.

yeah the wait list for

Subsidized housing is about 5-10 years. And if it gets abusive in my home I will leave, but right now it's pretty quiet. Just have to meet with the stupid elders and then that should be that

[sarahinprogress]

What denomination is your "church"?

RCUS: calvinists

[rain]

This in my opion is as bad as being sexually abused by ones father. letting this happen to you . I realy feel for you and the situation you are in .

[norton65ca]

that letter is sick.

abusive

and I know that you are in a sticky situation, but I look forward to hearing from you that you've moved out.

and then, PLEASE... tell that group of so-called elders to shove their self righteous arrogance and all of the crap that goes with it up where the sun doesn't shine.

Disgusting.

medieval

barbaric

I'd personally be tempted to ride my beautiful black Norton right up the aisle of that "church" and do a wicked 6500rpm burn out in front of the altar while swillin' a nice bottle of single malt scotch and having a bevy of wholesome strippers pass around the collection plate.

F*ck 'em all to their fictional hell. parasitic loathsome pigs.

sorry, but those letters have made me very angry indeed.

[midniterider]

"Dear spiritual council,

 

I would like to write to you about a grievous matter. One of the high ranking church members has coerced me into divulging private information about my sex life to him and other church members. He is currently my landlord and I felt compelled to reveal private information about myself as a condition for continued residency. He then spread this private information to other members of the church in a letter of 'accusation' against me. The person doing these things is my own father. I am concerned about what kind of private information he may be sharing about other church members' lives. You need to speak to him about this problem as soon as possible or the church may find itself paying a hefty sum of money to a victimized church member who isn't quite as nice as I am and sues him. This situation could fall under libel, slander, defamation of character and in my case he may be violating tenant/landlord statutes.

 

Also, I would caution the spiritual council against judgement for as it says in Matthew 7, Judge not or you shall be judged. Furthermore, I assert that the spiritual council is not an entity of law enforcement nor a legal court as recognized by local, state and federal statutes. I am aware that I am afforded protection from harassment and disturbing my peace by local law and would caution you that any further communication from you will be used in a criminal court action.

 

Thank you."

[norton65ca]

^^^ "like"

[midniterider]

that letter is sick.

abusive

and I know that you are in a sticky situation, but I look forward to hearing from you that you've moved out.

and then, PLEASE... tell that group of so-called elders to shove their self righteous arrogance and all of the crap that goes with it up where the sun doesn't shine.

Disgusting.

medieval

barbaric

I'd personally be tempted to ride my beautiful black Norton right up the aisle of that "church" and do a wicked 6500rpm burn out in front of the altar while swillin' a nice bottle of single malt scotch and having a bevy of wholesome strippers pass around the collection plate.

F*ck 'em all to their fictional hell. parasitic loathsome pigs.

sorry, but those letters have made me very angry indeed.

 

I would find any possible way to get the heck out of that house.

[norton65ca]

Duckie, I'm really sorry to have to say this, and I know that you obviously love your dad, which makes it even harder...but....

You're dad is being a first class, A-1, top notch PRICK.

Any father who would send a letter like THAT, to a church disciplinary panel, is no father at all. He loves his fecking church more than you.

what a colossal jerk.

and that's me holding back a thousand far more offensive terms.

If my dad would've done something like that to me, I'd've been tempted to punch his frickin' lights out.

wow, I am right lit up by that letter. wow.

[norton65ca]

sorry for posting that in a way, it must hurt a little to read it but I am absolutely astonished at the letter. All the other stuff you've posted over the last while has been at one level, and most disagreeable to read, but that letter is on a whole different level entirely. Wow, just wow.

Please forgive me if I went to far, but I'm, as the English say, Gobsmacked.

[sarahinprogress]

Duckie, I'm really sorry to have to say this, and I know that you obviously love your dad, which makes it even harder...but....

You're dad is being a first class, A-1, top notch PRICK.

Any father who would send a letter like THAT, to a church disciplinary panel, is no father at all. He loves his fecking church more than you.

what a colossal jerk.

and that's me holding back a thousand far more offensive terms.

If my dad would've done something like that to me, I'd've been tempted to punch his frickin' lights out.

wow, I am right lit up by that letter. wow.

 

Yeah, it hurt to read the letter. I THINK its just the format required by the church when doing this whole shitty thing, but still. It really fucking sucks.

[TrueFreedom]

What is "this whole shitty thing?" Is it really necessary? What is he trying to accomplish? Sorry he's putting you through this... ((duckie))

[sarahinprogress]

What is "this whole shitty thing?" Is it really necessary? What is he trying to accomplish? Sorry he's putting you through this... ((duckie))

This whole shitty things is the "law of the church" set down by christ when "someone sins against you." my father feels i have sinned against him by 1. Having sex 2.keeping it a secret 3. denying faith in christ, and calling him a mere man.

 

¹⁵ “If your brother or sister^[a] sins,^[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ¹⁶ But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’^[c]17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

[sarahinprogress]

This in my opion is as bad as being sexually abused by ones father. letting this happen to you . I realy feel for you and the situation you are in .

 

Thank you for your concern. At this point i am trying to get into a psych tech program, and need to live here for at least 12 more months. At least thats the plan right now. my mother has kept my father from acting the way he was at the beginning of this whole ordeal, and my home life has actually been quite peaceful lately. it just kinda of REALLY fucking sucked to have to read that he wrote all that, and even more that this is what he honestly believes he needs to do. religion is fucked up.

 

"Dear spiritual council,

 

I would like to write to you about a grievous matter. One of the high ranking church members has coerced me into divulging private information about my sex life to him and other church members. He is currently my landlord and I felt compelled to reveal private information about myself as a condition for continued residency. He then spread this private information to other members of the church in a letter of 'accusation' against me. The person doing these things is my own father. I am concerned about what kind of private information he may be sharing about other church members' lives. You need to speak to him about this problem as soon as possible or the church may find itself paying a hefty sum of money to a victimized church member who isn't quite as nice as I am and sues him. This situation could fall under libel, slander, defamation of character and in my case he may be violating tenant/landlord statutes.

 

Also, I would caution the spiritual council against judgement for as it says in Matthew 7, Judge not or you shall be judged. Furthermore, I assert that the spiritual council is not an entity of law enforcement nor a legal court as recognized by local, state and federal statutes. I am aware that I am afforded protection from harassment and disturbing my peace by local law and would caution you that any further communication from you will be used in a criminal court action.

 

Thank you."

 

 

hahaha! thanks! i needed that laugh.

[ToonForever]

WHO wants to hear the letter i got from the church today?

 

ACCUSATION AGAINST AN OFFENDER

 

Elder (MY FATHER)

 

Against

 

SARAH (me)

 

 

 

I, (my father), the accuser in this accusation brought by me against Sarah (my daughter), the accused before the Spiritual Council of (his church), do hereby state as a member in good standing of (his church) having last communed at the Lord’s Supper Celebrated on February 18^th 2012 last and being a regular contributor to said church; that before bringing this accusation, the law of the Church as laid down in Matthew 18 of the Word of God, was duly observed by the accuser but the offer was not accepted by the accused, and that I have good and sufficient reason to believe the facts set forth in following charges to be true and correct, and I am not actuated by malice or ill-will in making the charges herein contained.

 

And now, I, the said accuser (my father) Father of Sarah, say,

 

That she the accused, Sarah (me), is guilty of confessed fornication with multiple (number unknown) partners over the course of several years which she admitted to upon confrontation on or about September 12^th of 2011. That following several weeks Sarah was presented with a written letter instructing her to repent of her confessed sins and be restored to the full fellowship of the faith with her mother and myself, or face the consequences which would follow. Sarah did refuse to repent, further she denies any previous confession of faith, and has come to the Lords Table over the course of several years without true confession of sins as a matter of deceit to prevent the questioning of her parents, especially her father. Finally she remains in rebellion to the faith, and believes she has done nothing wrong.

 

Specification 1. Lying and deception. In this, that on the approximate date and

during the course of conversation noted above, Sarah did confess to having kept

hidden several fornications, and that while she had spoken the words of repentance with regard to her action, when approaching the Lords Table she believed had done nothing wrong. Sarah, kept these sins hidden knowing they were condemned by the Church, her parents, and to avoid confrontation and loss of financial support from her family.

 

Specificaion 2. Denial of the Faith. Sarah when questions about her profession of faith in Christ did deny Christ as the Living Savior stating “I believe he was a man.” And upon further questioning stated she had partaken of the Lords table for several years while having practiced fornication noted above and with a conviction she had done nothing wrong. She attends church presently as an agreement with her parents which allows her to remain living at home under the adherence of strict rules.

 

Specification 3. Refusal to repent of sins. That upon confrontation after having allowed several months to pass during which Sarah was spoken to about these matters by both her mother and myself, did with a witness present confirm the sins listed above in specification 1 and 2 and in the presences of the witness and denied openly her faith. Sarah also stated her membership vows in the Church were taken under duress as my daughter to avoid conflict, and that she had maintained her participation in with the Church to continue receiving and accepting out support over the course of more than 4 years in which the intervening circumstances of fornication, lying and knowingly partaking of the Lord’s Table in sin without true repentance were being practiced.

 

I, Elder (my father), do submit these facts into evidence and ask the Spiritual Council of (his church) to take up the discipline of Matthew 18 as provided in the law of God to seek correction of Sarah in the above listed matters.

 

Respectfully submitted the 15^th day of April, in the Year of our Lord 2012.

 

 

Oh - no way. That is FUCKED UP.

 

If you really feel the need to go to that meeting, I would go with two fingers up the whole time. These men have no authority over you. I know you fear your parents throwing you out. I'm not you, so I don't mean to pretend I completely understand, but if it was me, I would dare the old man to throw you out. Tell him that you do not believe anymore, that you are not a Christian, that authority over you is yours to give, and you refuse to give it to these men to judge you based on the arbitrary morality in their fairy tales.

 

This makes my blood boil. It's abuse, plain and simple. I know you love him, but he's abusing you.

 

How horrible that you feel you have to put up with this. Is there NO chance you could pay your boyfriend's parents a little bit of rent or somesuch and get the hell out?

 

Good luck either way - sounds like you need it

[midniterider]

Tell Dad you eloped...and uhhh, you are with child...lol....

 

(sorry, couldnt help myself)

[Blue elephant]

Hey Duckie

 

The way I am reading this letter is that unless you recant on the issues involved, you will be excommunicated from your church. I am presuming that your father is then going to evict you. Am I right in this assumption?

 

If that is the case, you may wish to call their bluff by leaving without going through this nonsense. I am presuming this will stuff up your education plans, but I think that is what is about to happen anyway.

 

This is the sort of thing that leads to children never speaking to their parents again, btw.

 

This is truly horrible. The defining characteristic of parental abuse is that you can't trust your parents and that they are worse than the rest of the world. Your parents have betrayed you and I feel terribly sorry for you Duckie.

[CDFree]

I agree with BE you can always go back to your education later. What you are going through is abuse, get out while your sanity is in tact.

[Akheia]

I challenge you to reconsider your assumption that you MUST live with them. Women your age have managed to support themselves away from their parents for decades now. You are constantly saying you MUST do this, you MUST do that.

 

NONE OF YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ARE TRUE.

 

If you want out, then get out. You must have SOME friend who'll let you crash, or there must be SOME women's abuse counselor who can suggest a solution for you. There is no fucking way you are as hemmed in as you think you are. You need to understand this: YOUR DAD WANTS YOU TO THINK YOU ARE HELPLESS, AND YOU ARE BUYING INTO HIS ABUSE.

 

I'd also gently suggest a lawyer. What that church is doing to you may be actionable. Or contact a news agency--maybe the ones that broke the Mars Hill abuse stories. No doubt they'll be interested in hearing what is happening. Don't keep this abuse a secret. Get it out into the world. Those slimeballs will recoil from the light as soon as it hits them.

[blackpudd1n]

Akheia is right, Duckie- you don't have to take this. Just go. Leave. And make sure you take that letter with you- it's valuable evidence. Get down to a woman's refuge and sort it out from there. Can't you see what's going on? Your father is trying to break you, turn you into a little christbot. Just get out. Nothing's worth putting up with that bullshit. Nothing.

[Guest Valk0010]

Listen to blackpuddin, that is all I can really add.

[jaws78]

Hi. This is my first post.

I am terrified.

 

Let me give you a brief background:

 

I am going to be 25 next month and was raised in a christian home.

My parents were wishy washy christians at first, hardly ever going to church, and then skipping around in different churches.

 

I went to a public elementary school, and then private christian jr. and high schools.

 

The theology I learned at home vs. at school was always different and very confusing.

 

About 9 years ago my parents joined the RCUS, (Reformed Church of the United States), a basically Calvinistic church. My father became very very involved in church ministry, and was this year elected as an Elder, on his way to becoming a Ordained Minister. He will be moving with my mother to S. Dakota to go to seminary there.

 

About 6 months ago he found out both that I am having sex with my boyfriend, and that I do NOT believe in the Christian god.

 

 

My lack of belief in the Christian god started when i started college. Being suddenly exposed to SO much i had been protected from.... having my eyes suddenly opened to everything there was out there outside of christianity brought me to the edge of a doubt i had never dared to even acknowledge before.

 

BUT, as my father was so very zealotous about his faith, so very close minded, black and white, unchanging....

and as i wanted so badly to both gain his acceptance, and to never, never hurt him...

 

I said nothing.

I kept it secret.

I pushed all the doubt to the back of my mind and refused to acknowledge it once more, refused to let it surface, to do any research....

 

I fell into a really bad place. I started cutting myself, punishing myself for these bad thoughts i was having, for my lack of strength.

 

That went on for 4 years. Then I met a young man in an evening class.

Somehow he got inside my mind, "Question Everything," he told me.

So I started.

I started to question my father's reason, his sanity, his validity. I started questioning god, his mercy, his wrath, his reality.

 

I slowly came to accept that the christian god is not real. He is a fabrication.

So is Jesus as god. This is something that i have only recently realized in reasearching about Horas, Khrishna, etc.

 

 

 

But my father....

well my father really cannot accept this.

 

 

I am currently in the process of Matthew 18 (Bring one or more witnesses, etc) which i am thinking of as a spiritual intervention. The next step is to bring the pastor and another elder into it, and then i will be excommunicated.

 

 

Tonight, my father told me i am his daughter in blood only, and that while he willalways love me, he needs me to move out.

 

I have no where to go and dont make enough money to move out. I have applied to numerous places and no one is hiring. I was hoping to start a nursing program this summer, but with the added stress of him basically kicking me out, i dont know if i will have time.

 

 

....has anyone else dealt with this?

My heart hurts so much, that the religion my father has chosen is causing to make me feel this way, is making him write me out of his life.

He told me if i marry my boyfriend he will not come to my wedding, he will not give me away.

He say it is my actions that are causing him to do this....

why cant he see that it is him?

 

 

 

I hope that i posted this in the right place, thank you for reading.

My father was a minister. I went thru a really @@!!*** up childhood. The thing about a preacher, they need to leave their sermons and their preachings in the church. I got severe head trauma as a child because my dad played a big game. he made sure i saw the tv commercial for the navy seals and hot damn i started exercising, doing pushups, pullups, and sitting by "water" wet cold and shivering with grown ups making sure i knew what these guys have to do. The next thing i know the church and my dad, the good minister, telling me "you have to tell everyone about your acceptance of Jesus bla bla bla". The next step was my dad, along with others, saying "He'll go to hell if he denounces his faith!!". This is like the 911 call for those @@!!!!***!'s in the church. I had people reassuring my parents I wont denounce my faith. I wound up being dropped out of a tree by a cop,(we climbed the tree as kids and had a treehouse in it), run up in the tree while a neighbor hummed dirtlogged gumballs at me to make me fall, and finally on medication and was run up the tree and wound up taken to the MRI room and comatosing there after falling or being dropped. I lost my motor skills, including speech. I stayed at someone elses home and had an in house therapist, an EMS crew on standby because my vitals would stop, and I would have seizures. I made a full recovery, except for memory loss and attribute this to a SOB who cant leave his gospel preaching in a church. The gym I went to as a child teamed up with my dads wishes of not wanting me to get the "heavenly body" and be in shape and gain weight. I got told by my mother to stop exercising and I wont be hungry. Someone started leaving my very young brother weed outside, telling him they'd help him and it would make him feel better. It was right in place for when my food/exercise was cut off. Prior to this a guy who was upholding his name to little Tommy Reekes got beaten,(I believe FBI was involved in the entire situation) for some sort of wrongs he did to my brother and I. I dont remember exactly as I had severe head trauma, seizures, blackouts, and vital functions cease multiple times. I attribute these things to not wanting to have the Christians line up my life and serve in the military for 3 or 5 years at 135-140 pounds and be the best I could be. The world is full of a--holes that only want to "do someone in". If your trying to break away from a church or christian "overhead", be careful. There are many and many people that want to devastate your life for not wanting the views you were raised with.

[Thought2Much]

Duckiegirl, I agree with everyone here who recommends just getting out any way you can. This is emotional abuse, pure and simple, and you must find a way to put a stop to it now.

[mcdaddy]

OHMYFUCKINGGAWD.

 

THERE ARE REALLY CHURCHES LIKE THIS??

 

If I hadn't seen that fucked up ass letter, I SWEAR I wouldn't believe anyone that said people did shit like this. For REAL. I still almost think that has to be made up...but I KNOW you wouldn't do that.

 

There are NO WORDS that can describe how seriously, literally, definitively INSANE that is. Take it by a lawyers office. At least see what they would have to say.

 

I wot apologize for saying this: your dad is a Class A FUCKTARD DOUCHENOZZLE ASSWIPE. I'm sorry you have this asshole for your father. Their brand of xianity is the most vile shit I've ever seen. This is on par with fundamentalist Islam.

 

I'd make your dad eat a fucking brick sandwich right now if I could, after ramming a fucking umbrella up his ass and opening it.

 

FUCK. HIM. AND HIS BULLSHIT FAIRYTALE RELIGION.