I love to read and learn.
I have read a library full of books and delved into great thoughts with reckless abandon. That is until I became a christian.
After I "gave my life to Jesus", since I "was no longer my own" but I was "bought with a price", I didn't have the right to run my life and think great thoughts and follow great thinkers...
I had to follow Jesus...that was it.
I am NO LONGER a christian. I have seen myself, accepted my beliefs and have lived as an EX christian for almost two years. I really have never taken a fighting stance that I needed to protect, preserve and perpetuate my decisions. The reasons for this blog is to allow myself to continue to think through all the areas of my life, my experiences and the beliefs that brought them to me and share them with you, others how are seeking the ability to see life as it truly is...to think critically and logically and love deeply and passionately.
When I had become a christian, I gave up "childish things"...like thinking. No really, that is the mainstream christian undercurrent of thought. Once you become a christian, "God" does the thinking for you. If something happens in your life, it was "meant to happen" to allow God to show his grace upon you or to teach you a much needed lesson because you have allowed pride and self-centeredness to rule your life and relationships. A logical thought, not supported by scripture, was not only not expected but not welcome in christian circles. There was no asking of "why" I would believe this or that but that I "should not believe it" because it was "not scriptural"...In abuse circles, we call this "circular reasoning". The "Bible" was inerrant and was a "plum line" for all truth. If any statement contradicted it in any way, then the statement was false. Period. So much for thinking.
As much as it may seem impossible, I am not bitter about my life and being kept in the dark while being a christian. I understand that those who live that life, as I had done, live it with possibly the same fervor and conviction that I had. I was "saved and sanctified". Funny thing is...I am STILL saved and sanctified. If you believe in the "once saved always saved" then I have not "lost my salvation" but "coming to the truth"...but indeed I have FOUND my salvation IN the truth. The truth has truly "set me free" from the "power of sin and death".
As with many christians, I had also sought quick answers to life's problems. The meaning and purpose of life was made certain by believing and following the christian doctrine. It was a nicely wrapped package complete with a cute little bow on top. I had everything that I thought I needed for a life "of godliness" but again, ironically, I STILL have a deep rooted understanding of "the meaning of life" and my purpose in it. Maybe even greater than I had while I was a christian. It was not such a quick fix for me as an ex-christian but it was my journey. It is my life. And I am not looking for anyone else to give me meaning or purpose but seeking to live honestly, whole-heartedly and "thoughtfully".
If you are in the process of deconversion or may have questions regarding why you are reading this blog, please leave a comment for me. I would love to converse with you and share even more of the things that I have learned about myself, life and how I became an ex-christian.
This is a "learning blog"...a tool of self-discovery and life enhancement. My life did not begin when I became a christian, my life began when I realized that religion was no "quick fix" and I challenged myself to think for myself. You can too.