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  • TheBluegrassSkeptic

    Last Goodbyes

    By TheBluegrassSkeptic

    Death for me over the years has rarely been difficult to process and move on. I've buried quite a few, only mourned a couple. The two I mourn are now memories I guard so earnestly a mother bear could not rival my ferocity. These two people immediately bring on the wet eyes and short tight breaths when I just so much as think on their lives, their influence, and my loss.   This past January I experienced a third loss of someone very important in my life. It's hit me very hard, and I am surprise
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The Wrong Deity?

... I'm still in question about the idea if we really have a Soul or Spirit. I as much as Physicist that have the Perodic Table that list the seperate Universal elements of Chemisty terms. And then each element that is more elusive, lighter, quicker, transparent in structure. There is that for which does exist.   ... Physicist are still working at how particles, the most elusive elements behave and how fast they can travel and can go through other elements. Knowing that Light is this wav

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We live in our heads

One of my best friends lives in a run-down part of town with an alcoholic husband, in a house they most times don't bother to pay for. Nearly every choice they've made in the 7 years I've known them has been wrong. They are in debt up to their ears and do not seem to understand the concept of paying it back. Stolen cable fires up their rented big-screen TV. 20% of the natural cedar siding shows through the red barn paint on their dilapidated home.   My friend seldom leaves the yard. She'

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My Mother just died!

While I was in Arkansas attending that computer system course, I managed to break free one weekend and go to Marion Arkansas for my Mother’s 85th Birthday. My mother has been suffering from advanced emphysema for nearly a decade and we all figure that this was probably her last birthday and made a point for all 6 of her children (huh, ranging from me (63) to my “kid sister” (44)) to be there to celebrate it with her. The first time in nearly 10 years! I am so glad that we did it and that she

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Looking At The Universe 20050601

{{{ Looking At The Universe - (With My Ambient Music Choices) - }}}   ... The Universe is all matter that we do know that exist. My question is why?   ... It has heated up the elements and it explodes and the matter spews out and swirling ~ Chemistry compounds that form as they cool, and from heavy to light they flow through a series of patterns. The Light waves of the firery Gallaxies and Stars and smoke clouds of matter is spewing itself out in this open void of space.   ... Withou

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Brick Face

One Hundred Years of Solitude sat atop my bookpile for 10 months before I picked it up to read the final 30 pages last week. I grew both interested and irritable at the way the author wove fantastic, supernatural events as part of a family's history.   I knew perfectly well that there were no flying carpet rides, that the most beautiful and perfect member of the family did not rise up into heaven body and soul, and that none of them lived to be 145 years old. But the author presented thes

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Immaturity...

It drives me up the wall.   I just typed a reply to a thread asking if Jesus ever masturbated.   Not only is the answer blatantly obvious--he is supposed to have led a SINLESS life--it is very easy to get around, even if you assume he didn't just let his divinity override his natural impulse--it feels like it's just taking an oppertunity to piss on a symbol just because you can now.   I respect that reverence for christian symbols is not something they are interested in at all, but cont

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Saw the other side of the war as it were...

Been feeling rather contemplative.   Friend of mine just made a post about how he 'debates' christians. It was a mind-blowing demonstration of not only the wisdom of his beliefs but how effective they can be.   Trying to convert Eric would be like trying to dent wool... you can use a sledgehammer all you want, but as soon as the head is removed from the wool it resumes it's shape. The only way to reshape it would be to weave each thread into a new piece of fabric... something no soul hunte

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Perception

It's all in how you look at things.   I had 2 horse shows this weekend. The discipline I competed in is the one which fascinates me the most, and mastery of it seems out of most people's grasp. It requires a super-sharp, well-trained, and obedient horse and a savvy rider to execute the pattern. I don't really have either. My horse is young and I've been training him myself, and I'm still new enough at this that I still consider the fact that I might not remember what the pattern is.  

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Pissed Off

I am pissed! I just came back from a little trip up to Arkansas. Lotsa trucks and nearly all of them were driving very considerate. Then I come home! Yesterday as I exited from US 183 on to the Farm Market road that I live on, I had one truck blow the yield sign making me slam on my brakes! His running mate attempted the same thing, but by now I was really pissed and managed to cut him off to where he had the choice of hitting me (hey, a new car out of that deal), going into a 4 foot ditch

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In My Head Now 20050501

('New Age' to me isn't the Religion, it is the Aesthetics of Life. Life's Architecture. It is another Catagory of Musical Style... Mostly with modern instrumentation and getting back to maybe the idea of Pantheism or Spiritual Ideas = But really it is = Nature for me and a spirit of a kind. That which is an attitude, interest, Choice In A Lifestyle, being cognitive with anything special and bonding with beautiful ideas. And Space = The Universe. And even the Mood Space. There maybe also v

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Bad Fish

My latest boyfriend has been informed that he is catch-and-release only, and has been returned to the pond. I hate making that phone call, but "do unto others, etc" is always in my mind when I think about chickening out and just letting things slide instead of breaking up formally. I actually think it would be best to do it face to face, but when do you do that-- when he comes to pick you up or after he pays for dinner?   I pulled the it's-not-you-it's-me thing and told him that I'm not ge

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My buggered up childhood

When I was a child, I wanted to play soccer with the local junior club like my cousins and friends were. My father would not let me. “No! You’re not allowed!” He would command “Because I said so. I’m your father and you do as I say, right?!”   When I was a younger child, I wanted to join the Scouts (Cubs, whatever) like my cousins and friends were. My father would not let me. “No! You’re not allowed!” He would command, “Because I said so. I’m your father and you do as I say, right?!”

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Truman Show

Seriously, this blog sucks....   I like to rent older movies. You can real get a feel for the quality (Or lack of it) of a movie when there's no hype or big expectations.   I rented the Truman Show. Jim Carrey. Ed Harris. Decent flick. As I was watching, I was really struck by something.   If you don't know, in the movie, Truman (Carrey) is the star of his own show. Only he doesn't know it. The entire town is a set, all the townspeople are actors but him, and the hidden cameras follo

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Pantheism? It Haunts Me More

There is a time I wonder if everything of Nature makes up anykind of real Deity God like in this Universe? That maybe the whole Universe and the Matter that is, is being this one real Deity God (?) If this definition can hold valid? And is this what is called ... 'Pantheism'?   My thoughts and wondering began when I started questioning the Christian Faith I use to be in back in 1981. I began to take notice of the world and its Nature of being Nature. What is Nature reveiling as evidence

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What Is Really Missing?

The Earth is remarkable with all kinds of Diversity of Life. How do we know for sure what we assume? Proof and Confirmations of Life and the responses from such is what life is all about. If there is a God? I find this a missing link.   In this Natural World, the means of a relationship in its proximity is that with the senses we have. With the Visual, we are designed with aesthetical decoration to show the existance of that to be pleasing and attractive. With the Audio and Hearing, we

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NimbusBirdMgp Is All About Me In Part 1

NimbusBirdMgp = I get my Incentives with the Climate having Nimbus Dark Rain Clouds with the Breezes and Mystical Flight Journey's. Bird Brain Journey's for which Birds are my favorite creatures on Earth. Flying is a wonderful experience to me. I am afraid of heights and falling. But if flying safely. I do not fear it. Imagine flying in the Architectural Congestus Caverned and Caved Out Like Nimbus Clouds as Snow Sculptured Beauty Terrian. Life is Migrating, Journeying and Exploring. The

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Paper shredders rule.

There are 3 women in my section of offices (read:cubicles) and I am the only one without children/grandchildren. Every freaking morning, I have to listen to their inane kid-talk spoken in the voice of Stuart's mother on Mad TV. My ears are unusually sensitive in the morning, so all this nonsense is amplified until they finish about an hour into the day. Good thing I'm always a little late.   So last week, I got a paper shredder. It's just a little one, but it's really loud. Drowns out al

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Evil Curses Act Out Adamently More ...

Evil Curses Act Out Adamently More Than God Concepts   What Are They Doing In My Life? What Are They?   * Competition *   * Humilation *   * Disability *   * Anticipation *   * Climate *   * Sexual Erotic Aesthetics (There's Anti-Force) *   * Politics, Religions & Cults *   * Real Conspirasies *   * The Prerequisite of needing to get Laid several times, doesn't want to happen, no matter what I try to do to make it so. *       ... If there is a God (?) It

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The door is still open.

This business of mine sux.   These well meaning more experienced “mentors” tell me to do things in certain ways because it will make my job easier. I then go and do these things and guess what, lo and behold, it actually makes my job harder. Man I’ve had enough.   I called “the boss” last week (not Bruce Springsteen), the bloke who runs the business I once did contract work for. Instead of offering myself again as a contractor, I offered myself as a full time worker. I can’t remember t

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Neat name for myself...

I really like how that sounds... very earthy and wiccan. The image of a bright light(of hope as I see it) and a nice serene brook is very idealistic and powerful for me. You could say it's also the meeting place of all four elements... another cool thought.   I need to store that in my sig or somesuch... it's just too good to let it be buried in the forum and blog history.   Again, I have been remiss with the blog... had a nasty case of the flu, so at least this time I have an alibi.  

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Why I'll never had a girlfriend

Why I’ve almost never had a girlfriend, and probably never will.   I’ve been looking at threads + posts on these forums regarding women, dating, virginity + nice guys. It’s saddened me to once again remind myself of how much of a “nice guy” I am, or was, or still am. When I say “nice guy” I mean it in the nicest possible way (read: worst possible way).   When I was growing up I swore I would never be like my father. I would never be the violent, angry, physically + verbally abusive per

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Run for it

There is a 5 mile run nearby at the end of July, and I think I'm going to try to do it. It's hard to even type the words because running is difficult for me to do and I'm half afraid to commit to it. I love to work out, but it's the weights that keep me going, not the cardio.   A big part of the reason why I want to do it is because the boss I had a few years ago told me that if I didn't like to run I would never do it. It irked me a bit that he thought he could tell me how I am.   Th

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